Inspire Respect Not a Hard On - General

"...women should adorn themselves with proper conduct, with modesty and self control, not with braided hairstyles and gold ornaments, or pearls, or expensive clothes, but rather, as befits women who profess reverence for God, with good deeds."

1 Timothy 2: 9-10

Yes I know not the best title but I figured it would tweak enough curiosity or interest in today's world, just be forewarned that some religious tone is involved in this post. So if religious ideas, opinions, or tone isn't your thing or you don't believe in religion, this may not be the post for you. This may turn out to be a lengthy post and perhaps a controversial one at that...this isn't for the weak of mind, intellect, and open mindedness, also apologies on any crudeness used in this post. I will state that my tone isn't meant to be judgmental (because I'm not) but critical so please know the difference. I’m a passionate person altogether so don’t misconstrue my passion, for “hate” because it’s not and sometimes my words get away from me. I do feel strongly about what this post is about and should be something every women should be aware of otherwise I fear for our daughters and future women.

I won't make the mistake in generalizing every female to be a lady so I'm just going to use the term "women"; same goes for males, I won't generalize by assuming that all men are "gentlemen" or educated with etiquette of some kind, but that they are "men". This entire post applies to all ages and all scenarios as well, whether your status financially has you as a poor person or as the richest person in the world. Please also note that this post doesn't specifically callout one religion but perhaps intertwines some Christianity. 

Being a mother of two, I'm continually looking at the world with as much of an unbiased nature as I possibly can. What does that mean? Well, I will try to look at both sides of the story-the pros and cons-as well as put myself in the opposite point of view or scenario. However when it comes to modesty, dignity, and the self respect of a female I firmly believe that there's only one aspect that's correct and needed in society. I mean have you seen some of the clothes out there for little girls!?! No way in hell I would let me daughters where half of some of wardrobe out there. Don't even get me started on women who are moms and above the age of thirty-five, still trying to dress as if they're eighteen! There's just some things after a certain age you a person just shouldn't be wearing! Which reminds me...

Side note: Women PLEASE dress your age! You're getting older, get over it, gravity takes it's course and wrinkles on your face will appear as they will symbolically represent the stories behind the years. I've heard it said that the more wrinkles you have means that you must have smiled and laughed a lot in your life. If they statement were indeed true than why would you want to try and cover those face lines-the ones that display joy and happiness. Why must you bother to attempt to "look less old" when you can simply just embrace the changes, take your precautions with a natural skincare and create a new line of fashion trend for your age group. If you are over the age of twenty-five, stop dressing like your back in high school all over again! Or at least save that for the bedroom ;) for your husband (significant other). Dress appropriately for your age-I don't mean you have to be dressing like you're a grandmother in her 80s but you sure as hell don't have to be dressing like a young skank/tramp (regardless if you have the body for it)! If you're a woman who picks out clothing that DOESN'T fit you, PLEASE STOP! Society for some reason has demonstrated that it's ok to wear something that's two sizes smaller than what you should be wearing! NO IT IS NOT OK! I would hear or use to say, "just use common sense" but it seems now a days that's in extreme short supply no matter where you live...PLEASE just pay attention to what you're wearing and what it provokes or represents, because whether you know it or not someone is watching you; somewhere or someone believes you to be an influence, so take the time and make sure your image is a positive one...yes I know a little bit of a long squirrel comment from what I'm making this post to be about, so apologies and I shall digress on this...

So let me ask you women, are you tugging at your dress conscientious that it might start revealing your ass or that when you get up from sitting down you have to pull down your dress some because you feel the dress is sticking to your ass because of how short it is? What about your skirts or shorts? Are you doing the same thing to those two clothing items all the time as well? Or lets talk about your tops; are you a well attributed busty woman and purposely choose tops that you'll continue to be pulling up, whether its your tank top/V-neck/scoop neck. I understand that some woman are bustier than others and that it might require a certain clothing alteration in general-if you are one of those bustier women, I can comprehend your dilemma and your aren't the ones targeted in this post, however make sure that you don't use your bust as an excuse to almost have your breast hanging out of your top...if you answered yes to ANY or ALL of what I just said then this post is most definitely for you! I understand and comprehend that every female has different body builds and physiques and that the shape of their body dictates the type of clothing used or bought. So the biggest question is, do you pick and/or buy your clothing with modesty of dress and self dignity as well as self worth, in mind?

I'm truly baffled in seeing how many young females or little girls from the ages of 14 and under, are basically dressing up like little hoes/sluts. What's worse is that the mother is aware and lets them leave the their homes dressed that way or worse is the one purchasing the clothing for them! I know what's being sold at the department stores for this age group doesn't help, but that shouldn't be used as an excuse or a scapegoat. Here's an example; I go to Mass every Sunday and my mentally is that, "oh we're in a place of worship and reverence so inappropriate dress should be of no concern." Sadly that's where sometimes I see the most females (both young and old) in the skimpiest of outfits. What's more disconcerting in this observation is that the young females/little girls are sometimes similar or worse than their mother's who are also in turn dressed up in the skimpiest of outfits. I'm already a person who likes to observe so, I began to take note-but the repetitive cycle of observation became apparent every Sunday. Then as the seasons changed things didn't seem to improve and yes that includes even the cold weather! My observations brought me to the conclusion of,  no matter what the occasion was (mass, religious event, wedding, formal event, prom, high school dance of some kind, graduation, formal gathering, concert, etc.) the spectrum of what is being tolerated and accepted now of what young ladies wear. Frankly, it all starts at home whether it being directly through the mother, a mother, or indirectly through a role model. If a respectful and modest dress code isn't implemented than it will dissipate altogether. Whoever the young females womanly influence is, then that's what they will end up gravitating towards. Yes a high school female trying to embrace her individuality as represented by her fashion is understandable BUT there's also an educational person for the adolescence; that a sense of self respect should be encouraged, taught, and enforced in their wardrobe style WHILE exploring their individuality. I'm sure that there will be conflict and disagreements, especially if modesty is currently going against the social norm of young females in mini skirts/dresses as well as showing more skin than covering it...BUT professional women don't go to work in mini skirts and low scooped cleavage outfits, unless their work is on the street corners, so then why do we allow it for everywhere else and for such young ages?...I don't even want to get into swim suits because I would be going off on a huge tangent that would probably be as long as this post has become...I mean people might as well be naked with the crappy things they call “swim suits” now a days. Which reminds me-women if you are over the age of thirty-five, why in you’re right mind are you still trying to pull off a skimpy excuse of a bathing suit that maybe a teenager or even a twenty something year old would wear?...

So moms out there, it starts with you...don't worry young women your paragraph isn't far behind...Moms, how do you define the terms hot, sexy, and attractive? Because from this point forward is how the clothes in your closet are depicted. Yes before you were a mother you were just a woman like any other with goals, ambitions, dreams, and more importantly working the dating scene. You went through the stages of favorite colors, favorite styles, favorite movies as well as books/novels, therefore leading to your self identity. By the time I graduated high school (or perhaps completed your GED or just plainly left high school altogether) I figured out what type of person I was to be which included my wardrobe statements. This is where the question I started with comes into play. If from the age of 16-25 years of age you viewed the term "hot" as basically having every males attention especially in the regard of their physical reaction and attention to you, then you've failed to comprehend an important aspect in your self worth. Actually even if you're 25-45 years of age, that's not the point of "hot". Now what about the term sexy? If you viewed or view that term as, you the female, feeling good about herself in what she's wearing but your intention is to "provide men with a hard on," then you have again failed and in this matter in regards to your self dignity. If you've viewed attractive as something mediocre to being hot or sexy or perhaps a downgrade from someone who is a hot or sexy or both, then you too have failed. Every female is attractive in their own way (as are men) so you should strive for feeling sexy and being attractive, because the true definition of those two terms should correlate to your believe of your self worth, dignity, and self respect-with nothing to do regarding how men perceive you or whether or not you are considered "hot" or not.

You see, an attractive woman is supposed to be the ideal female for men. Ok, what do I mean by that; think of the phrase that tends to come out in many romantic comedies scenarios, "You want to be the librarian and the hooker, look like a woman that can play both parts in the males fantasy." I'm sure many can view and interpret this phrase in many different aspects but the one point rings true throughout any scenario, the woman isn't dressing like a hooker or a librarian, but providing the illusion that she can play both parts! Let's break it down first by terms; "lustful" is tied into both the terms hot and sexy whereas, "appealing" is used in both sexy and attractive. Then the woman's wardrobe-just because you're attractive doesn't mean you have to be showing off half your ass outside your shorts and half your boobs either. Or since we're in the yoga pant and tight short fashion trend, just because you're wearing those tight clothing items doesn't mean for your vagina apex curvature to be outlined and visible, have a slightly longer top to cover the areas on display. Granted what you wear in the bedroom WITH and FOR YOUR husband (significant other) is your prerogative, but why then, is it ok for what only your husband (significant other) is supposed to be viewing on display for all other males or for the world to see?...being "hot" and "sexy" should be saved for our spouses (significant others), so that we continue to liven and enthrall them in the bedroom. 

This needs to be followed up and affirmed by you men! If your wife is dressing like a slut (for lack of a better term) and you let her walk outside of your bedroom or worse outside of your home, especially when you already have children, then shame on you because the fault is not entirely her own. If you as the man, are ok with your wife prompting lustful thoughts in other men because of how and what she's wearing, then you have failed as her protector, partner, spouse, and more importantly as her spiritual guide. I'm not saying that it's not rewarding to have others say "you got a great girl" or other affirming comments that you've picked one hell of a woman as your partner, but you shouldn't treat your woman as an object. Whether you know it or not, you are as just as responsible for her actions the moment she walks out of the house; Humans aren't wired to be alone and regardless of popular belief, women and men tend to derive the reasons for their actions in some way shape of form, from the opposite sex whether that's directly or indirectly. 

Modesty doesn't mean dressing like a nun, but it sure as hell doesn't mean dressing like a hooker. Whether "we" (women in general) like to admit it or not, men tend to respond better and react more profoundly in life to a woman who is assertively respectful and respected; then they focus on the aesthetics which is prompted by what "we" women wear. An example being: whether your skinny, athletically toned, muscular, fat, or obese if you're wearing a dress/skirt that hikes up your ass-et in the back and you have to keep pulling it down, then have a scoop neck/V-neck/cleavage on your said dress or top but continue to pull it up because you are self conscious of your breasts hanging out - the man will and immediately tend to think the following (whether they may mean to or not)...1)I wonder what she's wearing underneath the dress or I wonder if she's even wearing anything underneath 2)I wonder what size her boobs are or how they would feel in my hand 3)I wonder what type of bra she has on underneath that top/dress 4)She probably has some sexy lingerie on under all of that. Ok there's a lot more I could say but they really aren't worth mentioning and yes these are statements from men I've personally asked what their first thought is when they see a female dressed a certain way. You know what was more surprising women? 8 out of the 15 men I asked (who ranged from the ages of 22-42) stated that I was forgetting the type of shoes "we" wear. That sometimes our shoes alone with the "hot" or "sexy" wardrobe prompts them to lust after us then the clothing itself. Aren't those words for thought?...And these men asked were NOT male family members either, if that's beneficial in your reading to know.

Therefore, I'm brought back to the bible verse in the beginning of this post. Women were placed on this earth for great things and a powerful influence, heck sorry men but we women are incredible creatures because we are blessedly able to bring life into the world! "We" women participate in the divine life of the Holy Trinity more intimately than men can ever fathom! We are given gifts of a child/children and in turn given even more responsibilities than that of our husbands (our "Adam").  Yes, we require men for the pro-creation however our bodies are the channels/tabernacles/protection for that which is created. It's because of this great gift and responsibility that one could say that women dictate the moral conscience and arrow of society; something "we" are sadly faltering in because women can't come to terms with something as simple as modesty. So when women falter so in turn the moral compass in society falters. Just because woman gained rights doesn't mean the foundation that makes us women should be erased or re-written/changed. The importance of how a women dresses can't be emphasized enough nor can it really be OVER emphasized. Has anyone thought to ask why for the last 2, 022 years Roman Catholic Popes have repeatedly implored women to dress modestly, emphasizing that immodest dress CAN provoke and provide occasions of sin. Dressing immodestly tends to allure men into committing sin whether through temptation or provoking action, and as Christian women (whether Catholic or not) we have a moral obligation to AVOID enticing men. The point is to dress modestly attractive and NOT dressing to ATTRACT. The fact is that a woman dressing immodestly, commits sin (whether venial or mortal) and separates herself from God, depending on the degree of her immodesty.

So why then do "we" (women as a whole) allow ourselves to be objectified? "We" complain about how men treat us without respect or as objects, etc yet "we" as women also tend to forget that men are and were made to be visual creatures of God and that a woman's body language (which yes includes what she's wearing) will and shall dictate how a man will treat her. A woman who dressed with modesty, dignity, grace, and self respect will in turn be approached and treated with respect and a sense of honor. If however a woman dresses like a slut...well I'm sorry, but then you shouldn't really be complaining about how the man treated you or is treating you to begin with, because you will only be seen as a sexual object and nothing more.

All of the pictures below are different types of clothing/fashion, allowing individuality to be expressed yet still remain in a modest and fashionable trend. So think twice before you put something on and think twice before you put your daughter or buy your daughter certain clothing items...our daughters will understand more fully when they are mothers; deal with the disagreements now and be the role model and matriarch leader you were called to be the moment you were given the gift of life at conception.

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman

True Food Kitchen - Restaurant

So as a pre-mother's celebration to myself from my daughters (yes that's a thing if a mother wants to), I decided to make reservations and try out a place that I've been wanting to try. Since I'm always on a budget (obviously single mom) I chose to try a place that wouldn't drop the bank, that seemed to have a cool environment, my daughters would also enjoy (because they have quite a pallet), and that it would be a calm yet interesting brunch for us. Let's face it with the gas prices rising adventures or long driving doesn't seem as exciting right now, so thankfully it wasn't too far from us that day. I was excited for the experience and my pallet was ready for the adventure. 

The arrival to the location was obviously filled with people, even for a Sunday but parking wasn't to hard to find considering it was a Sunday - if it had been a Saturday or Friday I'm not sure I would have had that luck. We parked and made our way to the entrance and even though it was nice enough weather for outdoor seating they were either short staffed or apparently their patio seating is only up to a certain time, because when I made reservations to seat outside and we arrived, we were told we couldn't sit outside. Not necessarily a strike but a little bummed, nevertheless we were alright with sitting inside. Didn't wait long and were situated at our table. It was a nice modern and fresh vibe inside the restaurant with a lot of open views towards the outside from anywhere you sat, which was nice. The comfort of the table not so much, but I gave my girls the bench seat. The waitress didn't take long to arrive at our table and she was knowledgeable of the menu and patient with my questions. I ordered the girls a special fresh juice, the picture online in their menu looked refreshing and in a large water sized glass. To my utter disbelief the size of the cup they brought it in was half the size compared to the image on their online menu. At first my daughters kept saying they didn't like how it smelled and then that they didn't like how it tasted. Since I usually tell them to try something once, they were telling me they didn't like it until after they actually did try it. So there I go putting a sip down my throat...an overpriced and not that great tasting of a drink considering how delicious the ingredients are. I ordered a berry mixed drink (easy ice) and three glasses of water no ice on top of the freshly made bad tasting juice/refresher drink...When my daughters didn't like their drinks I ordered some lemons to mix into their waters. My mixed berry drink was disappointing to say the least, but after sipping it a few times I mixed the awful tasting refresher drink into my mixed drink (yes I know it overpowered or watered down the liquor) and ironically made my berry mixed drink taste better, in turn diluting the awful flavor of the refresher itself. 

I would understand the if the restaurant was swamped (only six tables were occupied and two tables at the bar area) or it was a peak time of business or perhaps many members at the table ordering various steaks, but for two small kids burgers and my poke bowl to take as long as it did. My girls were playing with their polly pocket toys and distracted enough until the food came. You may not believe this but because my kids have such special palette and I've nurtured that (along with my family) they aren't used to fast food nor your quick drive-thru window burger so they were excited for the kids burgers that came with carrots and hummus. I ordered their poke bowl - I know I'm not usually a only one dish and completely healthy type person but I was craving seafood and something fresh, besides I was planning on dessert. The girls gobbled up their burgers and mommy definitely licked her bowl clean. My tuna was delicious and the ingredients in my bowl were extremely fresh. As delicious as it was, it wasn't actually worth the wait. For the price they charged I would have preferred to have gone back to the Latin cuisine a few places down the street from this specific restaurant. I was still hopeful though because the desserts looked so fresh and provided a gluten free option in addition to a lactose free slice of deliciousness. I know I jumped ahead by implying how delicious the dessert was, but I was impressed with their dessert. I ordered the girls vanilla bean ice cream with the two chocolate chip cookies while I ordered the cheesecake. 

All in all, it's not a bad place to try or frequent but I personally wouldn't return to that restaurant unless it was only for dessert. 

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman

The Secret: Dare to Dream - Movie

It’s been long overdue but I’ve been re-watching this movie over and over on and off the past month…The movie was released back in 2020 - I know it was that long ago and I’m just now writing about it?! What can I say, it’s been a busy life and even with the down time it’s still busy. Back to the post-so the movie was released back in 2020 and the leading actors are Katie Holmes and Josh Lucas. I personally was never a fan of Katie Holmes in any of her roles, I just couldn’t for the life of me get her out of my head as the female role in Dawson’s Creek. Her role in this film though was pretty good and I thought she played it well. Josh Lucas I’ve always been a fan of since Sweet Home Alabama and he’s only continued to be attractive with age and his role was another good one in this film; I thought it suited him and his demeanor or how he seems to carry himself.

https://youtu.be/4VM7PhkdPxU

If you don’t know what the movie is about then check out the trailer and here’s the Google description of the film:

“Miranda Wells is a hardworking young widow who’s struggling to raise three children on her own. A powerful storm so brings a devasting challenge and a mysterious man, Bray Johnson, into her life. In just a few short days, Bray’s presence reignites the family’s spirit - but he carries a secret that could change everything.”

I won’t lie and say that I didn’t feel a relation to the character she portrays but it’s about the overall vibe and feel of the movie that I enjoyed. Why do I say that you might ask? Well the main reason being that there tends to be so many Debbie downers in the world or there are so many pessimists out there that the film (or more the point the character Josh Lucas plays) provides a nice air of optimism wrapped up in some philosophy with a taste of karma and paying it forward. I’ve personally never been a pessimistic person nor have I ever had the feeling of my world not getting better (even if it’s the dark and grayest of times) - I know surprising with how rational and realistic/practical I am with things in life. I digress because the point I’m trying to make is that it really is a great “pick me up” movie to provide hope and an overall good sense of positivity. As long as you have a positive vibe within you and around you in life it will continue that way with everything surrounding you, including other people. It really is worth the watch-not like a typical drama or romance story either…

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman

A Crying Scare

I've been through different things and different levels of emotions in my life but nothing compared to what I felt during the night, three days before I delivered by second daughter. You see, my original due date was basically the first week in July, but instead because of healthy precautions that my doctor was taking, we were going to deliver close to the July date designated, but not at the forty week mark. Therefore I felt that I physically had enough time to prepare for the delivery. Boy was I ever wrong!

The year 2018 and the Friday before I delivered my second daughter, I was already oddly in pain and feeling a variety of unknown physical variables-many of which weren't anything I had known or ever experienced with my first daughter. I was physically exhausted and felt more heavy than any other day during the pregnancy, I was waddling uncontrollably, my back was hurting from the weight of the baby, I was feeling nothing close to Braxton hicks (as I had experiences with my first) but full on contractions - definitely more painful and persistent where nothing was making them go away- and then finally twice I thought my water had broke. Because of my oldest and I know my not completing what I thought would help prepare the arrival of her sister, I went about my day until I knew for sure that the contractions were close enough together to warrant going into the hospital. So my day continued on like any other with my mom and my oldest daughter...I will admit though that I was definitely even more moody that day. Deciding to let my husband (at that time as he is now my ex-husband) finish up working on his truck without us women around, my mom and I had decided to go visit my aunt and cousins that weren't far from the house. He was tinkering on his truck again and I didn’t know what for this round since it was another new truck and there wasn’t anything wrong that I was made aware of…apologies squirrel moment and I digress…So the afternoon and evening was spent with my cousins at my aunts house. I remember that at one point I had to tell my aunt how I was feeling so I could have some assistance if needed, without the panic or concern mode I knew my mom would go into.

Well the day finally ended and the evening  routine began-prepping my eldest for bed. After she was ready for bed I then proceeded to do my own nightly ritual; fixing the bed, washing my face, brushing my teeth, then fixing both my daughters bed and then our bedroom bed. I was still feeling odd or off whack, for lack of a better term, and even my oldest daughter started to act funny...she became uncontrollably clingy to me, that any movement I made from trying to rock her to sleep and leave, she would quickly awaken and try to get me to stay. I then took her into our bedroom to our bed…after a few minutes and thinking that she was peacefully and deeply asleep, she once again awoke to grab my hand while crying so I could stay, her realizing that my breath wasn't near her head/face; my husband couldn't even console or help her but it was getting to the point of my not even able to get up from bed to use the bathroom! So in order for me to have gone to the bathroom I had to literally go downstairs to the first floor and hand her to my mother while I used the bathroom; that was the only thing that would console her and give her comfort. My mother was the only person that she was able to calmly be with while she wasn't with me. Then when I was out of the bathroom and headed to bed, I had to have her with me and falling asleep with me...and that's where she stayed until about 1:15am. At 1:15am I had to move to the guest bedroom bed because between both my husband and oldest daughter, I was being kicked out of the bed! Thankfully my oldest was in deep REM sleep so my departure didn’t disturb her. At that moment I still felt my baby belly move or shift around, while walking to the guest bedroom and settled in a comfortable spot to fall asleep and rest…after of course relieving myself again in the bathroom. Prego women out there know exactly how annoying this part can be 😋

I oddly woke up again around 2:30am because I felt the sensation of needing to use the bathroom again. So there I go, big belly and all, when I noticed as I made my way back to bed that the baby hadn't budged or shifted as she usually did when I would use the bathroom. I made a mental note and then tucked myself in bed (more like rolly pollied my way back into the bed and fixed myself into what was the most comfortable position possible and tried to go back to sleep; except when I would rub my belly, the baby was still not making any movement. She would usually nudge me in someway when I would rub my belly and she wasn't doing it at all. I stayed calm thinking that maybe it was just my overall panic of the delivery date being close by, financial stress already, the fact that I thought I had my water broken since earlier, etc. I could even almost hear a doctor and my husbands voice in my head saying “babies in the belly fall asleep too”, but this was also intuitive for me, my mom had always reinforced to trust my instincts pre pregnancies and especially post. So my first goal was to stay calm, so I closed my eyes and tried to drift off to sleep. I felt myself moving or more like shifting positions in bed, so my hands veered back to rub my belly and still no movement...I tried gently nudging my stomach and still nothing. Everything and anything I did that would usually make the baby move wasn't working and the baby wasn't moving at all, nor any butterfly sensations of any kind. What felt like hours was only twenty seven minutes later and an emergency phone call to the doctor on call from my OBGYN office. I continued to try everything to make the baby move and when still nothing, I don’t remember how but I felt tears streaming down my face as I quietly cried, while walking to our bedroom to wake my husband. I walked towards his side of the bed and nudged him awake as I felt the hot tears rolling down my cheeks more and started whispering to him what was happening, so as not to wake our oldest sleeping in our bed. My husband tried to calm me down and then proceeded to do his things that would usually annoy or make the baby move and even his touches wouldn't do it! No reaction from within on the baby’s part. He finally just said for us to get ready and go to Labor and Delivery. I knew what that meant, money we didn't have for expenses we couldn't afford at this time, and my thoughts were going to the worst scenarios of what was going on in my stomach; so I couldn't help but begin to pray like crazy!

I started to change into my "check in clothes" even though I was having contraction pains, grabbed my "overnight bag" for the delivery scenario option just in case, then fixed the bed with our oldest daughter still sleeping, when my husband came quickly back upstairs to our bedroom to let me know that he had woken up my mother and was getting the truck ready with the binder we would need for the hospital. I started to tear up even more knowing I was leaving one little one while being cornered for the other little one...my mom gave me a quick blessing and then my husband and I headed out the door to the hospital. Thankfully a healthy second daughter was born almost three days later.

What’s the point of this story you may ask? The point is, whether it’s your first pregnancy or your 20th pregnancy, trust your instincts as a mom and/or mom to be because it’s the start of knowing how to be proactive where your kid/s safety, health, growth, and overall well-being is concerned. If you don’t know how to interpret those “spider senses” the pregnancy is a good start to understanding and “reading” those instinctual sensations you have.  

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman

Art and Crafts Outside - Family Life

This post is meant to correlate to a previous post I wrote, regarding gardening ideas. I mean what better way to spend quality time with your kids while it’s also an educational piece, if not when gardening. 

I don’t think I’ve met a child under the age of 10 who doesn’t like playing with dirt - oh who are we kidding I don’t believe any of us ever get tired of playing with dirt! With that being said why not spend some time with your kids outdoors by having them help you garden. Teach them about the plants that you’re planting, have them help you in fixing the planters and placing the plants in each planter, to fill them with water after putting the necessary plant feed, then fixing their location where they are to grow. Kids are hungry for attention but they’re hungrier for the compliments/satisfactory praise from their parents especially knowing that they’ve accomplished something and have it to show for. You can even make it into a multiple part activity, like I did for my daughters.

Part one was to literally have a shopping trip with my daughters to gather all of the supplies with some brainstorming creative ideas for the planters and future gardening expansion. Part two involved picking an afternoon with nice weather to be able to spend the afternoon with the tasks. Made sure my daughters were in comfy and athletic clothes without concern of getting dirty or messed up (while still looking cute of course :p ). I was happy that I managed to pick the perfect day to plant and be outside with them and the entire time it was smiles, laughing, and playing with dirt! Although I’ll admit that I didn’t think the entire arts and crafts portion, this part make sure you do before the planting of your plants :) Our part three entailed the official arts and crafts time and it was on a separate day. Even if they weren’t as actively participating in this part as they were in part two, they still did some painting, drawing,  and spent more time outdoors with mommy. 

So always remember that even the smallest of moments with your kiddos making them laugh and smile will be their memories for a lifetime… 

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman

Family and You - Family Life/Relationships

Have you ever bothered to ask someone if they’re family oriented or if they’re close to their family? It’s always interesting for me to hear their explanation and also notice when their verbal claim contradicts their actions in life. Its something interesting to find in passing with friendships but I find it extremely fascinating to observe when the answers provided are by those you’re dating/becoming seriously involved with. If you haven’t, then just broach this conversation with someone and see where it leads…

Now for the purpose of this post :) For starters are you a “Family Oriented” person or are you a person that was brought up in a “close knit family like upbringing” or are you “dedicated to family.” I know what you’re thinking, is there a difference and why so many options; probably didn’t even think that there was more than two options. In case you’re wondering what the difference is, allow me to elaborate a little by how I personally define the differences and how google defines it. Actually, we shall begin with how Google defines “close knit family” - bound together by intimate social or cultural ties or by close economic or political ties. My definition goes like this - a family that congregates (whether by blood relation or extended family) on major holidays, family as well as life emergencies, social events, and that have a close or semi close relation in communication daily or at least weekly/monthly depending on personal lives. Where there may be gaps in the timeframe of communication but you can easily just pick up where you last left off. Google defines “family oriented” as - the family that you were born into and/or someone who has their family at the heart of all that they do and all the decisions that they make. My definition goes like this - the family your born into by blood/adoption who you communicate with either once a week (as a minimum) or possibly daily as a (maximum); that you don’t just see them for major holidays and family functions/events but for every birthday/anniversary and family gathering. Google defines “dedicated to family” as - committing yourself to family and everything your family entails, where you’re meaning of life and purpose, is to surround yourself with family. My definition goes a little like this - where you main purpose and way of life is specifically surrounded around the family and all that it entails, even if it puts your own social/personal life on hold or at risk, because the individual is more committed to the family ties then to create new “family ties” of their own, outside of their family unit. 

So why, you may ask, am I even writing about this? Well, a few weeks ago (as well as about a few months back in another occurrence) there was a conversation at the dinner table amongst family members (I know the irony) about how the family unit in society today has changed from what it once was, when my uncles and parents were younger. Obviously, as the years pass so do the fads and phases of social teachings but what typically remains key to progress and adults in the world is their upbringing or the kind of exposure they have with/to their family. Pretty much up until my sister and I, some ways of life have changed amongst our family. For example, my parents and their siblings didn’t go out of their state and/or city for their college/university education per say - during their times their parents deemed that to be unnecessary regardless of the many benefits/scholarships and advantageous possibilities for their own futures; simply just unheard of in addition to life circumstances to not having the financial possibility. Well what about scholarships and student loans, you may ask, yes even regardless of two of my uncles having full rides for their academic careers there was more concern for external variables and them being away from home than their future careers. Which brings us to the example of my cousins currently, where my dad’s brother’s kids all stayed local except for one (the oldest) and my mom’s sisters children are definitely doing outside our family norm because not only are they both going out of town for their schooling, they’re staying/have stayed in the dorms along with the oldest not even living in the same state for his master’s degree; he’s literally across the nation! Another example towards the content of the conversation had at the dinner table was about dating and when you’re involved in a serious relationship. Obviously circumstantial variables play into these next few statements like single parents/parenting, perhaps you’re the caretaker of your elderly parents, etc - those are the circumstantial variables I’m referring to, which are all understandable variables as well.

If you’re dating someone yet you’re making your family more important than the person you’re trying to get serious with, then what gives that person you’re seeing the notion or hope that they will ever become just as important to you as your family. There’s a difference between being brought into someone’s circle and being hopeful that you’ll be creating a new circle with that person altogether. Yes love is not fragile, its understanding, and the many other wonderful virtues but to help nurture the “love” you have to give the person the “feeling” of appreciation with the hope their your time will soon be their time, not that they will always be put on the back burner-this applies to both male and females by the way. Please don’t try to dissect my statement as there is nothing hidden between the lines, just making observational statements. How can you expect someone to make you important in their lives if you don’t make the attempt to make them feel important in your life, or at least to be considered important in your life. Yes, open communication about things that occur with family will be appreciated and go a long way but also not jumping ship on plans you’ve made with your significant other because of family (outside of family emergencies) is a little dumb-founding and questionable. Always imagine how you would feel if the tables were turned; women tend to say when annoyed, “every time mommy calls he stops what we’re doing and we have to do what his mom needs even if it’s something simple like going to the store to pick up something. It’s not like she’s needing it at that moment!” Or I’ve heard the comments made by men, “I can appreciate and value how family oriented she is but I feel like we can’t do anything together if it’s not around her family all the time. I don’t mind it sometimes but not all the time and at every occasion, how else am I supposed to learn about her personally if it’s always in a group setting and it’s not focused undivided attention.”

I personally see myself as “an evolved family oriented” person (to my sister it’s what she likes to call “Americanized Hispanic”). I thoroughly enjoy my family when we come together and at the family/social functions however, I’m of the mindset of limitations towards how much family time is involved. Birthday’s for little ones up until the 18th birthday are nice however thereafter I’m of the mindset to ask the person what they want to do for their birthday not force a full family gathering for it, every birthday automatically. The older/elderly is a nice treat for them to still have the family gathering so obviously that’s a yes for me. I do not believe in celebrating anniversaries together as a family unless it’s those major numbers unless the couple is wanting to involve the family at their discretion. A prime example for me is Christmas and New Years, where my family is used to being together almost every day from Christmas Eve until New Year’s Day. I think that’s lovely every other year or every couple of years, but literally to do that every year - yea I don’t think I can do that or at least give me the option of New Year’s Eve without family or family plan…I think I shall digress now…

I suppose, if you are to take anything away from this post it’s about some self reflection on what type of “family” person are you?

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman

Gardening Ideas or Your Outdoor Space - General

Whether you like to garden/plant on a budget or perhaps are looking for an inexpensive activity with many fruitful effects this post is for you! 

This has been something I’ve been doing since the spring of 2019 and it’s been working like a charm, not only from the perspective of my wallet but also that of “family activity time” as well as “gardening”. I remembered when I was little that my grandfather (on my moms side) had a beautiful backyard that had a wide variety of flowers and bushes. I use to think to myself, especially considering how peaceful his yard seemed, that one day I would love to create my own serene garden but hopefully also do some vegetation or herbs. In case your wondering no I don’t have some large backyard (yet) but I came to realize during the winter of 2018, that your “serene garden” isn’t limited to the square footage or space, its what you make of it. So I took the time to measure my large patio space so that I could figure out what how to make the most of the space since I had plenty of time to purchase items and really envision the space I wanted. The point I want you to understand at this point of the post, is that I was making use of the time prior to spring 2019 arriving. Take the time to envision and create your space/garden because as my grandfather used to tell me in his garden, the plants also need love and attention so if you don’t give the area love and a nurturing feeling your plants won’t thrive. Well when this commencement of thought process began for my garden, we (my daughters and I) were living in a three bedroom apartment home that had this lovely patio entrance, in addition to the main door entrance. The image below shows the main living area in front of the kitchen space, that’s where the patio entrance from the exterior was. So what I was envisioning was a space that would allow me to see/hear my children play while I was in the kitchen, a place that would be fun for my girls while being a place of relaxation for me, something outdoors that would allow delicious and soothing fragrances, a place of entertaining visitors, and most of all a place where I could possibly sit down to look/listen to the storms that rolled in (or perhaps enjoy the outdoor sounds while being inside the home.) With that mental visualization of the space, I was able to begin brainstorming on the types of plants I would be planting. Obviously being a single mom since then, budgeting is always something I’m conscientious about, so these ideas are price efficient :) In case you’re worried about that.

I had budgeted a total of $800 for my patio idea…so I began with what I thought would be the most expensive, the patio furniture (which I still have to this day and continue to re-use in this new home we’ve been in). Contrary to online furniture buying phobias many have, I was and continue to be successful in my online purchases through Amazon. I bought my patio set of two rocker chairs with a loveseat bench and all their cushions, in addition to an end table-all for $396.72 (that’s includes the shipping on Amazon Prime). In case you’re wondering there are still some good patio sets online for that price even if mine was purchased back in 2019. The apartment home did have it’s patio light but it wasn’t LED and it was an awful bright light that served it’s purposes to shed light but didn’t help in mood or just enjoying the outdoor space, so I ended up purchasing all the outdoor LED lighting (yes that I can and have re-purposed still today); pendant lights to hang (a total o four of them) and these two string lights that I ended up wrapping around the little fence area posts - all for a total cost of $89.98 (all lights were purchased from Amazon). The outdoor lighting was all wireless (battery operated and came with a remote) and considering that they weren’t plugged in and I used the lights almost every night during the nice weather and storms, battery life was considerably surprising to me. $18 a piece for the stone pieces (purchased from Home Depot) for the entrance of the gate and $10 for the door entrance mat (from Wal-Mart). $118.72 for the plants and planters, but they were from two different locations; all planters were purchased from Wal-Mart (a total of 10) along with four small cilantro plants, two rosemary plants, and four small sweet mints. The reason for the purchase of these specific small plants at Wal-Mart was because these plants thrive and grow quickly if done right so it’s not about purchasing a large plant but finding the best ones TO plant; they’re also way less expensive :) You see, the small plants can all be planted together and in doing so their roots will all expand nicely into the planters and provide you quick new “buds” or extensions of their branches, in turn giving you a very “full” or “bushy” plant in your planter. The more you cut and use them, the quicker it grows and replenishes as well. I digress and move on…Three plant food packages, two large lavender plants, two lemon-thyme plants, two lemongrass plants, a small cherry tomato plant, and a small jalapeño plant - were all purchased at Home Depot along with the one large bag of All Purpose Garden Soil. Then at Ollies, I found this great square artificial turf mat (with the idea of myself or the girls ever just wanting to sit down on the ground) that was mold resistant and could get wet and be used for outdoors.  

Why you may ask the garden soil and not the vegetation soil or whatever other special soil, I’m not sure except to answer that question with, my grandfather proved to me that special soil was never required for his plants so I continued with that belief and rule (instead of also dishing out more money for the soil) and observed how my “green thumb” would be. So this soil has been doing wonders and working quite well for me for all my plants since! And yes I still use that soil today with my plants. All that being said, the grand total of it all comes out to be $711.22. 

Also in case you were wondering why I chose those specific plants, here’s the reason why :) First off I’m sure everyone can agree to hating mosquitos or bugs of any kind entering your home, yet you’re wanting to enjoy the outdoors or the ability to have the screen door/mesh only at your entrance doors. Lavender, lemongrass, lemon-thyme, sweet mint, and rosemary are the most poignant natural mosquito repellants-so if you have those planted as closest to your entry doors you eliminate those pesky flying bugs from entering into your domain, especially if you get into the habit of slightly “petting” or rubbing on those plants every time you open the doors. I have confirmed to this day that wherever I’ve lived no annoying mosquito’s have affected the three of us! Also all the plants I’ve chosen can be used for cooking as well as creating herbal teas (whether hot or cold). 

This brings me to the right here and right now, Spring 2022 where I now do have a yard but haven’t created the backyard “paradise” that I want yet…however I have started on my plants. $63.84 got me the image you see below; four planters, two packages of plant food, one large bag of soil, three lemon thymes, one rosemary, one lavender, and three cilantro plants. It’s a start for one door entry and since those were all planted on April 9th, I’ve been able to cook and make plenty of things since with them since they’re growing like weeds. You’ll see when it comes to my next post ;) 

Once I start the backyard creation I’ll also let you know how that goes and what ways I was able to save for that!

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman