This was a blog post I wrote so long ago but never got around to posting it. When it was written it was not long after knowing I was pregnant with my second child and problems regarding m ex-husband along with his family persisted and only got worse...I needed an outlet and writing was always my sanctuary (well during that time counseling and writing was a safety when I wasn't at church or with my girls). So this is unedited and the original first draft of this post. Appreciate your patience and you're time for reading.
One of my previous posts from last year, before my rather silent absence, was during the month of April. However it did not mention the most important of events in that month, as it was solely focused on a mother getting back into shape (physically and health wise). Well April was the month of not only Easter (as I am a practicing and heartfelt Catholic) but of the second most blessed feeling for a mother to have for her child. I was to have my daughter baptized in the Catholic Church and in a humbling location with the top most influential priests of the beginning of my young adult life. It was amazing to me, not only still with the flutters of new motherhood, but of this momentous and life binding responsibility as a parent. I had accepted the responsibility of the gift of my daughter that was given to me, but now in choosing to baptize her, well - that’s a life altering and life changing responsibility a part from motherhood. You see you are now accepting, ackwloedging, and making the promise of the fact that you are now solely responsible for the moral decisions the individual will make; in addition to how their souls will appear before God at their death and on Judgement Day. A responsibility that is shared with the Godparent/s but not necessarily as heavy the weight should be on their shoulders compared to that of the parent/s. Sadly these are ideals or visions that are merely overlooked as Christians and/or Catholics, because in today’s mind all they say and see is that “if you’re religious sure you just automatically baptize your child” without any true reflection or decisive action in that it’s an understanding of the importance of this baby/child/adults life whether they may or may not realize it at that moment. This is a topic close to my heart and that I will re-touch again on a later post. Anyway...
So I’ve been working full time, a mother full time (even from afar with my mother assisting in the care and safety of my child at home while I work), and planning the celebration of the baptism of my daughter. A known tradition is that the invitees are the ones you’ve chosen to bear witness to this individuals baptism and that in turn are also responsible in holding that person liable for their actions in the future especially if immoral. They are extensions of the moral teaching of the parent/s and Godparent/s when that person is not in their presence. So there are a good amount of people that I wanted and made sure to invite; whether it be because of their true friendship or because of their influence on my life and that of actual family members; who I know will or at least assume will take a part in my daughters life. Well unfortunately, the invite list was heavily based on my side as opposed to our daughters father (now my husband). There was a special significance in the location to where I chose to have my daughter baptized and that was something I may never share except with my own daughter (when she’s of age); it’s something so personal and intimate in faith as well as my journey at the time. The priests that were in attendance were very significant in their roles, both even now and then; yes, that means there was more than one priest who celebrated the baptism-a total of two priests were present and celebrated the baptism. I was filled with wonder in the preparations of the baptism to the point that I was planning and organizing in enough time in advance for every details to take place. I mention this because my now mother-in-law had mentioned to me about the beauty and tradition and an heirloom/inherited baptism gown. I was thrilled with her idea because my family unfortunately were not able to salvage the baptism gowns of the family due to their complete discoloration and deterioration. This would be something special and new for my girl and for my new family, so I left her in charge and she had stated that one of her clients was able to design, make it, and have it ready for the baptism. A date which was known in advance and in plenty of time prior to the event taking place.
I waited literally a month before the baptism date to notify the Godparent as it was not a decisions I was going to make rashly or just on the spot based on speculation. I say this because my daughters father (now husband) is not and never seemed to be religious even though baptized Methodist. He was never practicing in faith then so unfortunately the recommendation he had for a Godfather was not possible in the eyes of the church because they were not Catholic. This was a thorough conversation I had to have with him to explain as best as I could that there was certain religious traditions and rules that revolved around the baptism of a child in the Catholic faith. You see a Godparent can not be (2) members of the same sex, nor can they not be practicing Catholics. They must be in full union with the Catholic Church (accepting and receiving all sacraments of the faith) and be a current practicing Catholic of the traditions and laws of the church; this being for the sole reason of being able to respect the religioun of the parent/s as well as teaching the faith of the parent/s. We went through our ideals and list of family members; so legally and on documentation my daughters Godmother is my sister and in social retrospect her Godparent’s are my sister and my husbands best friend. My sister and I were able to prepare ourselves for the Baptism class and in the necessities of the baptism itself. I wanted for my sister to focus on herself in her role and on the items I knew she would know to be important to the sacrament. Note this was already a month in advance to the blessed event (where invitations were sent out close to two months in advance). Where I had yet to hear about a baptism gown or the guarantee of a baptism gown for my daughters baptism. So being the individual that I am in NOT wanting to wait last minute or scramble for something, especially for a moment this important, I asked for my family’s assistance in search for the baptism gown and items associated with the wardrobe for my daughter-in case (even when I already had a feeling) of a lapse on the person who I had let in charge of that item.
I will say this before delving into details; I was very glad it wasn’t a full mass in celebration of the baptism because I would have not been able to take communion for my anger up to two weeks prior to the event and on the day of. An anger so overwhelming that I had to attend the sacrament of reconciliation the most immediate time and day that I would be able to attend. You see I was notified two weeks prior to the actual event that this wonderful family gown that would be inherited from generation to generation would not be and that my mother-in-law was shopping online for the gown. Sending me two days after letting me know of gowns that were humbling for the occasion yet something that looked more like an Easter dress than a baptism gown. You may think it snooty on behalf of my Catholic tradition but considering that my daughter was my first born and that she was already specially blessed since birth...I did not want her gown to reflect simple modesty but that of the beautiful and majestic grace that had befallen her since in the NICU. My sister bought her gown (that in turn also turned into a dress for after the baptism celebration) the weekend prior to the event and thankfully it was the one we had originally seen and wanted but had awaited for the verdict of someone else before purchasing...
The blessed day for my daughter and there was no “t” not crossed or “i” that wasn’t dotted-I made sure of that. Both for the guests (witnesses) and that of my family (both new and immediate). The restaurant was secured and taken care of for the reception thereafter, accommodations had been made for the family of my now husband, and it was only a matter of getting ready for the event. My family (mother, father, sister, and now husband) were all assisting me in getting ready and my daughter. Everything seemed to be going well and looked positive for the day...until I saw what my mother-in-law was wearing. Wardrobe in a place of worship (even in the Catholic Church) seems to either be overlooked or not enforced enough, whether by the clergy itself or my parental control. Out of shere respect for the church in which you enter, no matter the denomination as you are coming together to workshop our Lord and savior, you should NOT be dressed to go to the beach as if you have your two piece swimsuit underneath your dress. Maybe that’s just me and the conservative academic background in the Catholic private schools I had, or my parents teaching of the modesty of a lady, or just that of the Catholic faith itself when we entered into the celebration of receiving a sacrament...I remember that the master of ceremony and coordinator would tell us “you are not to have your boobs hanging out, tube tops, spaghetti straps, or mini skirt length skirts or dresses of any kind. You are preparing to receive the Lord in a new way and should always remember that when dressing for mass/church.” Everyone else (including those not practicing in any Christian denomination, had the decency and education/respect of entering the church with modesty and appropriate clothing. I about wanted to cry because this was the mother of my soon to be husband that year and this was a reflection (whether unintentional or not) of what my now husband was exposed to.
It was a beautiful ceremony in it’s simplicity and yet in the various traditional details. Looking back on the day even now though I am heartfully sorry that my sister in her new role of Godmother did not get as much time alone with my daughter as I has originally envisioned or imagined. I was in severe mother mode that day and unless my daughter cued her dad or I, she basically stayed with either him or I. At the time I didn’t think it bad considering it would be fair to all attending that our daughter wouldn’t be more in one persons arms than the other. But sadly, there wasn’t many or any of just them two to commemorate forever in an image, that they were Godmother and Goddaughter; this was all also the case at the reception. A reception that my now husband says he will not pay that much for if we have any future children. It was a full (3) course meal for everyone and unlike what he wanted to do, celebratory tradition is that you are paying for everyone else as you’ve invited them to celebrate and witness, not carrying or worrying about cost. He said then he had never known or heard something like that; the irony is that last year at a friends daughters baptism (who are American and Catholics), they followed suit with not having their guests pay their way in the celebration of the reception.
All in all, I’m blessed that my daughter was able to receive her sacrament and that she was a beautiful baptized child of God that day...then the beautiful Christian irony would be a fully initiated Catholic come that weekend for her very first Easter!
Sincerely,
A Distinct Woman
