Utah Adventures Pt 1 - General/Family/Recommendations

Obviously when someone says mountains or wanting a trip into the mountains, they think perhaps Washington state or more so Colorado for its Rocky Mountains region, maybe some Montana or Wyoming. Though many may feel that those are better options especially because of the climates overall, but there are some nice hidden gems within the state of Utah, more specifically around the Salt Lake City area. I know Utah, red rocks and heat and hiking, however that's not really what I think makes the state and more so the city vast in the options it gives you when you're taking a quick getaway, vacationing for a while or perhaps even living there for a timeframe. 

Why do I personally say that? Well not only because of my adventures through there which I'll get to, but because of the work opportunity that allowed my family and I some ample time there. Located in a good chunk of the state are the Wasatch Mountains which is a subrange of the Rocky Mountains. Of course, Colorado is known for its locations/cities and traveling fun, but don't you worry because Utah isn't too far behind especially when you want to pinch some funds and explore/enjoy more...just saying. Don't get me wrong some areas in Utah are just as expensive as areas in Colorado, but whether for a couple vacationing or a family, you can plan a more fulfilled trip to Utah without losing an arm and a leg and still splurge some, compared to that of the cities in Colorado which are more known FOR their mountain ventures and snowy seasons; let's face it, even during their off seasons in Colorado they are pretty high in costs! Compared to that of Utah, it's a year-round ability to travel as well as vacation on your dime. Something feasible, realistic, enjoyable, satisfying, spell binding in its own ways, and still plenty to explore and submerge the pallet as well!

To begin our Utah adventures, we will start with one of our all-time favorites at a location and place that we frequented with a high quantity! Whether it was just us three musketeers or also including my uncle, my parents, and my sister. It wasn't just one gorgeous drive through the mountain landscape, but the highway was impressively well maintained in any weather (slick rain or ice and during the winter snowy season). The Stein Eriksen Lodge in Park City. There are two routes to the destination, and both provide ample mountain views, overlooks, and a memorable experience while driving. The route I mentioned above is the easiest and shorter of routes because it takes you through main large highways constantly supervised and accessed by all travelers. The second route is more for the locals, scenic and long rides, or where you just want to take a longer route, then be my guest. So the main and fastest route takes you into and then to the outskirts of Salt Lake City, where you depart SLC city limits into the mountain canvas with high and low turns and one heck of an adrenaline and fun strip of driving. As you get closer to Park City, you can see the practice grounds for the skiing and bobsled practice area for the Winter Olympics along with all the shops for both the natives, locals, as well as the visitors. You pass quaint little areas and then your route takes you into the heart of Park City to see some beautiful housing and condos and ski resorts/spots. To get the sites entrance you drive through Park City to the "back" of the city, more towards the mountains and take a road that winds you up one of the mountain ridge lines where other homes, condos, and living rentals are; leading to the main entrance for checking in to the Lodge Resort or to valet for the experience of dining. 

Whether it's Sunday Brunch or dinner time the restaurant truly NEVER disappoints and even as the weather gets cold or the nights are a little cool in temperatures the seating outside to be still be served a full meal is one of the most luxurious feelings in the mountains, I've experienced in forever or more like for the first time but it soon becomes the first time every time! They keep fresh clean and warm blankets on hand for their evening dining on the fire pit tables. Depending on the time you go it's definitely an experience you have to have!

We sadly (although not really because it was awesome, we're just blessed for the continued opportunities) were there so many times that the Valet's always knew it was us with our vehicles whether it was my vehicle or that of my folks. They actually knew my daughters by name and always made sure to open both of their doors for exiting the vehicle. I'll admit it felt pretty damn good to be "known" from entry to table and exit but that was built over time obviously, however they detail that they entire staff went into catering to us or providing us an awesome experience every time (whether it was because of sincerity of their job) paid off because we sure kept coming back!

Oddly enough this was one of the few places that my mom even enjoyed sitting outside to eat! The weather like I mentioned allowed for it but it's the smell of nature and how well they treated the area that allowed for rodent and insect free enjoyment; more than likely why my mother never minded it. On rainy days we would obviously eat in their main dining area more but more often than nought, we almost always ate outside. They have pit tables for all sizes of parties and whether it was the warm season or not because of the mountains, you were guaranteed a cool night air to always warrant the firepit warmth.

Now their menu! Sunday Brunch was always worth it and oh so delicious from their various stations that ranged from all categories of food. It was a little hefty but so worth it and everyone ate well for the day (basically are one meal unless we went walking/biking later). As their website says, "traditional breakfast items along with a carving station, several hot entrées, a variety of salads and starches, shrimp, sushi, crab claws, salmon, fresh fruit, fresh crêpes station, omelet station, and house-made pastries (menu items are subject to change based on availability and seasonality)." Let me tell you there is PLENTY for their availability even seasonally. 

For their daily experience of delicious food for all courses and variable pricing but the best experience each and every time! It was Troll Hallen dining for us so that we could sit at the firepit tables. the entire dining experience is so tranquil and cozy as well as accommodatingly quick whether for a romantic setting, nostalgia, or a family night out. We would bring our north face fleece jackets or the thin north face wind breakers since we knew that the restaurant would provide us with freshly clean and warm blankets to cover us up with. I'll admit that the chairs weren't luxuriously cushioned and comfortable and yet they were comfortable to sit for our almost two-to-three-hour dining experience. Oh, we would always go through the entire menu from first course to last (meaning the dessert) and even the alcoholic beverages were - lordy I'm making my mouth water and the thought of it all while I type this and remember. 

My kiddos always had their dessert cup or bowl (again seasonal or special menu items) with their water and a cup of hot chocolate. It was truly a memorable experience whether it's your first or your one hundredth visit. 

So, make the time, plan a trip, and make memories on beautiful hikes as well as scenery. It won't disappoint. Come back for part two at another Utah location!

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman

Lake Mary & Lake Mary Trail, UTAH - General/Family/Adventure/Recommend

Adventuring was something I grew up with and so of course my girls would have the same experiences or close to in the ability to have low and high-cost adventures (depending on what God allowed of course.) With their ages being on the smaller side though in some instances and opportunities there was of course some adjustments to be made. 

What do I mean, well I've read and seen some horrible stories published or plastered on the news about families who have lost their toddler who fell to their death, or the baby who was harnessed on a parent but slipped out and died on a hiking trail, or a family traveling together on some treacherous off roading trail that's meant for experts but the family decides to still go anyway and the vehicle falls down the mountain killing all or in other instances parents are deceased leaving orphan children. The point is in all those circumstances it's up to God on who is called "Home" HOWEVER as parents it's our job to not knowingly or purposely put our kids and family at risk unnecessarily. Now my parents and sister could argue this point stating that I can throw caution to the wind so that we experience something but that's only because of how much hovering they've always done my entire life (lovingly and with good reasons for the most part). So though understandable from where they're coming from, I DO NOT put my kids at peril, but I also know that I'm not going to allow fear to enter into my mind or heart otherwise mistakes can be easily made and outside of God's plan. Like this particular post is about a hike that I'm taking with my two toddlers, but they are able to vocalize and communicate, carry their own little back packs of water and snacks, as well as be able to walk correctly and agilely. Therefore, leaving my two hands and senses alert and on the ready to grab and execute as needed for their safety. So, my point is that I waited until they were at least old enough to do certain adventurous things. 

My sister had found this location, and it wasn't necessarily some expert hike/climb, so it allowed for everyone to participate; my uncle, my parents, my sister, and us three musketeers to drive to this beautiful location. Take in the glorious creation God made in not just the drive there but soon after parking at the base of the mountain. Like always I packed all the essentials that the car could hold, made sure that the backpacks both my daughters were carrying had their own bottled water and at least three of their snacks, so I could hold and carry the rest in my backpack. My backpack had the large bottle waters, Gatorade, snack bars, fruit snacks, napkins, baby wipes, sanitizers, off spray, and my girls' jackets because once you got higher in elevation up the mountain the temperature was cooler.

So, there we all went up the hike with a few stop points to have everyone adjust and enjoy the trail as well as the sights in general. My goal was for my girls and I to have the snack while we rested and chilled the most at the top of the mountain where the lake was located. At the first stopping point is where my mom noticed that the girls were carrying their own things in their backpacks, actually so I do the dialogue justice its below:

Mom: You have them carrying their own stuff?!

Me: Well yeah because I'm carrying everything else.

Mom: They are little and can't carry the weight!

Me: Yes, they can and you didn't use to carry our things either!

Mom: Yea but I also didn't have you carrying heavy things either.

Me: It's not heavy it's one of the small bottles of waters they'll survive. I'm carrying the big ones; besides they need to be able to handle it and carry it themselves. Builds strength, character, and responsibility because they packed it themselves with the snacks, so I could carry the rest of the right snacks that they need.

The End

There were no other commentaries at the other mini rest breaks we took but the trail itself continued to prove itself beautiful and peaceful. People while walking down the trail from the lake while we climbed up. My sister planned the timing of the hike so that we weren't getting the full blast of heat from the sun regardless of the mountain. 

One of our favorite little pit stops was right before crossing over this little creek and wooden bridge there was an overlook with a serene sounding waterfall and a truly majestic view. 

The pictures don't give it justice so when you're there, just take as many deep breaths and mental pictures as you can. I made sure I had death grips on my children when we were on the boulder closest to the waterfall so you could feel the sprays of the misty water that was falling. When one was looking out the other, I instructed to death grip my leg and squat some to not only anchor her mother BUT to also balance her weight on the rocky area altogether. Once my uncle was with us, they wanted to go out each of them on the boulder, so I took my break at that point. 

We finally made our way past the dam structure and over more rocks and boulders. My being cautious and searching for any wildlife as well as snakes, spiders, and any other creepy crawlers that like to stay within and around nice cool temperature rocks. We three settled on as flat an area as possible and that was very close to the water so we could relax once more before making the trail back down. I could see that the girls were getting tired and carrying them with the sun fast moving into sunset position was going to be close, so we went in search of my family back at the top area (because they had already passed us in their perusing of the area). 

I don't know why it's always easier to go up on mountain hikes but going DOWN, it takes a toll on the sense and body-I think it's because your mind knows you're about to completely dip your energy and just relax with no more sensory overload. My family helped me with the little ones on the going down. Where possible my uncle and I were swinging one daughter to make progress down the trail and my folks were doing the same with my other daughter (my uncle and I had my heavier weight daughter in hand). We made it to the very bottom where the vehicles were parked in record time and with the sun finally setting so that rays were pointing towards the sky and the mountain was covering the sun entirely. 

We did our wipe down, the girls were sweating and hungry so second snacks and food were provided and the girls went potty in the special private setup I had at the back of the car for them to not have to hold the restroom, especially since one was well past potty training and the second child was close to being completely potty trained and no incidents. Vehicles were loaded up and we made our way back home...

So, plan a trip, make a plan, experience a kind of peace that only you can receive when you mix faith and God's creation into the day. It's worth it believe me...

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman 

Broad Shoulders - General

When I first started school and mind you this is pre-k, I was already one very confident person but that was all personality and character NOT regarding or understanding that being confident about your body was another level and another layer of confidence. So, my Catholic private school had school uniforms and grade pre-k thru 1st grade you had to wear this jumper skirt that was over a white specific style shirt and then white socks and a specific brand of shoes (that all boys and girls would have to wear). At that age group it was white Keds tennis shoes.

You might be wondering what that has to do with this post? Well, I never paid attention to my physical attributes until much later in life and it was only because of others pointing it out. So, one thing began to become obvious to me because of how shirts or sports jerseys used to fit me. I didn't have some delicate physique nor was a puny thing, small but tall and able bodied. Then my sister would pinpoint my tomboy phase with my broad shoulder and that's where it started. Growing up in junior high and then into high school I knew I never looked completed docile, and my broad shoulders were always a factor. I actually really liked my high school uniform because it was an elegant style, sporty when desired, and it was a style that allowed me to actual "feel" feminine for a change. 

Broad shoulders was always a thing in my life, always a challenge for outfits whether in high school or in college. It was always trying to because my mother and sister would try to provide me outfits that I didn't like but that would "help you look good with your broad shoulder". I knew then and know still now that it was all with good intentions with probably the thoughts that it, I wouldn't be concerned but the fact it was something I didn't have a problem with, and others tried to insist on clothing that would be more flattering to my physique...it all went into another direction.

After many trials and errors as well as personal reflection and my life circumstances it was blatantly evident to me (but not to everyone else apparently, because of course at the time they didn't know that I was going to be married let alone also have kids). It didn't matter what exercises I did to lean out, stay toned, have muscle, and it also didn't matter what foods I was consuming either. I finally decided to accept what was mine. I also secretly liked how strong I was physically for lifting and weights so I knew it would be something for a reason.

With the deadbeat father I sadly chose for my kids the broader shoulders helped in my life as a mother. Not just the first time but especially more so when the second little one came into the world. I was always trying to ensure that my arms could hold them both, I strove to make sure that my arms and hands wouldn't be weak to hold them both whether at the same time or when I was with one and the other. It was a promise I made to myself not just once but twice during my emotional nights. I would pray and work at always having a solid hard grip, that the muscle memory in the arms as well as my wrists would be strengthened and challenged. To hold my precious gifts in my arms, carrying one in the front and back at the same time, or in whatever way fits. I will try what I can do maintain the strength that God gave me physically. Not many women are powerful in their lower and upper body, well naturally and without body building or bulking up of some kind. It's part of my motherhood strength and not a flaw. 

Embrace your shape by learning how it defines you and not how the world defines it. You'll be not only happier that way, but you'll know how to make it a part of what makes you attractively unique. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder-specifically speaking that's supposed to you your one and only that is.

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman 

The Upside - Movie Recommendation

So, if you're looking for a good movie that has the potential of hitting you personally on a few levels or aspects than this is a movie for you to watch. It's also a plus that it's a true story so it leaves you even more in wonder.

It will give you moments of sorrow, laughter, joy, self-reflection as well as some solid angry moments as well. I enjoyed the characters interactions and their growth from their personal struggles. It was a good movie-so if you haven't seen it or read it! I encourage and recommend it!

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman

Tradition + New Family Heirlooms - General/Family

"My Darling girls - never ever apologize to the world for the fierce fire burning in you. The fire that rips across the horizon, illuminates paths, and is a beacon of hope as well as light for those that pass you by or come to know you. Let people be hypnotized by the light rising of your inner flames. Their water can't stop you and their structures can't contain you. Go ahead and Burn."

As the years continue to go by, I come to realize more and more that the things that matter and core beliefs/values remain lost in society or are slowly being wiped out altogether. It's almost as if evolving in this world takes away the beauty and wonder of growth, where instead of building on the core foundation a person should have, it's reconstruction and basically changing your entire "appearance." to fulfill the agenda of the market or that of whatever movement is being publicized. Family traditions and heirlooms are now rare or close to non-existent ideologies and goals. Values are focused on self-satisfaction/gratification, not something associated to lineage and hard work earnings to pass down for one's family history. Shoot not even teenagers now adays have the understanding of their own family lineage or ancestors not to mention they have no involvement or notion of their heritage. 

So where do you stand? Are you a person who knows their ancestry and heritage or do you live in the shadows of society by only what you are told and see, that to fit in you should be/act/live a certain way? Do you have any traditions from your faith, heritage, or ancestry? If you're answer is no or you don't know, have you even bothered to take the time and investigate or perhaps figure out if you want to retain any? If you're answer is yes but you don't follow them or practice them, then why not? Is there something that you can tweak to retain the tradition or perhaps make it a new one? A newer evolved tradition with your spin or the newer aged family members spin to it. Maybe I should've started with whether or not you even know what all those things mean/are? It might seem like a stupid question, but you'd be surprised (if you haven't bothered to look or notice already) how stupid the current teenage generation is and the very few who are wanting to make more out of themselves-not just monkey see and monkey do, but that's a post for another day. The point is, let's break it down before I get into my story. 

When you look up "tradition" its definition is broken up into subcategory definitions based on (1) social/cultural, (2) familial, (3) religious, and (4) institutional. "Tradition" is from the Latin word tradere which means "to hand over"; so, it's a belief or custom passed down within a group or society from generation to generation. Whether people know it or believe it, but traditions tend to allow people a sense of purpose or identity, which is why I find it interesting how the younger individuals of the world have just lost their way because they have no faith foundation and they definitely have no tradition to carry down...let's rewind and go back to (1); this is where community traditions come into play like events/holidays or celebrations as well as culinary practices. (2) rituals that are unique to the household like game nights or event practices like when to open presents at a birthday celebration or specifically unique household rituals. (3) religious traditions are born from doctrines, ceremonies, and oral as well as written texts; however, all of these are typically passed down by the faith or within the faith but that doesn't mean you can't ADD more to it within your own households as well. For example my household goes to Mass at least (2) other days out of the week outside Sunday as well as attending Eucharistic Adoration - we've been doing it since even before my children were born and I still did it even with them being in arms, strollers, and finally walking - although I also never had my kids running around, screaming, or making a fuss in adoration either! They always knew better after the ONE time they both tried (in separate events and ages of course). Any who...and lastly there's the institutional one, which more are more from professional, academic, and even legal long-standing settings and practices - kind of like graduation gowns and hats. 

Now what's the difference between ancestral traditions compared to that of traditions from your heritage? The ancestral part is based off of biological as well as genetic lineages, so basically who you are a descendent from whereas heritage promotes the cultural, traditional, and historical legacies passed down to you. Which brings me to the reason for this post...

My mother was so hopeful in having keepsakes for my sister and I from our life events to provide us with as well as hand down should we to ever have children of our own. Well though my mother wanted to do that for our baptism dress it didn't happen. However, when my sister found this beautiful, designed dress even without a thought to more children I wanted to ensure it was well kept should my oldest want it for herself and any future family God would provide her. So, I followed a family and religious tradition to where we wanted to make sure that a baby baptism was done - but I will also say I felt in my heart that even if it wasn't a tradition I was going to ensure my baby was baptized in the Catholic faith-the same faith that saved me and brought me consolation and peace during my before, during, and post my pregnancy...

How silly we are to believe that we have truly any control of children because though I was learning the man who had been the sperm donor for the first, well though I was praying and close to my Lord how or why the second pregnancy came along I'm not sure. I feel with deep conviction that the first was to save my soul but the second...I strongly feel was more to save his soul and he didn't take it-but the Lord knew I wouldn't deny life and my oldest would have the closest thing to a best friend if I raised them right. So, the baptism dress would be and was used once more. My second child used it and was something sweet and heartwarming to see as their mother...

Fast forward and we are now at the First Communion for my oldest. I already had in mind the same intent for the dress but because of the literal acceptance, want, and will of the person going through First Communion, whoever used it after my first child-it would be an option to have and use NOT a requirement. Which made me think of the following. So, when we were shopping for dressed, I was asking both my daughters regarding the dress that we would buy. If they both liked, it than it would work as something to hand down again. It was an Amazon dress, (of all things I know) and though I spent a while searching I thought it was uniquely suited for both my girls. It was beautifully designed at the top without all these crappy styles of spaghetti straps, no sleeves, tank tops, open backs, etc. I was seriously getting upset shopping for the dress I'll admit! Though beautiful it was a little too simple than even I was used to growing up and having my First Communion, so we had a seamstress fix the bottom of the dress to create a more elegant touch.  

To have each separate event be something special for my daughters the twist I did was that they each would create their own veil for the special event. 

They each picked out their own veil material and because it was both a tradition and heirloom in my eyes for them, the dress would be shared with each other however the veil because of their choosing would pertain to them each individually so that if God called them to wed they had the option to already use the veil that they designed. Since they were "marrying" Christ in their hearts to be accepting in the committed of receiving the Holy Eucharist, then if God called them to get married, they had something both old and unique to their faith life journey to use for their ceremony. 

My oldest chose a more poofy design with already the head covering attached. She chose not only the border but also the additional material it was to be sown on; the seamstress did a beautiful job! While my other daughter wanted something detailed but simple. She chose one style material, but the seamstress ensured that it would be on a clip for the hair so it wouldn't move AND she didn't want the bridal cover material on it yet, so for her specifically, should she choose to wear that veil if God calls her to marry than she has to have that additional veil piece sown on. The point is they both have something that they took a part in, and it was be used and remembered until we all die...

Hopefully my post made you think of some of your own traditions, perhaps creating new ones or evolving old ones. Either way there's something heartwarming to share in traditions with your children whether they are both or full grown.

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman 

Dating in High School? - General/Family/Relationships

So, I'm going to give fair warning to all my readers on this one, because it's a topic I feel very strongly about. I'm sure you all have your own opinion and what you feel is logical reasoning behind whether you're a "pro-date in high school" or a "don't date in high school".

As I write and you read I would like to point out that you need to also bear in mind, this strong opinion with conviction and religious belief intertwined is not only how I feel currently (especially as a mother of daughters) but it's actually also how I felt back when I was IN high school, I just have the ability to articulate and provide resources that I wasn't able to back then. 

The society states that dating in high school provides emotional support when they’re away from home, companionship, and improved social skills (and dumb parents eat into this concept-yes you heard me parents who allow their immature adolescent children to date in high school are dumb) it brings more drama, intense emotional stress, and distractions from academics and life/career preparation. For emotional support a high schooler has already their parents (even if again SOCIETY pushes that parents won't understand or be able to align with what a teen is going through), siblings, and whomever they consider to be their best friends. So, is a boyfriend/girlfriend even really necessary? For companionship you have again best friends or fellow fun group/individual classmates, siblings (like how my daughters say they’re each other’s best friends), or shoot even pets! Is a boyfriend/girlfriend again, needed? Now for the societal "improved social skills" I really have to laugh at parents who are stupid enough to believe this because guess what they’re doing practically (or should be unless their schooling is that lazy, they're on electronics only) ALL day for social skills at school? SOCIALIZING! They're amongst the student body, their high school counselors, coaches, trainers, general and all miscellaneous school staff (cafeteria staff or volunteers); but a boyfriend/girlfriend is important for their development in high school...YEA - okay! (insert sarcasm here please) If you're a concerned parent with your teenagers' level of social skills than take them out to public events or better yet, a controlled environment like those of volunteer work where they can be among their own age group as well as with both younger and older individuals. Now THAT'S true development or shoot, make your kids get an actual job. And NO, I'm not talking about some lame in family babysitting where you basically already babysit your younger siblings or cousins at family functions and holidays already. A boyfriend/girlfriend is NOT teaching anything outside of curiosity of things the teenager would probably be too embarrassed about to converse with parents to begin with! Parents should hopefully be competent or at least knowledgeable observant enough to know when their child is mature enough for certain conversations, so instead of leaving it for the school systems to explain to your kids about their bodies, do the explaining and reinforce that certain things are severely not okay and neither is the attempts to fulfill curiosity because the effects or repercussions are non-reversible. If you're a parent with morals and that has taught as well as practiced a faith life home, then it's actually easier to be able to do this and to have the teenagers explore what they can't understand yet. Now this next part might sound bad, but the statistics and data are intriguingly alarming...for homes with no morals or faith life balance having the kids already thinking of sex and masturbation and physical exploration with the opposite sex is far higher than those who have a moral understanding to not offend/anger God. Don't start harping on the "anger God" if you're a Bible only reading, honk if you love Jesus' individual because there's another post I'm dedicating to that alone so keep let's just put a pin there for another day ;)   

Now don’t get me wrong, do I believe in couples being high school sweethearts and then lasting into old age-heck yes! Both as a romantic at heart and knowing that there are exceptions to even my convictions with the will of God - BUT what everyone fails to realize is that THOSE couples who are high school sweethearts (which is a less than a 2% ratio) have what key ingredients in their personality/character for their high school relationship to be successful and then flourish?...they both individually have stern boundaries and personal convictions that are then shared because they both realized they have the same view on it (family life and social circles), deep shared history of faith, sharing and being both emotional mature, MATURITY altogether, AND their individually discovered but jointly shared views on working hard with a future together NO MATTER WHAT. Is it wrong to date in high school, no but there is only so much caution you can do before you're sucked into the idea because you could find yourself relating your worth to whether or not someone wants to date you or worse that your happiness

during high school hinders on whether or not you even have a boyfriend/girlfriend...So here are now my five reasons I believe it IS NOT a good idea.

1.)      If you’re too busy dating than you aren’t taking the time to even figure yourself out! Your personal goals for your academic life and/or your future career, the familial relationships you currently have that you’re wanting to nurture and grow or have more profound bonds in, spiritual goals if you have any, relational relationships like the new friends you’ve made or are making or the ones now growing more - so you get to do more in having fun and being with the group/s whether big or very small. My group was always a group of four and that included me, because I felt that each of us would always be paired up with another. I had (1) solid best friend that was a female and (1) solid best friend who was a male and that I had no interest in dating. Meaning I never thought he was attractive or "cute". The reason behind this for me personally was because the male friend was someone who understood me and my convictions and could measure up to be a solid boyfriend if WE ever felt like we wanted more, but because our friendship began solidly without dating in mind HE became the eyes to helping me gage or compare to in likings in case I was ever interested in someone. If my best friend wouldn’t treat me a certain way and I wouldn’t tolerate things from my best guy friend, then there was no way in hell I would want to tolerate it from a guy I was going to be interested in dating; SO if I was ever interested and blinded my best guy friend I knew would step up to the plate and call me out on it and let me know that it wouldn’t be a good fit...Figuring yourself out also means taking the time to look at all the marriages and romantic relationships in your family-what do you like and don’t. Is there something you notice that you don’t like in one of those romantic relationships that you would never want to happen to you - you now begin to structure your own dos and don’ts and convictions for relationships (especially if you never had them before).

2.)       Unnecessary stress and drama for sure! Sweet lord I remembered my freshman year and how quickly news got around about someone's break up if it was over the weekend, come Monday morning and then if the couple broke up at school in the morning, then by lunch the entire school knew! I was relived and it affirmed for me that while they were too busy working about stupid crap like that I got the option of choosing my favorite pair of shoes to buy, or new outfit, or getting my nails done, or sometimes my dad would let one of us choose the weekend splurge restaurant whether fancy or not so I had the whole week to decide and I was always excited for soccer weekends! I was focused more on the aspect of what I heard at freshman orientation - fix your schedules right and your programs then junior and senior year you could technically only be at school for half the day - DONE! That was the only incentive I needed and shoot I loved school (still do! Love to learn.) Then I remember sometimes seeing these group of girls helping whoever got dumped or did the dumping being a little emotional and they would block her to cover up her tears - great female support group BUT the heartache and emotional battle could've been avoided altogether! By something as easy as not dating...how embarrassing too that whoever you dated was news to everyone and then would circulate to the next "catch of the week" or month I suppose. 

3.)        Relationship and Personal Standards - No self-reflection on romantic relationship expectations and conversations. I knew I was mature for my age even when I was 8 but I wasn’t going to go pretending that I was emotionally mature for dating in high school! Dating involves emotions and I already knew emotions took a toll on a person and the body. If my own parents didn’t meet and date and get married until their early 20’s what made me realistically think that I would find my high school sweetheart and be done. Besides how could I know what I wanted in a boyfriend if I didn’t even know what my likes and dislikes were or how I felt regarding certain pressure points of having a relationship (family, sex, faith, academics, and future life). I could safely and securely observe both the relationships of the family, those of the teachers I respected, and especially of all the classmates who I thought were idiots in dating so soon and changing boyfriends/girlfriends out like if it was candy sale at the grocery/department store! As open as my parents were about relationships to their extent and upbringing, they knew that I would ask specifically people outside of them (2 specific adults at school who they knew, my uncles, and also my sister). I knew I needed to take the time to focus on what my non-negotiables were and what I would never allow from a boy...

4.)        Emotional Maturity is not even fully developed. Like I mentioned above I knew that though I was always mature for my age that I would or could risk having my emotional bank used up and/or dried up. I mean the ties to what I was witnessing was girls willing to change their wardrobes and hair color and piercings (or attempt to) and likes/dislikes, friends, etc. I knew it was wrong back then but not until NOW did I realize how wrong. Then their eating habits which turned into eating disorders and then drama and stress turning into mood swings and medications and depression...lordy that was all too much and all because they could’ve been happy campers by themselves like I was. As is in freshman year I was blessed to learn about the stages of life and characteristics because it only reinforced how my
parents were raising me and what my belief was; adolescence is from 10 years old to literally 24! So, I figured I wouldn’t attempt to date until I matured more emotionally (coping mechanisms and emotional regulations) and probably look at senior year or preferably until I was actually in college to actually spend thoughts or time on dating. I mean come on, boys already are slow at maturity, but parents are willing to bank the kids' futures on NO emotional maturity too! Like I mentioned already once before, are there exceptions to this thought process, hell yes there is BUT I'm almost positive that ended before this year's senior class is graduating! (Should this be read months or years later, this post is on May of 2026.)

5.)        Physical pressures of relationships even in high school. I knew that if I wanted what my parents had and actually the couple I romanticized more about was that of my mom's parents' marriage, then I was aware of something special and I had to understand what that meant. I didn’t want to risk trying things even just kissing with some idiot boy who didn’t know the difference between planning an actual date and not just “hanging out”. I already hated men doing this in my adulthood but yes, I had already disliked it back witnessing and hearing the "dates" back in high school too. If you want to hang out with someone you don't need a boyfriend/girlfriend for that, why the hell do you have friends then! Whether they're of the same sex or not! I didn’t want to risk my kisses or body (any of it) on some boy who couldn’t even keep up with his own hygiene and acne or a boy who wouldn’t even try to stand out from the high school typical mold. If I knew I wanted to be a different niche from the high school norm than my boyfriend had to be too. What that means is that I already knew I wanted to and was set on my experiences either being with my boyfriend who was or would also be my best friend, that would move into being my fiancé, to then be my husband. The timeline didn’t matter as long as we were sure and committed to it! (Too bad I thought to compromise later in college...but that's neither here nor there and definitely different post topic altogether.)
 
Perhaps the real question for you should be do YOU know the difference between dating someone you like and actually dating your best friend. The intent/meaning behind dating is to one day marry so one would want to and strive to date and marry their best friend. Or better yet do YOU really even know what your non-negotiables are and what the actual expectations of a relationships are?...if you're a parent reading this and you don't know where your kids stand-hell that says something about your parenting and NOT in a good way. If your teens reading this post because you like to pretend you're an adult and bypassed the 18+ years entry to my blog I have, and you don't know how to answer these questions, then my dear adolescent child-YOU should NOT be dating or thinking of dating...
 
Here below are a few resources I thought would be good reads, so enjoy!

"The teens who don’t date in high school have proven to have an overall better life as well as a more successful future outcome."
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/201910/teens-who-don-t-date-socially-behind-or-socially-skilled
 
The pros and cons of dating while in high school.
https://lionstale.org/11800/opinion/pro-con-high-school-relationships/
 
Sincerely,
A Distinct Woman

St. Bernard of Clairvaux Dallas (Reminiscing) - General

If you live in Dallas, TX or even in any of the surrounding rural or suburbs, St. Bernard of Clairvaux is a place to send your children! If you're a practicing Catholic and a family of faith in the Catholic Church, even better because this is the school for you!

So, to the class of 2004, this is for you and though we don't have our wall anymore our school is still doing so well and doing so much more for its students and Parish community! They have invested improvements that make it feel so different but the core and shell of the school as well as the church is still the same. I will admit it was sad to see that it was gone especially since I was the person from my 8th grade class who put the design together and had it approved. I also coordinated how everyone would accomplish/finish out their square in the puzzle piece masterpiece.

The school has more nun presence not only for religious aspects but as teachers so it's nice to see. The faith base is more boldly integrated instead of having staff that are respectful educators who are Christian but don't believe in the Catholic teachings and practices. Though the teacher's prior were really great and I loved my years in the school, seeing the changes makes you want to sign up and be a student again!

The Catholic Church is still connected and a quaint worship space, but the renovations that they've done to the surrounding areas and parking is really nice to see as well. My 8th grade class prayer garden is still beautifully kept and well taken care of as well. The clergy for the Parish is a very solid group of men with energy, boldness, joy, and passion for the faith and in teaching the congregation!

If you haven't been to a Mass here or visited, you should! 

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman