Volkswagon Frisco - General

I may have bought my Atlas at another location but the Hendrick Volkswagon Frisco off of 121 in Frisco is one I would recommend for anyone! Whether you’re window shopping, decisive in your decision to purchase or lease, and on their service center as well as personnel throughout their facility.

Correction I was leasing my vehicle and than decided to turnover into a purchase note and they were awesome. They made a wish and need a reality especially as a single mother needing her one and only transportation. 

It’s been a few years now in servicing my vehicle at their location and I wouldn’t think of servicing anywhere else. I’ve already recommended their location various times as well as some of theiiir personnel to work with. This is a location that you won’t regret. 

Their facility is clean and welcoming and where other dealers have voltures that circle around you or tend to be like butter on bread (for lack of a better term) just to make a sale, I personally never got that feeling and that for me is another great recommendation for anyone I know.

So whether you’re just looking at the market for a new vehicle or even some of their pre-certified ones, theirs is a location you won’t regret making the move to or stopping at for any of your vehicle needs. 

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman

Family Boundaries/Rules/Respect & Motherhood (October in 2017) Finale - General/Family Life/Relationships

When I had originally created this post, my goal was to share a testimony to other ladies of how your spouse/partner shouldn’t handle things in addition to providing enlightenment of what should NOT be tolerated. I was reflective and striving to write something void of emotion and just telling a story AND describing/conveying emotion. So, trying to keep the original content in place the text that’s bolded are what I’ve now added or created.

 Family Boundaries/Rules/Respect & Motherhood (October in 2017)…CONT.

Unfortunately, my bladder didn't think it necessary to let me sleep more than after 7:30am; so there I went to use the bathroom with my daughter and husband deep asleep in their beds...I heard my husband's phone go off once while I was still in the bathroom-it had sounded like a text message. I managed to tuck myself back in bed beside my daughter and figured I would have more time to sleep. A good amount of time later my husband's phone goes off again with another text message or text messages received reminder. My husband gets up from the bed, taking his phone with him into the bathroom. The only thing I could fathom at that time was that maybe it was about work or that his family wanted to see us before everyone headed back to their regularly scheduled lives. NOPE I was being hopeful because that wasn't the case at all. It was closing in on 9am already and my husband said he was going to go meet his grandparents out in the lobby area, still thinking nothing of it I told him to tell them good morning and that if our daughter woke up, I would take her down there. In the meantime, though I was hungry I still hadn't had anything to eat or drink. Again, only the cup of coffee in the hotel room and my husband made no offer to bring me or my daughter anything as he was stepping out of the hotel room.

My husband returns to our hotel room while I'm already dressed but starting to get things picked up (as much as I possibly could without creating additional noise from the tasks). Double checking here and there so that we don't leave anything behind and I start to pack up our daughter's things after taking out her wardrobe and items to refill her baby bag and get her dressed (basically get her stuff ready for the traveling day ahead). So, he's in the room and doesn't ask just informs me that he's arranged and already asked his grandparents if he can ride with them to the service that was going to be at 10:30am, since his mother was requesting everyone this morning. I don't know if I had mentioned it before but just a minor recap - according to my husband's mother, her only request instead of receiving gifts was having her family attend service at their church the day after their wedding (Sunday). Something she's never bothered to ask of anyone before or even made a big deal about in her Sunday agenda whether she's visiting, traveling, or in her own town where she lives...that's great for her if this is a new turn around and something she wants to be doing but considering that the time for service wasn't coordinated or even mentioned prior to our departure from their home last night I was getting a little unsettled at the news. But what was worse for me, was that when this request was mentioned before I had already told my husband that it was fine for us all to attend but that our daughter and I needed to attend Mass first (as we're the ones who are practicing Catholics and active practicing religious individuals) before we were to go to the service his mother was requesting; I had even gone to the extent of finding early Masses for the convenience of HIS family. SO, now back to the hotel room...

My husband says that he can just ride to with his grandparents to the service because they said they were happy to take him since he had already asked them; as our daughter was still at that time sleeping and he wasn't going to wake her up. Mighty nice of him some would say BUT he's forgetting that our checkout is at 11am, his wife is still sick and sounds like she's getting worse, and on top of all that packing up our stuff and having to load the vehicle is also a priority before checkout. His response when I said all this was simply, "I'm finishing packing up my things right now and almost done. I can already put my stuff in the truck already and since our daughter is asleep when she wakes up you and her can just meet up with us after, my grandparents will probably be driving home after service and saying their good-bye's." I retorted sarcastically about how yes; I could do it all since I wasn't sick or felt sick and that he could go with his family because I wasn't going to be "the bad person" who didn't allow you to go to church with your family. He packed his stuff in his truck, came back to the room to leave me the truck keys, and walked out of the hotel room, not even kissing or saying bye to our daughter.

If you as the reader still don't see a problem with all of this and what's to follow, then you need a new set of life glasses and priority/moral compass. My daughter groggily awakes a little bit after my husband leaves the room but she's very lethargic and doesn't even want to move from the pillow, she's beckoning me to the bed to snuggle up with her and lay beside her not giving a care to the cartoon on the TV or the fact that her father isn't in the room with us. After about ten minutes or so, I get up from the bed and bring her things to her; give her some water, some of her fruit snacks (because I don't like administering medicine even over the counter medicine to an empty stomach), edible items she didn't really even want to eat and pushed away after eating a handful, then began changing her clothes. Once she was clothed in her outfit, she tucked herself back into the blankets and leaned against the pillow and started to close her eyes again. I felt awful because I knew we would soon have to move and walk towards the truck. I carried my luggage suitcase, my daughters luggage bag (placed on top of my luggage case), the baby backpack (loaded for the trip and day), and my photography backpack with my equipment and laptop, then my purse; of course all this in my right hand while my daughter is in my arms on my left side (mind you she was still not walking at this time). We exited the hotel towards the back exit, as we had a handicap room immediately next to the exit door and back parking. 

The back parking and exit of the hotel backed up into a semi rest stop, where the semis and their trailers parked. We walked to the truck, and it was already very hot and humid; my daughter was curled up into my arm and neck just fighting going back to sleep while I was already sweating from carting all of the stuff and making sure nothing dropped. Opened the truck and turned it on so it would start to cool off; placed my daughter into her car seat and then loaded the truck. Once I got inside the truck, I immediately locked the doors and got my seat situated for the drive. It was now 11:08am and I was searching for the nearest Catholic Mass on my iPhone through a Catholic Mass app; which at this point my husband had already texted me saying he was with his whole family and in service-with my simple response of "k". I didn't know the area we were in, nor had I ever traveled enough or to (by choice) into Louisiana period. So, the GPS was our guide, and we would be able to catch an 11:30am mass based off of the app and GPS. I looked through the rearview mirror to make sure my little one was ready to go and the look she gave me about broke my heart; I smiled and put on her classical music through the Bluetooth capability of the truck, and I could feel quiet tears roll down my cheek.

I like to think that my daughter and I had our guardian angels with us that day because of what happened from the moment we arrived at the Catholic Church's address. It was already in the mid 80s temperature wise, and my fear was that I would have to walk far with my daughter in my arms, but we managed to park ourselves in a parallel parking spot literally in front of the main entrance doors to the church. I smiled in relief and started to unbuckle my daughter. I noticed that outside the main entrance were volunteer ushers greeting those entering the church and one of them I guessed noticed me (as I was on the sidewalk and now within their view) as I climbed into the truck and climbed back down with my daughter in my arms, asking if I needed help with anything. I kindly declined, appreciating their offer but also unsure considering that I was by myself in an unknown neighborhood and location. We walked into the church, and I took notice of the layout, exits, and where the restrooms were. I needed to make sure I knew where the restroom was because I was already having a lot of congestion and problems breathing correcting through my nose that I knew I would at some point have to make a run for the restroom or especially to change the baby's diaper. That's when I noticed that the chapel was connected to the church and was used for Sunday masses as the "crying room" (basically where parents take their kids to supposedly control them or have them unwind so that the children aren't a disturbance or distraction to the rest of the congregation). We were the only ones there and I sighed once we sat down in the pew. I knew my daughter still felt sick as she didn't make a fuss about sitting against the church pew and next to me, instead of actually being in my arms like usual during Mass.

Three minutes before mass was about to begin and the chapel started to have other attendees-mostly older/elderly individuals-taking their pick of seating. My daughter took notice of three specific older people; you have to understand that my daughter is very particular and specific to who she allows touch her, into her personal space, and more importantly who she graces with her attention (whether a family member/relative). As you can imagine I was intrigued when she tried to get the attention of these three random strangers. The black man who sat behind us was alone and had a wedding band on his hand (something I took note of when he was holding onto his cane) and a veteran cap he removed upon entering the chapel. The older lady with black and white/silver highlighted hair sat diagonally behind us on our left side, she also sat by herself and did not appear to have a wedding band on. Then there was a very elderly woman who sat directly in front of us, two pews ahead of us who had silver hair in an almost beehive fashion; she too sat by herself yet had on a wedding band. Out of about the fifteen people that were in this room these were the only three people who seemed to have caught my daughter's attention. My baby kept trying to play/feed the black veteran behind us and wave at the lady in front of us, while trying to play some kind or form of peek-a-boo with the lady diagonally behind us. There was a moment during the mass that the black man tried to entertain my daughter when she was wanting to cry from having some mucus build up in her throat and nostrils; then another incident right before the transubstantiation portion of the Liturgy of the Eucharist, that had the old black man caressing her little hand that lay on my shoulder while I was kneeling. During the homily of the priest, the lady diagonally behind us was her form of entertainment to make sure she would start doing baby gibberish. The lady in front offered me tissues when I guess my sniffling became a nuisance for the majority of the beginning of the mass but then soon ran out. I remember I was at the point that I was so congested and had so much built up of mucus that I started to choke and had to stand up-not knowing what to do because no one was with me to help me with my daughter in order for me to take care of myself. 

I stood at the end of our pew towards the side exit, where I could visibly see my daughter and be within at least three giant steps of reaching her should something happen while I trying to compose myself. The black man touched my shoulder when I sat back down and whispered that he would make sure that my daughter wouldn't move so I could go get some tissues from the restroom, exactly twenty three steps away from the pew we sat in (something I counted and took note of for myself-thinking that I would be alone in the chapel). It's hard to say why but I took him up on his offer and quickly made a dash for the restroom. Grabbed the paper towels they had (not tissue) as I knew that it would be quicker for me to grab and go back to my daughter and was able to make it back through the same doors before they had even closed when I entered into the restroom. My daughter was calm and content chewing on her little Gerber puffs and trying to still handsome to the black old man behind us. I smiled in relief and as I prayed quiet tears of relief and peace came rolling down my cheeks. The older ladies both said my daughter was a special treat for them in the Mass before they departed and the older man behind us spoke to us for a few minutes before his departure. He mentioned that he was overjoyed with watching my daughter during the Mass and that since he had yet to see his newborn granddaughter (his fifth one to be exact) it only gave him more joy to be sitting behind us; that his reason for sitting by himself in Mass was because his wife was with their daughter helping with the newborn. My little one waved goodbye at all three of these random strangers and curled into the security of my arms once more while I finished my prayers and had tears running down my face.

A different usher offered to help me carry the baby bag to the vehicle as I was holding on to my daughter, but I kindly declined while smiling. Here I was by myself and all of these people out of nowhere were very easily offering to assist me and even more surprisingly, with how my daughter felt and is I was still baffled at her reaction during Mass with the strangers. I could only associate it with our guardian angels watching over us and making sure we were taken care of. Once back at the truck, I placed my daughter back into the car seat and quickly climbed into the driver seat, locking the doors and getting situated. By this time, I had two missed calls from my husband and three texts waiting to be opened on my cell phone. Apparently, all of his family had departed their separate ways post their religious service, and he was with his middle brother at a Cracker Barrel. I called my husband to let him know that I was out of Mass and about to drive but needed the address in order for me to even know where I was going. The moment I left the church parking lot my baby fell fast asleep, and I was starving like crazy-it was 12:50pm...

The part that gets to me the most is that through this entire day my husband doesn't react in the manner in which I assumed he was going to or in the way my expectation of a HUSBAND should. He's married now and his first and only priority (as he made the promise and vow at our wedding) was that he was to always take care and cherish us-WE, my daughter and I are to take precedence over his extended family members and yes even his mother. They like referring to scripture so much, well the same scripture we chose at our wedding was re-read at his mother's wedding; stating how the woman and man leave their homes and make a new home, leaving behind that which they knew. So a good mother would have reminded his son, "it's ok I know your wife and baby girl are sick let's do church together another time," or "if baby girl isn't awake then don't worry, you shouldn't leave them by themselves since baby girl is still sick," or something along the lines of "you're married now son, thank you for trying to come with us to church service but I know that my grandbaby isn't awake and your wife will be needing the help." Whether it was in consideration of me or not, take the mother or mother-in-law portion out of it, a good grandmother who sincerely cared for their grandchild would have the GRAND DAUGHTERS' NEEDS before her own. From this day forward is why I only call that woman "grandma" in front of my daughter for my daughter's sake and use words like my "husband's mother" or when I talk to my husband directly "your mother."

Oh, but don't worry my husband wasn't off the hook by any means because almost the entire drive home that day we were at odds and there's no one to blame except himself. I had warned and stated concerns prior to our departure to this wedding. We had one of our biggest arguments, yet where yelling was involved and even, I suspect, if he was given the opportunity might've hit me in frustration since he hit his vehicle's middle console pretty damn hard. Amazingly and thankfully enough, our daughter was so exhausted and sick that she was asleep for almost all of it, except when she woke up at our pit stop and saw/felt her mommy crying (again)...

Also, for the record, my husband finally took us to CareNow the following morning (the Monday after our trip to his mother's wedding) and our daughter was on the verge of bronchitis where I already had it, the main reason why I couldn't shake my symptoms...so let me tell you never again and I know now what I have to do for the betterment of my family.

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman

Family Boundaries/Rules/Respect & Motherhood (October in 2017) Pt 2 - General/Family Life/Relationships

When I had originally created this post, my goal was to share a testimony to other ladies of how your spouse/partner shouldn’t handle things in addition to providing enlightenment of what should NOT be tolerated. I was reflective and striving to write something void of emotion and just telling a story AND describing/conveying emotion. So, trying to keep the original content in place the text that’s bolded are what I’ve now added or created.

 Family Boundaries/Rules/Respect & Motherhood (October in 2017)…CONT.

Friday before the wedding and our daughter didn't wake up until about close to lunch time (another big sign that she wasn't feeling well or herself because that little one was always an early riser) in a very snuggly and passive mood. My husband loaded up his truck, and we started our drive-thankfully he was nice enough not to push our drive or rush us into getting there. My daughter and I immediately fell asleep before we even got out of the north DFW area. When we woke up, it was to make a brief stop to stretch, I was able to change our daughter’s diaper and have some Starbucks. After the pit stop our daughter settled back into her car seat and a little bit into the drive, she fell back asleep, but I was worried with her harsh breathing...I stayed awake this time until we got to the hotel. Late afternoon and we checked into the hotel so we could get settled and my little one could be comfortable. My husband took us to a seafood restaurant for dinner and we took our time. I continued to feel miserable and even when we were eating, I spent more time blowing my nose and dealing with a heated congestion that I wasn't completely able to appreciate the seafood plate I had ordered. Early evening is when we finally arrived at my husband's mother’s house (where his mother moved into her boyfriend’s place and where the wedding was also to take place). My husband's grandparents weren't there as they had spent most of the day helping to set up and decorate so they had already retired to their hotel room. With the night lights out and on, I must provide credit where it was due and they made it a very nice area for the wedding. The interesting part was that it was almost the same theme as my husband and our wedding, the theme and coloring style – fruit for thoughts.

Where our wedding was a classy country rustic theirs was plain outdoor country rustic period, but the burlap and its uses were the same, they had lanterns like my sister used at our reception, and the signs used another similar if not same idea - especially a "LOVE" sign. Regardless though, come Saturday it would be nice wedding from the looks of it. We met blood relatives from my husband's mother's finance's side of the family - as if they were staying as guests in the house. My husband's mother was amiable and nice, but it only left me more on edge as the little drama from earlier in the week hadn't been resolved or clarified (I wasn't going to have this crap appear up again later in our lives if it wasn't addressed now). There were minor conversations about what was to occur tomorrow (the day of the wedding) and a quickly suggested timeline of events for the wedding. I was then asked especially before we left to our hotel room for the night, to assist in creating the bridal bouquet. So, the clock started rolling to about 10pm and it was time to go to bed, especially for my baby. Tomorrow would be another day, and we would see how it went...

Saturday morning arrived and the weather was ridiculously hot already with a good amount of humidity. The highs in temperature didn't look pretty for the day nor during the actual ceremony time...I got up to use the restroom and recalled how peaceful my daughter had slept. I had another night of little sleep as I was vigilant for her breathing. My husband and daughter remained in bed sleeping, until a phone call woke him up. I figured it was either his grandmother or mother, as his response prompted me to assume that as he stated, "we're not going to rush or wake her up right now, but once she wakes up and we finish getting her ready then we will head over there." I was pleased with his response, but I would soon realize that being pleased would be short lived. I was already getting the ironing board out and getting my outfit as well as my daughter's outfit ready for the wedding. I wasn't going to worry about his outfit as he said he had it covered. It must have been his mom because he provided information as to what we were doing and about what time our daughter may wake up. I applied my makeup (literally only mascara and lip), then got the baby bag ready, and organized my photography bag as well. As we were not planning on spending more than necessary funds on this trip, we did not attend or go for the breakfast that the hotel offered as it would be an additional charge. I had expected for my husband to be in the thinking process of "Oh gee, I know my daughter might be a little hungry when she wakes up and my wife is already awake so I know she's hungry if not starving-I'm going to go out for a little mini food errand and bring them back something." NOPE! That would require too much thought and courtesy and apparently that's not where my husbands mind was. I wasn't rude or unpleasant but I was visibly not happy. The only thing the hotel room had to offer me was coffee or tea and the last fruit juice from our driving pit stop but I was saving that for our daughter when she woke up-as she always wakes up thirsty.

We arrived at around the timeframe that my husband's mother had mentioned to us to be at their house. The only pit stop we made was to the nearest Starbucks that was in route from the hotel to my husband's mother's finance's house. Got a breakfast sandwich and a venti coffee to satisfy my stomach for a little bit. Close to noon and the only individuals at the house were my husband's mother and her girlfriend who was prepping her to get ready for the ceremony (doing her hair and makeup), my husband's middle brother's girlfriend who was finishing some minor last touches while her boyfriend went out to get them lunch. So, my "brother-in-law" had the mindset to go get him and the woman he was with something...moving on! My husband's grandparents were still resting at the hotel and getting ready (which was definitely understandable considering that they were the bride's parents AND elderly (a courtesy mind you that was not offered to my parents-not because of the elderly situation but because of the fact that they were the bride's parents).

No one else was there...the family members that were staying at the house on the groom's side had all ventured to the football game that one of the groomsmen boys was playing in, in addition, my husband's youngest brother was also in attendance, along WITH the groom. Now see this was something I just couldn't understand...First of all, these boys are not in the years of "commitment to the sport" - meaning they weren't juniors or seniors that depended on these games for the future careers or even venturing to please scouts of some kind in attendance for the start of their careers in sports or even a freakin scholarship. Considering that it was a wedding and not just some event or special occasion I couldn't fathom or comprehend how this was ok-especially considering that they would be arriving from the game close to the ceremony timeframe-granted that men don't take long to get ready; it's the principal and etiquette altogether. I remember feeling sorry for my husband's mother regardless of everything. She was still a Bride to be, and it was her wedding-how this was acceptable to me was not clear. That wasn't all though-the groom's family wasn't even adequately dressed for a wedding. Wedding guests dressed better and had more respect for the wedding event than the groom's family members. I understand that it was his second marriage and her third/fourth marriage but still-respect and courtesy for the day of the wedding! What I thought was the worst part of all was after everyone got ready from coming back from the football game, the damn television was turned on to the stupid college football-which delayed people going outside for the ceremony to even begin; the television was turned back on immediately after the ceremony as if the day was just a fourth of July picnic or family reunion, instead of what it was-a WEDDING!

I made sure to take the "before pictures" of everything that was laid out and done, prior to the commencement of the ceremony and wedding altogether. Everything just seemed to be very unorganized, even on this day. I helped to layout the aisle runner (for the ground) with my husband's grandmother's husband as the final touch before the ceremony was about to begin. Before the ceremony was about to begin (delaying it only briefly) my husband's mother requested for all her family to be together in the master bedroom for a "pray over" of the bride led by the bride's best friend's mother, right before the start of the wedding ceremony. Also, something that was not provided for my wedding-that I had deeply wanted. The procession line was being created in the moment and that's how people moved forward. My husband's mother was saying for her second's son girlfriend to join her son in the wedding line (but she was smart enough or at least knew etiquette) that unless she's married to him or a part of the groomsmen or bridesmaids (which neither were presented or selected); she declined and joined the rest of the guests that were already seated. This is where I found it confusing and upsetting for me. All of a sudden my husband's mother wanted our daughter to be held in the youngest son's arms as part of the procession line; I was expecting my husband to decline as we had originally agreed that she would be nicely seated in his grandparents arms on the bench-this way she didn't get over heated to provoke more or another high fever and have her nicely and quietly settled. Instead, my husband handed our daughter over to his brother since my hands were full of the camera equipment.

Fine ok, I let it slide and move on...either she's obtuse enough in the moment because it's her wedding day or dumb enough to ask if I'll be walking down the aisle in the procession line with my husband. I kindly reminded her that I was going to be taking pictures of the wedding. Then she decided to walk down the aisle on my husband's arm...supposedly just a few weeks even days before this same woman had vocalized to her eldest son (my husband) that she was thinking of walking down the aisle by herself since she didn't want to have to choose between her biological father giving her away or her current stepfather (married to her biological mother), that it wouldn't be fair to either of them if she just chose one. My thought process and what I even told my husband at that time was, "why doesn't she just walk down with both." It's not a formal wedding as it's being done in their back yard so why not have both her "fathers" walk her down the aisle. Then about two weeks before the wedding she calls my husband yet again still talking about who to walk her down the aisle...that she didn't want to choose between one of her boys to walk her down the aisle because she couldn't just pick one of the three...so of course it's baffling to me that she decides to walk down the aisle with my husband (her oldest).

This sudden decision from the woman who hasn't once publicly posted on her social media how proud and happy she is of her eldest son (as she has done countless times with her other two boys), doesn't post pictures of her and my husband (even in past photos they've taken together) as she's done her other two sons - again COUNTLESS times; worse still, since the first time I entered her home and now her new permanent home, has she made visible or even printed herself pictures of my husband, our daughter, or the three of us as she has plastered everywhere the pictures of her soon to be husband's boys/her and her second and youngest son, of herself and her fiancé, or just the four boys in general (soon to be husband's boys and her second and youngest son.)

I recall so vividly, even now as I'm writing this entry post, how her little face kept looking for mine everywhere I was walking throughout the property and during the entire ceremony. I remember her eyes finding mine and giving me her pleading look, knowing that the same look in the picture I took of her, is the look she provides me when the trusting me to secure her/help her in whatever she was needing; although, because of her involvement and my photo taking I didn't just swoop in and grab her. No like an idiot I kept doing what I was doing so that my word could be honored for what I said I was going to commit to. Even if almost his whole family was making fun at my newfound passion for photography and to make a go of it...but that's irrelevant and perhaps another post story. Although they all liked my photos enough to ensure print outs and canvas enlargements! Anyway, moving along...

Long story short about the ceremony portion; I took pictures throughout and kept an eye on my daughter while doing it, because my husband sure wasn't. His grandmother was the one who caught a glimpse of my hand signals to double check on our daughter as I noticed that her cheeks were getting super red - something I was trying my damnedest to avoid. A little warm was fine but it was damn hot outside that day! On top of everything else she hadn't really had anything solid to eat and the time was closing on her medication time...

 

My husband was finally smart enough to decipher my facial expression when the ceremony ended, and I started packing all of the camera material as well as the few baby items I had out, so that we could leave. I made sure that no one could decipher or indicate how upset I really was. With the reception starting my husband's mother was more concerned with getting a picture with our daughter along with one of her old friends instead of paying attention to the fact that I said we were going to see if she would eat before we headed to the hotel. When I'm ignored twice I take action, especially with my daughter, so I basically had to snatch my daughter out of her arms because the woman was trying to coax a smile out of her for the picture (along with my husband beside here seeing it all). I pulled her out of her arms without explanation and when I was asked I literally answered, "with how she's feeling I'm not going to have her taking stupid pictures instead of feeding her and taking care of her, it's too hot out here." 

I made my way back into the awfully dirty home with all the guests and made a quick plate for my little one, finding a semi quiet and cool spot in the house; everywhere was crowded and hot. I still felt a little sorry for my husband's mother, as a good portion of guests had the television back on with the stupid college football game again...short lived I assure you. One of the dumbest and rudest things I ever did see-even rich people have more education as to use their own electronics without a display of informality towards an event such as this!

Our daughter managed a few bites but was super tired and thirsty; we (my daughter and I) said our goodbye's and my husband decides to join in and takes it upon himself to comment that after our daughter is rested, we would return to spend time with the newly married couple. The silence between my husband and I as we drove to the hotel was deafening and he made no stop to get her or any food or perhaps something better for how we were feeling...we arrived at the hotel room, I proceeded to get our daughter situated and when I began preparing her for her nap after her meds, my husband had the good sense to go and get us some food. I was surprised and relieved...we ate in silence while the hotel room television was on and our daughter slept. It was like that for a while...until our daughter woke up. It was late by the time she woke up and close to 8pm-the irony was that my husband's grandparents were arriving from the reception to their hotel room and were able to pass by our room and see our daughter freshly awake and rejuvenated from her nap. Our daughter was in a much happier mood, and it was very noticeable! Once they left our hotel room we got ready to go back to the newly married couple.

When we arrived at the couples house there was only a handful of people left over from the reception and I made a decision then that depending on our daughter I wouldn't rush to leave back to our hotel regardless of the time as she had a good long nap and I knew that my husband would want to spend some time with his family. At least that was my assumption but in reality, he spent more time with his youngest brother playing basketball while our daughter and I were with the handful of individuals relaxing in seats out on the couple's patio. We ended up leaving at a reasonably late hour, allowing me enough time to shower and do the nightly routine of getting the little one ready for bed. I had her situated and asleep in bed by around midnight and I was snuggled up next to her and relaxing a little after 1am. It wasn't a restful night as I stayed vigilant with our daughter in case, she had mucus and boogie problems, thankfully we had removed as much of the mucus with the nose suction prior to her falling asleep, so she fell into a deep sleep. I closed my eyes with the relief that the worst emotions of emotions were over and subsided because the day ended along with them! That was the hopeful thought process anyway, until Sunday that is... 

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman

Family Boundaries/Rules/Respect & Motherhood (October in 2017) Pt 1 - General/Family Life/Relationships

When I had originally created this post, my goal was to share a testimony to other ladies of how your spouse/partner shouldn’t handle things in addition to providing enlightenment of what should NOT be tolerated. I was reflective and striving to write something void of emotion and just telling a story AND describing/conveying emotion. So, trying to keep the original content in place the text that’s bolded are what I’ve now added or created.

Family Boundaries/Rules/Respect & Motherhood (October in 2017)

This month was a mixture of emotions, as it was not only my daughter’s birthday month but evidently also my husband's mother's wedding. You might very well be assuming that the mixture of emotions is all more in the context of joy, tears of joy, and good memories - but sadly its WAY worse and nothing close to joy. Allow me to start…

My oldest will be turning one and I had thought about throwing a birthday party but then, realistically she won't care nor will she remember the event due to the age in which she would be turning. Some people might enjoy planning out and spending money or a good amount of money on their child's first birthday, however I think it's a little pointless. As I have previously stated in another post, the one year old won't be remembering their birthday and will only be able to rely on pictures (if even developed or placed into an album for them to view); so why would you go through the elaborate birthday cake and planning of specifics when the event/party is more for the adults than the child, let’s be honest. Whether society realizes this fact or not, to each their own, but your child won't think or feel any better or worse towards you regardless of what they do for their first birthday. So, in my mind I felt that something more heartfelt and meaningful for a little girl and her birthday, would be to receive also something heartfelt and meaningful. I had already created for my daughter a little keepsake box for her special things, firsts, and cards-this would be something she can look through for herself when she's of an adequate age. This keepsake box would play a role in what she would be getting for her first birthday from the entire family. I took the time, over a course of two months, to create and make an hour’s video of my daughter's first year of life, which would in turn be a gift to everyone in the family along with a letter. The letter with this DVD of her first year of life had instructions on what they should give my daughter for her first birthday. Obviously, anyone could give her more or in addition to something else (meaning something tangible such as toys, clothes, etc.) but the purpose was for everyone to write her a letter that she would open when she's twelve; a sort of written now for her future self from her family members. Considering that I'm playing catch up on posts, let's just say that to this day I've not received a single letter from anyone (not even from my side of the family) ...still disappointed every time I think about it but anyway!

To make matters worse my daughter was still ill (so was I) from having been sick for almost two weeks prior; so even if I had wanted to just do something small I couldn’t. In addition, my husband (at the time) and my traveling plans were put on hold for October because of how sick we got and what it entailed but more importantly what transpired from it (hence the plentiful array of bad emotions).

A little detour and backstory: When I had met my husband and we started dating, we had at least a good two full days of conversation about family ideologies and what we envisioned a family should be as well as looking/conversing about our own families (I made note of things like a hawk). I remember writing my notes and being shocked at how un-feeling he talked about his mom-it's what would make me think twice about my relationship with him; you know, "how a man treats his mom is how he'll treat his wife" generally speaking of course because it’s also not the case. Well in this case it's more like, "how he talks about his mom is how he'll talk about his wife" no matter how well the woman really is. He talked about her relationships and how he had to help her a few times because she didn't always know how to pick them, or she would live with one guy and then another in the next relationship. At one point I remember right after our date how disrespectful he had spoken of his mom and the name he had called her. He said, "it's sad to say and a bad word to use but that's how my mom is. She's nice and loves her parents but when it comes to relationships and my mom...she is one of those people." I remember before I had officially met his mom that if he said she was coming to "visit him" I soon realized it wasn't to actually spend time with my husband, but more for her convenience to the fact that she wanted to go out to the bar or meet someone (meaning either had a date or was meeting with another girlfriend in the Dallas area.) Basically, somewhere free to stay so she didn't have to pay for a hotel. Hadn't even met the woman and I was already not having a good feeling in my stomach...I remember always taking mental notes because since the first day I had met his grandparents (his maternal grandmother and the grandmother’s husband), my husband always seemed to have a soft change in demeanor and stance when it came to those older individuals; altogether a different way about his grandparents that he was comfortable and at ease. He was more himself and it showed. Even meeting the Grandmother I knew that I would be able to communicate and get along with her; maybe but heads on ideas if that came up but regardless, she seemed to know where responsibilities and priorities lay-well to an extent.

Why do I mention all this? It provides the roots to why I felt and reacted the way and in the mannerisms I did. I mean my husband’s mother would be entering into her third marriage, with a man that she had dated for about a year and were already living together for at least off and on (because she still had her place) for about maybe four months prior to the wedding. By Labor Day weekend after my husband and my wedding, they were engaged and did everything in a month to get married in October, all in the same year. I’ll also nip in the butt any of you weirdos thinking I was jealous of my husbands mother OR of her marriage-I can hold my hand on the Bible and even have my other hand in the fire and know I’m saying the truth with my response of “I was never jealous nor did I ever feel that she was ‘stealing my wedding thunder” considering the coincidental timeframe of it all. So now that I’ve answered you on that, moving on!

My daughter wasn’t walking yet as she was months only (thankfully in my mind) and my husband’s mother had openly mentioned to us (my husband and I) how she would have loved to have our daughter as her flower girl. One mention with my present and the remainder conversations of his mother’s impromptu and whirlwind wedding was typically discussed via phone and only with my husband it seems or in general the “organizing” was being done all via phone. There was one specific conversation I remember my husband telling me which was in regards to his mom having a hard time choosing who to walk her down the aisle as her father would be there but her mom's husband was also a huge father figure and presence in her life; to my knowledge and understanding before we even ended up traveling to Shreveport, was that my husband’s mother had decided she would be walking down the aisle by herself because she didn't want to choose between her sons either on who would be walking her down the aisle. For a slight minute or at least on hearing that relayed story, I was proud of the woman’s sense and consideration.

The first week of October arrived and at the beginning of the week (prior to the wedding weekend) my little one went from healthy and fine to sick with a high fever. The moment I saw that six hours into a day had still not taken away her fever, but it was erratic I knew that whatever was ailing her was going to take its course and it was going to be a hard one. I mentioned to my husband, "you need to let your family know already that our daughter is getting sick, in case we won't make it to the wedding." His response was nonchalant and dismissive with a "we'll see how she is tomorrow and then I'll let them know, there's still plenty of time for her to get better and we can still leave.” I held my momma bear temper reaction in check and agreed with him. Into that night after the good thirteen hour day had passed, I kept watch and was vigilant of our daughter as her mood had already begun to change; her demeanor wasn't as giddy or chipper or remotely half of what her typical energy is - and if anyone knows my daughter then they know when she shows that many changes somethings not right. It was already a long day with Tylenol not helping and her doing her best to fight whatever it was, to top it off because of my vigilance of her I woke up feeling off, in fear of not enough rest I started the quick home remedies to prevent getting sick myself and trying to stay ahead of a curve that might be thrown my way. My husband seemed still adamant on ensuring our presence and attendance to the wedding regardless as I was relaying to him how the little one was doing. His reaction and response made me tighten my lip about myself, so I wasn't going to mention to him that I was feeling off yet until I knew for sure I was getting sick instead of maybe just being tired from caring for the little one. My minor concern (more so because I’m a woman of my word) was that I had offered to be the photographer at my husband’s mother's wedding-I figured I could tackle that dilemma later should it be an issue.

My daughter didn't have a fever anymore (thank goodness) BUT she was tired from her running nose, congestion, coughing, and just wanted mommy most of the time. Unfortunately, I was already starting to feel like she did - sick and miserable but noticing that my husband wasn't taking care of us nor trying to help more at home for both our sakes and seemed to only be treating out symptoms to get things over with; "just give her this and she should be better, she should be fine tomorrow after taking this..." I remember so vividly that I wanted to punch him in the face and say "get out" a few times. I saw him not taking care of us just "watching over us" and that was my last straw because we weren’t improving and began to ask me questions about the trip! I took the initiative and group messaged via text his mother and grandmother letting them know that my baby wasn't well at all and I wasn't going to be risking her health, especially on a trip where other people would be present (more germs and pollen and heat). The second ironic occurrence (and my belief of a sign to not attend this wedding) was that during all of this with the little one being sick and my trying not to be sick, my husband’s mother and I were in a conflict of sorts-a conflict I might add that SHE began because she made an inaccurate and false accusation based on an assumption.

You see also prior to this upcoming wedding weekend to take place, apparently my husband’s mother stated that she didn't need gifts she was only wanting for her family to attend church with her and her soon to be new husband come Sunday morning after their Saturday wedding. I kept my rude and snarky comments to myself at that time and didn't mention to my husband what I was thinking because there wasn't a need to. Yet I thought it comical that she wanted to not only attend church on Sunday but to make sure her family was there, when she's never done that on a regular normal Sunday "service" day, either when in town or out of town and throughout the entire upbringing of her three sons from three different men...her three sons have stated to me (including her own mother) that she had never been consistent with her faith or attendance to church. I believe that religion and faith are a must in life and that's fine if a woman who was never adamant about it before wants to be now, however you can't all of a sudden expect this of your family or at least of the son whose wife has explained that doesn't and can't attend service outside of her faith and beliefs. Hey if the woman was turning over a new leaf GREAT! Good for her, but build your faith life and it’s consistency before you going on dragging family to your requests…My husband’s expression when he had vocalized his mother's request to me was joyful so I said nothing at the time and just commented, "that's nice, we will just have to coordinate because remember I have to attend Mass first especially if we're going to be going with them to her church service." His response was complacent with a "I know and that's fine, I'll just let my mom know. I don't know why you have to but that's fine." So, to make sure that we had the details in ADVANCE and I could plan accordingly (even though I was also still having a sick baby) on what Mass my daughter and I would attend before her church service with the family.

Her and I were in communication via text but I made the error of typing and forwarding information to who I thought was my husband, on the details of what I had coordinated with his mother. The error wasn't in ANYTHING stated or mentioned in the text (except for a line that stated I was finishing a bowel movement in the restroom) it was in the who, of where the text got sent to; his mother. Realizing my error I sent it to my husband right after and thought everything was fine, until about five minutes after a received a curt text from my husband’s mother stating how I shouldn't gossip or talk about her to another person and if I was then to make sure who it was being sent to. So, the drama began...that entire day was ruined because of a woman's ill accusation from an assumption, and her own low self-esteem and selfish self-image (to be quite frank). I responded stating exactly what had happened and that I had never talked about her to anyone nor did I ever gossip about anyone nor would I start. She never responded. Twenty minutes later, when my husband, our daughter, and I are loaded into the vehicle to enjoy our day, my husband’s mother calls him directly. She's apparently crying and telling him what occurred, I hear him state "no mom you're not a bad mother or grandmother" (which is open to opinion if you ask me) then hangs up a few minutes after that. I figured she was just venting to her son but the moment he states, not asks or questions to find out the details; just blatantly states, "so you apparently were talking bad about my mom to someone else and accidentally sent it to her directly." Our argument ensued right after that, (thankfully our daughter was already asleep in her car seat since she had meds) because I had already told him before we left the house what had happened but he all of a sudden forgot the moment his mommy calls crying, then he also forgets that HE was the one who told me, "don't worry about it babe, my mom can be dramatic and sometimes a drama queen and you didn't do anything wrong so don't worry about it. Let's go enjoy our day." Towards the end of our argument, I just simply said, "I sent you the snapshots of your mother and my texts, so you have it on record what was said. Also, if you read it, nowhere in that text is there anything negative about your mother AND on another note what does her accusation about me have anything to do with being a bad mother or grandmother?" My husband looked at his phone, while driving, at the images I had sent him then shakes his head and says, "yea don't worry about it I don't know where my mom is going with that."

How was I supposed to enjoy any day when my daughters sick but we’re seeing how her energy is at HIS demand, I’m under the weather, and the frosting on top right now is that now I’m being accused of not being a good Christian woman. I decided to provide the closure that maybe, I thought, my husband’s mother needed. I sent a simple, respectful, and precise text that stated I apologized for any hurt feelings as that wasn't the intention but as she could see if she re-read the texts I sent that I was never speaking ill of her in any way. Shoot, if I really was a bad woman I would spill the beans of how the entire time I was dating her son and even before we got married, I was the one telling him "be respectful to your mom, have you talked to your mom to see how she's doing, or don't answer or talk about your mom like that-she's still your mom regardless of her life choices (these last words are the ones my husband likes to use now when convenient for him in regards to his own disagreement/s with his mother);  this new found respect or "soft" side towards his mother was something I vocalized to him that I guess he’s doing because of our daughter perhaps, who knows!

We went about our day only to find about two hours later a long ass text from my husband’s mother on received. She went on and on about how her feelings were hurt and that she knew she’d made errors and that I may not like her as well as have made comments in the past that hurt her feelings, but that I shouldn't judge her. After reading it all and before my response I was literally baffled and said out loud "what the fuck?" My husband heard me astonished that I would even curse that word and especially in front of our daughter (as I've always been big on NO curse words since I was dating him). I told him and showed him her text stating, "what the hell is she even talking about? All of that from a simple coordination text this morning?!" My husband (with the male mind he has) just said for me to let it go or that it would just blow over after the wedding; him not realizing that not responding would either issue another false accusation on her end towards me OR worse make an even bigger dramatic theatre about it. I responded to her text in a methodical way clarifying and verifying; then I simply stated that I didn't think it would be best for our attendance TO HER wedding until this supposed issue was resolved and it had to be done via phone not text anymore. Showed my husband my response and I told him why I wouldn't go to the wedding until I spoke to his mom-he never could understand the reasoning behind why it would hinder our attendance at the wedding. Do you see the significance of the way I handled and dealt with this? Didn't hear from her until the next day and it was via text still...I saved all the snapshots of that text drama because it was the most ridiculously wasted time of my life (among others).

With all that being said, I took all that was occurring as a subtly sign that this really wasn't a good idea for us to be going to the wedding, especially when finally my luck was done for and I was officially sick. It's now Thursday before the wedding and I've expressed my concern to my husband about his mom's situation but more importantly how I'm feeling sick now, and that our daughter hasn't improved-on the contrary just seems to be on autopilot and even her appetite is minimal with all her congestion. I suggest taking her to CareNow instead of her actual doctor's so they can provide something quick since there was still time...he didn't give a damn he was still more focused on the damn wedding coming up saying, "I know you don't want to go to the wedding but she'll be fine you two just need to rest." I asked him to take us to CareNow because with me being out of my job health insurance was never his priority and never tried getting it for us. I remember just moving along with my day and not wasting my breath on something that was not going to change even seeing how my little one’s demeanor was...

I even suggested for him to just go be at his mother’s wedding and that I would have my aunt or sister look after us; as is I don’t like being a “witness” to marriage ceremonies because it’s a big deal and if I don’t feel that the individuals wedding are meant to be married or that I don’t even know the individuals well enough – I didn’t like being in attendance for the wedding. His only response was simply "I'm not going to the wedding by myself, we either all go or we all stay. Apparently I'm supposed to rest and get better when I'm taking care of our daughter, packing for her and myself just in case for the three days and two nights, still feed us and take care of house chores especially since we would be returning and my husband would practically turn around and leave for something he had going on out of town for what he claimed was “work” and I would be by myself.

I was upset at my husband and his damn mother, aggravated at my husband’s inability to see what was going on in front of him, sad that we had expressed vows not even long before about love and cherish and taking care of each other, disappointed that he was more caught up on his own family crap that he wasn't even willing to take our daughter to CareNow, worried for my daughter because I had already gone through so much with her when she was born and she had never gotten sick until now, disillusioned at my husband in what I thought he understand of my faith and actually being a family, pissed that he didn't realize the severity or importance of the same scriptures he chose for our wedding in regards to HIS now immediate family coming first and everything else is second...there's no need to go on because these emotions are only the beginning and soon explode to the max during this whole damn weekend wedding.

Friday morning arrived...I now felt like crap physically from feeling sick and even my daughter didn't look any better, on the contrary she was even more tired and lethargic from when her symptoms started. I couldn't go back to sleep and decided to continue moving forward through the day and let her sleep off the meds. Without telling my husband I took the initiative again and texted my husband’s mother and grandmother letting them know that my daughter wasn't any better and that it might be that we would either not attend at all or just arrive and leave the same day as the wedding. The grandmother's response stated prayers for her to get better and that whatever is best for her to get better. His mother's response stated prayers but basically, “hope you can still make it as I would love to have her part of the ceremony.” Yes, because THAT'S the focus of what I'm doing...my husband is downstairs and when he sees me, he asks how our daughter is doing and how I am. I literally tell him now that I feel like shit and how our daughter was through the night because I was keeping vigil of her throughout the night. I let him know what I sent his mother and grandmother and his response was immediate irritation; that I should have just waited until tomorrow to let them know, is what he told me. That our daughter could still change tomorrow and be better and we would still be able to attend and that all I had to say was that I didn't want to go to the wedding and we wouldn't go. I blew at that moment not only because of what he was saying but his facial expression as well. "If I wasn't planning or wanting to go to your mother's wedding then why in the hell would I waste time packing everything for our daughter as if we were going to leave regardless of her being sick and also my luggage? And unlike you and your family I'm not going to wait until the last minute, especially for a wedding to let someone know important information. Also, I'm supposed to be taking photos at your mom’s wedding so why would I have offered to still do so if I didn't or wasn't going to be going? You're forgetting I haven't rested since our daughter started getting sick and now, I feel like shit. So yes, my not wanting to go to the wedding is the reason [insert sarcasm]." His expression changed and he started to be all soft and sweet-but I had had enough. I made a decision to myself at that moment, that I wasn't going to hold my tongue or my decisions in the moment (especially regarding his family and any stupid drama caused by his mother and his family, as is the previously mentioned drama of his mother wasn’t even resolved yet either). By this time my family knew that my daughter wasn't doing so well and my mom expressed concern for going to the trip (even if a minimal distance from our house)-I had to white lie to cover my husband’s ass because he didn't care about getting us better it was more a matter of what he had said to his family and already agreed to with his mother. Against my better judgement there we go to Shreveport.

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman 

Looking Back during Lent of 2018 - General/Family Life/Relationships

 When I had originally created this post, it was my attempt at looking back at the past in a reflective and wanting to enlighten myself (as well as any others) at the signs or even what should or shouldn’t take place with your wedding and relationship altogether. I wasn’t even divorced yet and I was already analyzing how the blessed event took place. So fast forward to today in the year 2026 and I'm finally finishing this post.

Do I believe there is such a thing as a perfect wedding, no! However, there is such a thing as a couple believing they had close to a perfect wedding-which means that they both enjoyed the day and everything entailed/associated with the day of bliss! So, trying to keep the original content in place the text that’s bolded are what I’ve now added or created. Here we go!

 Looking Back during Lent of 2018

August has come and gone, which means all the excitement of “wedded bliss has died down; the wedding is over. Easter is coming up and I’m looking back or more like through the wedding album since we came back from a beach March wedding (that I had to do the pictures on for my photography business). I even managed to find a few thank you cards I did back in September, right after our wedding that I hadn’t gotten around to sending out. All this is making me remember and reminisce more vividly about the day of the wedding and more significantly the leading up to the wedding.

I took every precaution and organized measure to make sure that my husband and I would have a wonderful wedding day as we both agreed that this would be THE wedding for us both. With divorce in his family's history (both biological parents), my desire and prayerful discernment was that this would be my only wedding regardless of the circumstances or situation in which we found ourselves and how our relationship evolved from the start. I organized everything to make sure that mostly everything would take off without a hitch and that my “hubby “and I could enjoy the preparation and getting ready on the day of the event. My family (my mother, father, and sister) were doing their best considering everything we had personally going on that week of the wedding date, while still striving to make everything possible for him and I. I even went to the extent of putting on every invitation that on the day the groom and bride were not to be bothered with questions or exterior situations of any kind as we would both be preparing for the big event on the day of. Considering my hubby's past and also seeing that he was also excited for the wedding, I wanted to do my part in making sure he would have some time to himself or maybe just some time with him and his brothers...I knew that things would come up but nothing to the extent of what actually occurred.

You see our wedding was scheduled for a Saturday and a late afternoon Mass (purposely chosen to be at the latest time-3pm). When my husband (well at the time fiancé) and I were asked at what time we wanted our wedding, hubby answered saying “it’s up to you babe.” So, in my mind because the two adults getting married had a little girl who wasn’t walking on her own yet and had to be taken into consideration with the time of the whole thing, I figured that the later time would be good enough for us. I even relayed all of this to my husband explaining more in detail once we left the church (as to my logic and reasoning) to see if he agreed or understood the choice; “that way it gives us both the getting ready time, you can spend your getting ready time with your family and then you can be with our daughter and once I’m going to start getting ready you can leave our daughter with my folks and head to the church since you’re required to be there earlier.” I knew that as a responsible adult it wasn’t going to be the most typical wedding day since we did have a little girl, hell I even knew realistically that the wonderful bride getting ready was going to be cut short because I didn’t want to just pawn off our daughter in order to get ready. Which leads me to the next bit...since I wanted to make sure and stay on budget, a very tight budget, I made sure to not use a wedding planner and do all the organizing myself. Staying on budget was difficult due to price points and I would do my homework on decor (sometimes with even my hubby in tow) BUT it was even worse on the venue stuff because he just wanted to get things over with and done so that the wedding day, we literally wouldn’t have anything to worry about. Only problem is that I had lots to worry about, leading up to the day of and ON the day off. My sister is a wedding planner and event coordinator, but I also didn’t want to use her services as a wedding planner and coordinator since she was my maid of honor, then still was going to have my reception venue set up with the décor personally purchased for the day of, and then get ready and help with any last minute details. I was making sure that everything from the i’s and t’s were done, chronologically and methodically. I spent weeks doing research on the venues, menus, decor, church items, guest gifts, last minute items, and more importantly the thought into everything about the wedding; I did everything that a wedding planner and coordinator was supposed to do, on top of being a mom to our daughter (especially during the times my husband was “working”). I did a task sheet that listed items to review and mark up to the week of to stay organized and limit or eliminate stress.

To stay on target and within budget range I did the following:

•  invitations were sent out exactly five months in advance so that EVERYONE had plenty of time to RSVP
• I created the website for our wedding so I could also have people easily RSVP and that I could keep a headcount
• I did the wedding registry that was shown on our wedding website - something I forced my husband to join in on and create the registry with me. He didn’t seem to care about the registry. Shoot I remember at the time his exact words were, “why don’t we just let people give us whatever they want and be done. My family isn’t going to be able to give us much anyway...” he then proceeded to explain why.
• Based off his input we put items on our registry that I figured technically we would need if we had our own apartment/house then after showing hubby, it was approved and posted
• I researched venues that were realistic for the price and the quantity invited; I wanted something that would be easy to decorate, affordable, including everything we needed to feed the guests which were servers, service, and food. I didn’t really care about the bar but once I showed hubby the venue and we saw the room that would be used for our reception he was happy with the option of having a cash bar. I love my drinks when the occasion arises, but I’ve never been a drunk or huge drinker SO I kept saying no bar or bartender and hubby said it would be fine. His side of the family REALLY like to drink, well excluding his maternal grandparents that is…
• The venue for the reception was not near the church but near my family’s house (the location where we were living and would still be living in after we got married); I wasn’t worried about where the venue was as long as it was easier on my sister and I for the day of because of the setup of the reception on the day of and because of my little one

The wedding venue was secured and even my hubby (fiancé at the time) was on the same page with me regarding the location and everything that was included. For feeding exactly forty-two people and a child under the age of one (our daughter) with a full three-course meal and an entree meal option for the guests, along with one round of champagne for the toast; all including the servers and service with cutlery and plates, especially for the cake...well under $4k. I was proud of myself and proud of us because of the bargain we got compared to every other place in the Dallas Metroplex area...the big date was getting closer...I was rounding up all the decor and making cuts in decor expenses when my sister surprised me by pitching in for costs towards the decor.

The clock was ticking and I had to now get to the item that was my wedding dress. All of a sudden my husband (fiancé at the time) was adamant and made sure that I would have the wedding dress I wanted for the blessed occasion and I was still trying to cut costs even there for us...you see for a traditional Catholic wedding, the bride typically wears a two tier veil with the longer portion extending towards the back of the dress and the shorter tier having the ability to flip over the brides face and then be placed/folded back toward the back of the dress and bride. Think like the character Maria in the Sound of Music; since I was a little girl I was always imagining something like that…My wedding dress was truly beautiful in every sense of the word and it showed in not only the style of the dress but in the details, materials, fabric, and elegance. 

I made sure to keep it as clean and tidy as possible-for it to be something I can hand down to my girls (something like the baptism gown that was purchased for one daughter and is now a family heirloom). Well, that was the idea or illusion perhaps at the time. Once the divorce was final, I told my mother to get rid of it...Picking my wedding dress was rushed and it wasn’t like how I envisioned it to be. The joy I had was that my family (my daughter, my parents, and my bride maids were in attendance but that was it. 

He met us where the dress was purchased and he said he was going to pay for the dress. I was surprised and then once I found out that he was rushing me to meet up with his family for their impromptu birthday gathering for his grandmother, well that combined with him liking to “look good” to the appearance of others for what he was “doing for his family” it made sense where the push and drive to pay came from. Now don’t get me wrong I deeply cared for those grandparents and had no problem with even wanting to celebrate her birthday, it was the fact that the only reason why his family was all getting together was because his mother was in town with her live in boyfriend and two sons and so was one or both of this brothers (I can’t remember exactly regarding his brothers). So anyway, the wedding dress was picked out and paid for, so while I loaded my daughter and I into the pickup truck while my sister and parents took my wedding dress home.

Only weeks until the wedding date...crunch time is fast approaching and I remember stressing. My husband’s family “offered” their assistance: his grandparents offered that if there was anything I needed help with for the big day to let them know-realistically it was a nice gesture and offer but I knew they wouldn't be able to offer much help given their health conditions and age; similar to that of my own grandparents-I wouldn't dare ask the elderly. Now my husband’s mother offered her assistance stating, "that if there's anything you need for the wedding let me know. Even to set up or clean or whatever you need for the big day just let us know." I knew I shouldn't have given her words much thought considering my experience already with the woman, but I figured that given it was her eldest son's first marriage…needless to say I was hopeful for this to be a turning point or a new leaf turned over! Hubby himself even said that him and his brothers could help with the heavy lifting and anything that my sister and I needed especially for the reception items...that was a relief for me because I figured I would be able to count on hubby and his brothers because my uncles would be busy taking care of my grandparents (maternal side) so that my mother could focus on the reception set up with my sister and her daughter (aka – me) on the big day, then my other relatives would be busy prepping for their roles in the wedding ceremony AND getting my cousins situated for their roles as well in the wedding. On top of that my father unfortunately couldn't postpone or reschedule his required knee surgery otherwise he would be doing more damage to his physical overall health. I remember that even my parents tried to reschedule it earlier, but the surgeon didn't have anything sooner; so, the timing was just unfortunate. I remember that even my sister made a comment about it being a sign and not to force the wedding...a remember a part of me then was taking her words to heart but in my mind what I was trying to do for my “new” family was going to take precedence – sad part was looking back I was the male in the relationship and the only one really doing the relational aspect of the marriage as well as the relationship as a whole…Looking back, maybe if we had just waited a little bit longer things would have progressed for the better in a different way...then again maybe not. I've never had regrets about any decisions I've made in my life but that doesn't mean I still can't be sad or overwhelmed with emotions at remembering...anyway, I digress.

The wedding date was exactly a week away and I kept checking and double checking all the details of the wedding. Everything dealing with the ceremony and the reception (decorations, materials, etc) were all laid out in my parents’ house in the dining room on the big dining room table they have. I had items organized and separated by the agenda of the day and for the reception and ceremony. During the day because of my little one, I wasn't able to do much or accomplish much unless it involved us going to stores or shopping for something...my evenings and nights were spent working on things for the wedding, literally even up until the night before my wedding. When I asked my husband for help on things his statement was, "I don't really want to get involved helping you because you want things a certain way and I feel like I'm going to mess things up, BUT I can do and work on our present/card box as well as our sign in mirror idea. I'll fix them so they stay open and we can close them easily."

I ended up just agreeing not knowing my headache and problems ahead either way...I designed and worked on the pamphlets for the ceremony for the guests. When they were done, I printed them, then folded them; when I asked my husband to fold them for me he kept saying, "I will babe, later" or "I'll do that tomorrow babe." I ended up folding them all myself and placing them in the "ceremony" box that was to be loaded into the vehicle on the day of the wedding...I designed and worked on the reception table cards and name cards. Since I wanted my husband’s opinion and contribution, the name cards took me a total of three days to finish; I printed them out, cut them all out, then proceeded to laminate them. We didn't and never had a laminator, so I ended up package taping every name card. What I mean by my package tape is that I cut up pieces of the clear tape used for FedEx/UPS boxes; allowing the name cards to look like laminated name cards-since these were also keep sake items for all our guests. I saved money on this great little guest keep sake idea; mini mason jars (no larger than about 4" tall) that had a beautifully engraved emblem of the wedding with white chocolate circular chocolates. I filled and fixed all the jars and then packed them up for them to be placed in the "reception" box that was to be placed in my sister’s Hummer with all the other reception decor items. I had this idea for the entry and area where guests would take their keep’s sake items at their departure; it was a "Looking at the Past for the Future"; basically, framed pictures of all the longest and blessed couples that were wedded and still together in our families. So, after all the frames were bought, I made sure to fix them and pack them (again in the reception box).

Designed, organized, and created the layout of reception area and how everyone should be seated, knowing that any adjustments I could trust my sister to make herself with her best judgement when she would set up the reception. My sister and I did a test run of what the table top decor would like (in the evening after she arrived from work) and once we had a concrete layout, I made sure it was packed up and accordingly organized in the "reception box" for my sister when she would take the items out to set up. Created a wedding playlist by writing it all down first, so that I could then have my husband’s contribution and opinion, before even putting the playlist together on my phone (to be played at the reception). Once my husband provided his input I then spent one whole night creating the playlist. I then created and printed out the wedding day's agenda, which was more for my sister to help me but more importantly I needed to provide one for the reception venue. The last items, after everything were packed in their specific boxes, were the “sign in mirror” and the gift box, both which weren't fixed by my husband until two days before the wedding day. For the sign in mirror, I had specific photos printed out to be placed on the sign in mirror's panels. I did a good amount of art and crafts to finalize our sign in mirror, and I was very happy at the result. Items were done and I was able to pack everything in an organized fashion for those who would be using them...all of this was done during the week before the wedding date and all done by myself; I would go to sleep until about 2am or 3am overnight and yes even on the eve of my wedding night...but I'll get into that on another post...Where my fiancé was during all this, wasn’t taking care of our daughter so that I would have this grand amount of time no, because even when he actually cooked my sister and I were still cleaning up the kitchen or washing the dishes-he was either playing on his phone on my parent’s couch or in the office on what was my desk that he overtook or outside or in the garage…yes he would help get the bed ready for out little one or the easy set up things before I did the little ones nightly ritual but that’s about it…

My sister had told me to not worry about the wedding glasses and wedding cake items for the bride and groom; I didn't understand why when I showed her the ones I was ordering online but later, at the wedding she told me why. She said that no sister of hers was going to be get some crappy materials on Amazon for her wedding, because this was something I deserved and shouldn't be cutting corners on to have, since it would be my first and it was hopeful to be my only wedding. She presented us, him and I, with (as her gift to us) a beautiful and real set of wedding champagne glasses with glass carvings with our wedding information and date, along with a beautiful matching pair of knives for our wedding cake to go with it. Items I will forever cherish, not because of items from the wedding but because of the thought and love my sister put into buying them and presenting them to us. Something he and point blank his whole family have no value to the significance of these items since they all like to divorce and remarry like candy-excluding the maternal grandparents on his side.

Two weeks before the wedding date I had to double-check our RSVP numbers as we had to provide them to the reception venue literally a week before the wedding date. I questioned my hubby about his uncle's attendance, and I clearly stated (while also gaging what my husband’s thoughts were at that time) that I didn't want his uncle bringing the crack whore want to be saint to our wedding. That I was not going to have the current woman he claimed to be in a relationship with, at our wedding, and if he wanted to come, he could come alone. This is the same woman who I met at Christmas the year our first baby was born who I was scoffed at for not wanting her to touch or have anything to do with my baby girl...I was judged because I didn’t want a woman who little whored herself out to get a fix of drugs while making sure she had a meals taken care of AND claimed to recently be clean. I don’t care who you are FUCK to the NO on a new baby proximity. As a squirrel note, in the end she was using him for her own gain while he was using her to appease his loneliness (and for lack of a better term, fuck buddy), so I was right in my assessment then that was claimed to be “judgmental Catholic” instead of “momma bear mode”; ironically as well, they aren't together anymore and he's moved on to another woman (who looks and dresses the same as his ex).

Any who! Getting back to the post because that's no concern of mine and irrelevant to the post...so I get a text on one of the days of that week, two weeks prior to the wedding, on a lovely and joyous afternoon (when we're with all of my family no less), from hubby's uncle asking about the type of dress his girlfriend (the crack whore) should wear to the wedding. Long story short hubby ended up having to talk to his grandmother because apparently his uncle responded like a little child to tattle tale to his mother, that why wasn’t his nephew whose wedding it was-couldn’t bring his trashy slutty girlfriend to our wedding. I felt slightly bad for my husband about that occurrence as well as the fact that his actual best friend wasn't going to attend the wedding due to a cruise him and his girlfriend would be taking, but now he had to deal with petty drama from his side of the family (again). I conceded for the "peace" of that day because it wasn't only his grandmother he had to deal with but his own mother butting in on the situation...I responded to his uncle's text to let him know how she should dress. I can tell you that she neither wore something suggested in style and color nor something appropriate for a wedding, instead she wore a dress that was shorter than a miniskirt and as tight as a thong. I'm still trying to get her damn name off our wedding sign in mirror...

My husband’s mother arrived at the hotel with her boyfriend and his two sons as well as her youngest son in tow, the Thursday evening before the wedding agenda would begin. I still had hope of it all going well until my husband told me that he would be returning in a few hours since he was going over to the hotel to see his brother. I found through her social media that they had decided to go eat at the Benihana in the area closest to their hotel (the same hotel she stayed at when she was in town for our daughter's baptism). It's not the fact that she's enjoying her evening, it's the fact that the woman claimed she would be as much help as possible for us for our wedding since we had our little one, but not only does she not suggest for us all to have dinner together or perhaps come over to the house and see what we may or may not need help with for the big day, she hints at her son instead leaving his daughter and fiancé to go over and spend time with them...Am I not right to get a little furious at the situation and also at my hubby in that moment because he knows and see's what still has not been done and that I've been dead tired from the week as it is! I was literally updating him daily and showing him the things as I completed them, so it’s not like he wasn’t in the know! So when I tell him that, he has the audacity to answer me, "so I can't even see my family now? What do you need help with? You said I can't load the stuff into the truck because you aren't done..." Then when I proceeded to ask him about our daughter and getting her ready for bed, he nonchalantly mentions that our daughter didn't want to be put to sleep by him and that my mother had it covered. I remember at that moment I just snapped; I responded calmly letting him know to go ahead with his mom and brother because the wedding was off and I didn't give a damn about how much money was spent or placed where, because I knew my family could cover the cost for me...

Looking back, he was the one losing a lot if he hadn’t tried his hardest like he did to talk to me and "make it better". My parent's home and all the luxurious accommodations - I literally had begged my parents to let him stay in the guest bedroom so that it was a way for us to be “chaperoned” and him to create and nurture a relationship and bond with our daughter…by the time the conversation ended it was already 10pm. I felt like I couldn't breathe and I needed air. I'm going through the motions of still getting things ready for the wedding and he has no problem just saying good night and going to the guest bedroom. I held in tears and told my family that I needed to drive to clear my head and that I just needed to drive...I didn't owe my husband an explanation, so I left but made sure to text the family when the garage closed. It was already late so I figured to drive on the “safer routes” for a longer distance so I could drive with my calm music. I ended up taking highway 75 southbound into Dallas, to then get on 635 going westbound to take the express lanes of an area I knew was well lit and secure enough for my drive; the irony was I was praying and driving to clear my mind while thinking of this so called “safer route” since I didn’t want anything to happen to me as I had mt little one at home counting on me.

During this year (and still the case now) there were a lot of reported car accidents with wrong way drivers, drunk drivers, and those on their phones so yes, I was still trying to be cautious. Not even two miles into the drive on 635 when there’s apparently something wrong with a vehicle and two cop cars are assisting. This next portion I still have yet to tell ANYONE about...a mile after passing that cop scene I'm driving along and minding my own business when these two drunk idiots in a black Dodge Challenger decide to get my attention by honking and then proceeding to try and side swipe my vehicle (twice) one time by accident since they were swerving onto my lane and then the second time on purpose because they were wanting my attention. Scared the crap out of me and I broke hard letting them pass as their stupid smug laughs sped away...I got off at the nearest exit and locked on to my route home ASAP. I didn't think of my husband, it was my daughter I wanted to see and touch after that...

When I arrived back home, I saw that my husband was still awake, so my resolution hit me. I walked into the guest room and asked him a question; after a good amount of back and forth responses between him and I, I said fine I wouldn't' call off the wedding but that HE needed to tell his mother that I needed her at the house early the next day to talk and to help with last minute things for the wedding. Both were true statements and I wanted to get all these indifferent thoughts out of the way and out in the open as well as yes have her actually help. The Friday before our wedding was when she was to arrive around 9am and help; knowing we would have to take two vehicles for the last minutes errands and tasks, I made sure my sister and mom knew that they wouldn't be riding with me and my little one, since my husband's mother would be in the vehicle with me. She arrived on time and proceeded to talk; first about how glad she was my husband had texted her to inform her and that she was happy to help in any way. To be honest she didn't help at all and was more of a nuisance than an aide-ok I lied, she helped us wrap and finish one big box of the gifts to be at our gift table at the reception; because it was about looking for a belt and suspenders for her youngest son, then she last minute bought my daughter a dress for the rehearsal at the church, and then asked me about where to get her hair done then left because she needed to get ready for the rehearsal we would be having at the church later.

Supposedly, the air was cleared for us as we would always be up front and direct with each other, that she was so happy her son had found someone like me, that she had prayed for years for someone like me, then proceeded to tell me about what her boyfriend was doing wrong with his sons and the problems she was having in correcting/teaching his sons...all I wanted to make clear was that I was always going to be direct, blunt, and confrontational-if that created a moment or moments of indifference or at odds or especially a conflict so be it. And yes, you guessed it, I had A LOT Of help from that woman (that's sarcasm by the way). Well, I had to finish what I could because time was wasted taking her to another store for her youngest son’s things for the wedding...I scrambled to get ready, then get my little one ready, and still make it to rehearsal in Downtown Dallas. Oh, but my husband made sure that rental cars were taken care of and provided for his family (why I still don't understand because that's money we could have saved, but whatever, it's his day too and he wanted to-is what I thought).

Well, I'm late for my own rehearsal and though I have a reason to be I'm peeved and starving! I realized then and there at rehearsal that photos of the big day! I take the time to ask my uncle if he can be the photographer at the wedding. Yup that's right, to save cost further I didn't have a professional photographer, instead I asked my uncle who wasn't a formerly part of the ceremony of the wedding but still important; he was nice enough to say sure and looking back at my photos today, I still love a lot of the ones he took! So, we move through the motions of the rehearsal and then it's about the rehearsal dinner...

My family was still trying and nice enough to ask me and my sister even said she could try to work something if I wanted to, my response was no because there was no way in hell, I was going to make my family pay for everyone AND I didn’t feel like giving ungrateful people a handout. Call me mean, a bitch, or whatever adjectives you may have but I was just done for. My own fiancé didn’t even try to plan or create something in advance. Though he quickly scrambled for one after his mother whispered something to him once rehearsal was over. So the rehearsal was more for his family’s free meal and my family’s giving the illusion that it was a semi normal traditional wedding that my side of the family is used to...by the time we got to the shops of Legacy at Bob’s Steakhouse I was exhausted and I knew that with the wedding day the following day my little one needed her rest and comfort. I wasn’t going to pretend to enjoy something when I knew she needed her bath and bedtime, since he obviously wasn’t looking at the time. I also hadn’t finished things for the wedding and reception, and I needed to finish that at home as well...the rehearsal was an ordeal as well because my husband forced me to have his mother be a participant at the wedding. Considering she has no self-respect, no respect for religion and faith life, and likes to dress as if she’s in her 20s all over again and pretends to do things just so she can appear to look good to the eyes watching her. I was purposeful and intentional on the individuals that were to be a part of the Wedding Mass and I even took the time to explain everything to him, I was worried about what she would wear as she was going to be reading scripture…so yes I was just done and there was the fact that I wanted rest. I’m sorry but NO bride should have puffy eyes from either crying OR lack of sleep! And I’m not talking lack of sleep due to excitement or wedding jitters NOPE my situation was different and because the bride to be is working her own wedding...

Where was my family, you might wonder or ask? Oh, believe me they were there and every step of the way, ready to catch me and assist and lend a hand BUT individuals in the relationship itself before the marriage had to own up and grow a pair while also ensuring that the tone going into the wedding and marriage life is the right tone; through thick and thin, sickness and health, and working TOGETHER…

It sounds weird and even feels weird writing it but I lost nothing, well except anger at him, but gained so much more because of journey God allowed…all the signs were there and I decided to ignore them thinking that I was doing right by new family that was the man who gave me a baby and more importantly my daughter. I’m more blessed now than I was before, that’s for sure!

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman