Dating in High School? - General/Family/Relationships

So, I'm going to give fair warning to all my readers on this one, because it's a topic I feel very strongly about. I'm sure you all have your own opinion and what you feel is logical reasoning behind whether you're a "pro-date in high school" or a "don't date in high school".

As I write and you read I would like to point out that you need to also bear in mind, this strong opinion with conviction and religious belief intertwined is not only how I feel currently (especially as a mother of daughters) but it's actually also how I felt back when I was IN high school, I just have the ability to articulate and provide resources that I wasn't able to back then. 

The society states that dating in high school provides emotional support when they’re away from home, companionship, and improved social skills (and dumb parents eat into this concept-yes you heard me parents who allow their immature adolescent children to date in high school are dumb) it brings more drama, intense emotional stress, and distractions from academics and life/career preparation. For emotional support a high schooler has already their parents (even if again SOCIETY pushes that parents won't understand or be able to align with what a teen is going through), siblings, and whomever they consider to be their best friends. So, is a boyfriend/girlfriend even really necessary? For companionship you have again best friends or fellow fun group/individual classmates, siblings (like how my daughters say they’re each other’s best friends), or shoot even pets! Is a boyfriend/girlfriend again, needed? Now for the societal "improved social skills" I really have to laugh at parents who are stupid enough to believe this because guess what they’re doing practically (or should be unless their schooling is that lazy, they're on electronics only) ALL day for social skills at school? SOCIALIZING! They're amongst the student body, their high school counselors, coaches, trainers, general and all miscellaneous school staff (cafeteria staff or volunteers); but a boyfriend/girlfriend is important for their development in high school...YEA - okay! (insert sarcasm here please) If you're a concerned parent with your teenagers' level of social skills than take them out to public events or better yet, a controlled environment like those of volunteer work where they can be among their own age group as well as with both younger and older individuals. Now THAT'S true development or shoot, make your kids get an actual job. And NO, I'm not talking about some lame in family babysitting where you basically already babysit your younger siblings or cousins at family functions and holidays already. A boyfriend/girlfriend is NOT teaching anything outside of curiosity of things the teenager would probably be too embarrassed about to converse with parents to begin with! Parents should hopefully be competent or at least knowledgeable observant enough to know when their child is mature enough for certain conversations, so instead of leaving it for the school systems to explain to your kids about their bodies, do the explaining and reinforce that certain things are severely not okay and neither is the attempts to fulfill curiosity because the effects or repercussions are non-reversible. If you're a parent with morals and that has taught as well as practiced a faith life home, then it's actually easier to be able to do this and to have the teenagers explore what they can't understand yet. Now this next part might sound bad, but the statistics and data are intriguingly alarming...for homes with no morals or faith life balance having the kids already thinking of sex and masturbation and physical exploration with the opposite sex is far higher than those who have a moral understanding to not offend/anger God. Don't start harping on the "anger God" if you're a Bible only reading, honk if you love Jesus' individual because there's another post I'm dedicating to that alone so keep let's just put a pin there for another day ;)   

Now don’t get me wrong, do I believe in couples being high school sweethearts and then lasting into old age-heck yes! Both as a romantic at heart and knowing that there are exceptions to even my convictions with the will of God - BUT what everyone fails to realize is that THOSE couples who are high school sweethearts (which is a less than a 2% ratio) have what key ingredients in their personality/character for their high school relationship to be successful and then flourish?...they both individually have stern boundaries and personal convictions that are then shared because they both realized they have the same view on it (family life and social circles), deep shared history of faith, sharing and being both emotional mature, MATURITY altogether, AND their individually discovered but jointly shared views on working hard with a future together NO MATTER WHAT. Is it wrong to date in high school, no but there is only so much caution you can do before you're sucked into the idea because you could find yourself relating your worth to whether or not someone wants to date you or worse that your happiness

during high school hinders on whether or not you even have a boyfriend/girlfriend...So here are now my five reasons I believe it IS NOT a good idea.

1.)      If you’re too busy dating than you aren’t taking the time to even figure yourself out! Your personal goals for your academic life and/or your future career, the familial relationships you currently have that you’re wanting to nurture and grow or have more profound bonds in, spiritual goals if you have any, relational relationships like the new friends you’ve made or are making or the ones now growing more - so you get to do more in having fun and being with the group/s whether big or very small. My group was always a group of four and that included me, because I felt that each of us would always be paired up with another. I had (1) solid best friend that was a female and (1) solid best friend who was a male and that I had no interest in dating. Meaning I never thought he was attractive or "cute". The reason behind this for me personally was because the male friend was someone who understood me and my convictions and could measure up to be a solid boyfriend if WE ever felt like we wanted more, but because our friendship began solidly without dating in mind HE became the eyes to helping me gage or compare to in likings in case I was ever interested in someone. If my best friend wouldn’t treat me a certain way and I wouldn’t tolerate things from my best guy friend, then there was no way in hell I would want to tolerate it from a guy I was going to be interested in dating; SO if I was ever interested and blinded my best guy friend I knew would step up to the plate and call me out on it and let me know that it wouldn’t be a good fit...Figuring yourself out also means taking the time to look at all the marriages and romantic relationships in your family-what do you like and don’t. Is there something you notice that you don’t like in one of those romantic relationships that you would never want to happen to you - you now begin to structure your own dos and don’ts and convictions for relationships (especially if you never had them before).

2.)       Unnecessary stress and drama for sure! Sweet lord I remembered my freshman year and how quickly news got around about someone's break up if it was over the weekend, come Monday morning and then if the couple broke up at school in the morning, then by lunch the entire school knew! I was relived and it affirmed for me that while they were too busy working about stupid crap like that I got the option of choosing my favorite pair of shoes to buy, or new outfit, or getting my nails done, or sometimes my dad would let one of us choose the weekend splurge restaurant whether fancy or not so I had the whole week to decide and I was always excited for soccer weekends! I was focused more on the aspect of what I heard at freshman orientation - fix your schedules right and your programs then junior and senior year you could technically only be at school for half the day - DONE! That was the only incentive I needed and shoot I loved school (still do! Love to learn.) Then I remember sometimes seeing these group of girls helping whoever got dumped or did the dumping being a little emotional and they would block her to cover up her tears - great female support group BUT the heartache and emotional battle could've been avoided altogether! By something as easy as not dating...how embarrassing too that whoever you dated was news to everyone and then would circulate to the next "catch of the week" or month I suppose. 

3.)        Relationship and Personal Standards - No self-reflection on romantic relationship expectations and conversations. I knew I was mature for my age even when I was 8 but I wasn’t going to go pretending that I was emotionally mature for dating in high school! Dating involves emotions and I already knew emotions took a toll on a person and the body. If my own parents didn’t meet and date and get married until their early 20’s what made me realistically think that I would find my high school sweetheart and be done. Besides how could I know what I wanted in a boyfriend if I didn’t even know what my likes and dislikes were or how I felt regarding certain pressure points of having a relationship (family, sex, faith, academics, and future life). I could safely and securely observe both the relationships of the family, those of the teachers I respected, and especially of all the classmates who I thought were idiots in dating so soon and changing boyfriends/girlfriends out like if it was candy sale at the grocery/department store! As open as my parents were about relationships to their extent and upbringing, they knew that I would ask specifically people outside of them (2 specific adults at school who they knew, my uncles, and also my sister). I knew I needed to take the time to focus on what my non-negotiables were and what I would never allow from a boy...

4.)        Emotional Maturity is not even fully developed. Like I mentioned above I knew that though I was always mature for my age that I would or could risk having my emotional bank used up and/or dried up. I mean the ties to what I was witnessing was girls willing to change their wardrobes and hair color and piercings (or attempt to) and likes/dislikes, friends, etc. I knew it was wrong back then but not until NOW did I realize how wrong. Then their eating habits which turned into eating disorders and then drama and stress turning into mood swings and medications and depression...lordy that was all too much and all because they could’ve been happy campers by themselves like I was. As is in freshman year I was blessed to learn about the stages of life and characteristics because it only reinforced how my
parents were raising me and what my belief was; adolescence is from 10 years old to literally 24! So, I figured I wouldn’t attempt to date until I matured more emotionally (coping mechanisms and emotional regulations) and probably look at senior year or preferably until I was actually in college to actually spend thoughts or time on dating. I mean come on, boys already are slow at maturity, but parents are willing to bank the kids' futures on NO emotional maturity too! Like I mentioned already once before, are there exceptions to this thought process, hell yes there is BUT I'm almost positive that ended before this year's senior class is graduating! (Should this be read months or years later, this post is on May of 2026.)

5.)        Physical pressures of relationships even in high school. I knew that if I wanted what my parents had and actually the couple I romanticized more about was that of my mom's parents' marriage, then I was aware of something special and I had to understand what that meant. I didn’t want to risk trying things even just kissing with some idiot boy who didn’t know the difference between planning an actual date and not just “hanging out”. I already hated men doing this in my adulthood but yes, I had already disliked it back witnessing and hearing the "dates" back in high school too. If you want to hang out with someone you don't need a boyfriend/girlfriend for that, why the hell do you have friends then! Whether they're of the same sex or not! I didn’t want to risk my kisses or body (any of it) on some boy who couldn’t even keep up with his own hygiene and acne or a boy who wouldn’t even try to stand out from the high school typical mold. If I knew I wanted to be a different niche from the high school norm than my boyfriend had to be too. What that means is that I already knew I wanted to and was set on my experiences either being with my boyfriend who was or would also be my best friend, that would move into being my fiancé, to then be my husband. The timeline didn’t matter as long as we were sure and committed to it! (Too bad I thought to compromise later in college...but that's neither here nor there and definitely different post topic altogether.)
 
Perhaps the real question for you should be do YOU know the difference between dating someone you like and actually dating your best friend. The intent/meaning behind dating is to one day marry so one would want to and strive to date and marry their best friend. Or better yet do YOU really even know what your non-negotiables are and what the actual expectations of a relationships are?...if you're a parent reading this and you don't know where your kids stand-hell that says something about your parenting and NOT in a good way. If your teens reading this post because you like to pretend you're an adult and bypassed the 18+ years entry to my blog I have, and you don't know how to answer these questions, then my dear adolescent child-YOU should NOT be dating or thinking of dating...
 
Here below are a few resources I thought would be good reads, so enjoy!

"The teens who don’t date in high school have proven to have an overall better life as well as a more successful future outcome."
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/201910/teens-who-don-t-date-socially-behind-or-socially-skilled
 
The pros and cons of dating while in high school.
https://lionstale.org/11800/opinion/pro-con-high-school-relationships/
 
Sincerely,
A Distinct Woman

St. Bernard of Clairvaux Dallas (Reminiscing) - General

If you live in Dallas, TX or even in any of the surrounding rural or suburbs, St. Bernard of Clairvaux is a place to send your children! If you're a practicing Catholic and a family of faith in the Catholic Church, even better because this is the school for you!

So, to the class of 2004, this is for you and though we don't have our wall anymore our school is still doing so well and doing so much more for its students and Parish community! They have invested improvements that make it feel so different but the core and shell of the school as well as the church is still the same. I will admit it was sad to see that it was gone especially since I was the person from my 8th grade class who put the design together and had it approved. I also coordinated how everyone would accomplish/finish out their square in the puzzle piece masterpiece.

The school has more nun presence not only for religious aspects but as teachers so it's nice to see. The faith base is more boldly integrated instead of having staff that are respectful educators who are Christian but don't believe in the Catholic teachings and practices. Though the teacher's prior were really great and I loved my years in the school, seeing the changes makes you want to sign up and be a student again!

The Catholic Church is still connected and a quaint worship space, but the renovations that they've done to the surrounding areas and parking is really nice to see as well. My 8th grade class prayer garden is still beautifully kept and well taken care of as well. The clergy for the Parish is a very solid group of men with energy, boldness, joy, and passion for the faith and in teaching the congregation!

If you haven't been to a Mass here or visited, you should! 

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman 

Volkswagon Frisco - General

I may have bought my Atlas at another location but the Hendrick Volkswagon Frisco off of 121 in Frisco is one I would recommend for anyone! Whether you’re window shopping, decisive in your decision to purchase or lease, and on their service center as well as personnel throughout their facility.

Correction I was leasing my vehicle and than decided to turnover into a purchase note and they were awesome. They made a wish and need a reality especially as a single mother needing her one and only transportation. 

It’s been a few years now in servicing my vehicle at their location and I wouldn’t think of servicing anywhere else. I’ve already recommended their location various times as well as some of theiiir personnel to work with. This is a location that you won’t regret. 

Their facility is clean and welcoming and where other dealers have voltures that circle around you or tend to be like butter on bread (for lack of a better term) just to make a sale, I personally never got that feeling and that for me is another great recommendation for anyone I know.

So whether you’re just looking at the market for a new vehicle or even some of their pre-certified ones, theirs is a location you won’t regret making the move to or stopping at for any of your vehicle needs. 

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman

Family Boundaries/Rules/Respect & Motherhood (October in 2017) Finale - General/Family Life/Relationships

When I had originally created this post, my goal was to share a testimony to other ladies of how your spouse/partner shouldn’t handle things in addition to providing enlightenment of what should NOT be tolerated. I was reflective and striving to write something void of emotion and just telling a story AND describing/conveying emotion. So, trying to keep the original content in place the text that’s bolded are what I’ve now added or created.

 Family Boundaries/Rules/Respect & Motherhood (October in 2017)…CONT.

Unfortunately, my bladder didn't think it necessary to let me sleep more than after 7:30am; so there I went to use the bathroom with my daughter and husband deep asleep in their beds...I heard my husband's phone go off once while I was still in the bathroom-it had sounded like a text message. I managed to tuck myself back in bed beside my daughter and figured I would have more time to sleep. A good amount of time later my husband's phone goes off again with another text message or text messages received reminder. My husband gets up from the bed, taking his phone with him into the bathroom. The only thing I could fathom at that time was that maybe it was about work or that his family wanted to see us before everyone headed back to their regularly scheduled lives. NOPE I was being hopeful because that wasn't the case at all. It was closing in on 9am already and my husband said he was going to go meet his grandparents out in the lobby area, still thinking nothing of it I told him to tell them good morning and that if our daughter woke up, I would take her down there. In the meantime, though I was hungry I still hadn't had anything to eat or drink. Again, only the cup of coffee in the hotel room and my husband made no offer to bring me or my daughter anything as he was stepping out of the hotel room.

My husband returns to our hotel room while I'm already dressed but starting to get things picked up (as much as I possibly could without creating additional noise from the tasks). Double checking here and there so that we don't leave anything behind and I start to pack up our daughter's things after taking out her wardrobe and items to refill her baby bag and get her dressed (basically get her stuff ready for the traveling day ahead). So, he's in the room and doesn't ask just informs me that he's arranged and already asked his grandparents if he can ride with them to the service that was going to be at 10:30am, since his mother was requesting everyone this morning. I don't know if I had mentioned it before but just a minor recap - according to my husband's mother, her only request instead of receiving gifts was having her family attend service at their church the day after their wedding (Sunday). Something she's never bothered to ask of anyone before or even made a big deal about in her Sunday agenda whether she's visiting, traveling, or in her own town where she lives...that's great for her if this is a new turn around and something she wants to be doing but considering that the time for service wasn't coordinated or even mentioned prior to our departure from their home last night I was getting a little unsettled at the news. But what was worse for me, was that when this request was mentioned before I had already told my husband that it was fine for us all to attend but that our daughter and I needed to attend Mass first (as we're the ones who are practicing Catholics and active practicing religious individuals) before we were to go to the service his mother was requesting; I had even gone to the extent of finding early Masses for the convenience of HIS family. SO, now back to the hotel room...

My husband says that he can just ride to with his grandparents to the service because they said they were happy to take him since he had already asked them; as our daughter was still at that time sleeping and he wasn't going to wake her up. Mighty nice of him some would say BUT he's forgetting that our checkout is at 11am, his wife is still sick and sounds like she's getting worse, and on top of all that packing up our stuff and having to load the vehicle is also a priority before checkout. His response when I said all this was simply, "I'm finishing packing up my things right now and almost done. I can already put my stuff in the truck already and since our daughter is asleep when she wakes up you and her can just meet up with us after, my grandparents will probably be driving home after service and saying their good-bye's." I retorted sarcastically about how yes; I could do it all since I wasn't sick or felt sick and that he could go with his family because I wasn't going to be "the bad person" who didn't allow you to go to church with your family. He packed his stuff in his truck, came back to the room to leave me the truck keys, and walked out of the hotel room, not even kissing or saying bye to our daughter.

If you as the reader still don't see a problem with all of this and what's to follow, then you need a new set of life glasses and priority/moral compass. My daughter groggily awakes a little bit after my husband leaves the room but she's very lethargic and doesn't even want to move from the pillow, she's beckoning me to the bed to snuggle up with her and lay beside her not giving a care to the cartoon on the TV or the fact that her father isn't in the room with us. After about ten minutes or so, I get up from the bed and bring her things to her; give her some water, some of her fruit snacks (because I don't like administering medicine even over the counter medicine to an empty stomach), edible items she didn't really even want to eat and pushed away after eating a handful, then began changing her clothes. Once she was clothed in her outfit, she tucked herself back into the blankets and leaned against the pillow and started to close her eyes again. I felt awful because I knew we would soon have to move and walk towards the truck. I carried my luggage suitcase, my daughters luggage bag (placed on top of my luggage case), the baby backpack (loaded for the trip and day), and my photography backpack with my equipment and laptop, then my purse; of course all this in my right hand while my daughter is in my arms on my left side (mind you she was still not walking at this time). We exited the hotel towards the back exit, as we had a handicap room immediately next to the exit door and back parking. 

The back parking and exit of the hotel backed up into a semi rest stop, where the semis and their trailers parked. We walked to the truck, and it was already very hot and humid; my daughter was curled up into my arm and neck just fighting going back to sleep while I was already sweating from carting all of the stuff and making sure nothing dropped. Opened the truck and turned it on so it would start to cool off; placed my daughter into her car seat and then loaded the truck. Once I got inside the truck, I immediately locked the doors and got my seat situated for the drive. It was now 11:08am and I was searching for the nearest Catholic Mass on my iPhone through a Catholic Mass app; which at this point my husband had already texted me saying he was with his whole family and in service-with my simple response of "k". I didn't know the area we were in, nor had I ever traveled enough or to (by choice) into Louisiana period. So, the GPS was our guide, and we would be able to catch an 11:30am mass based off of the app and GPS. I looked through the rearview mirror to make sure my little one was ready to go and the look she gave me about broke my heart; I smiled and put on her classical music through the Bluetooth capability of the truck, and I could feel quiet tears roll down my cheek.

I like to think that my daughter and I had our guardian angels with us that day because of what happened from the moment we arrived at the Catholic Church's address. It was already in the mid 80s temperature wise, and my fear was that I would have to walk far with my daughter in my arms, but we managed to park ourselves in a parallel parking spot literally in front of the main entrance doors to the church. I smiled in relief and started to unbuckle my daughter. I noticed that outside the main entrance were volunteer ushers greeting those entering the church and one of them I guessed noticed me (as I was on the sidewalk and now within their view) as I climbed into the truck and climbed back down with my daughter in my arms, asking if I needed help with anything. I kindly declined, appreciating their offer but also unsure considering that I was by myself in an unknown neighborhood and location. We walked into the church, and I took notice of the layout, exits, and where the restrooms were. I needed to make sure I knew where the restroom was because I was already having a lot of congestion and problems breathing correcting through my nose that I knew I would at some point have to make a run for the restroom or especially to change the baby's diaper. That's when I noticed that the chapel was connected to the church and was used for Sunday masses as the "crying room" (basically where parents take their kids to supposedly control them or have them unwind so that the children aren't a disturbance or distraction to the rest of the congregation). We were the only ones there and I sighed once we sat down in the pew. I knew my daughter still felt sick as she didn't make a fuss about sitting against the church pew and next to me, instead of actually being in my arms like usual during Mass.

Three minutes before mass was about to begin and the chapel started to have other attendees-mostly older/elderly individuals-taking their pick of seating. My daughter took notice of three specific older people; you have to understand that my daughter is very particular and specific to who she allows touch her, into her personal space, and more importantly who she graces with her attention (whether a family member/relative). As you can imagine I was intrigued when she tried to get the attention of these three random strangers. The black man who sat behind us was alone and had a wedding band on his hand (something I took note of when he was holding onto his cane) and a veteran cap he removed upon entering the chapel. The older lady with black and white/silver highlighted hair sat diagonally behind us on our left side, she also sat by herself and did not appear to have a wedding band on. Then there was a very elderly woman who sat directly in front of us, two pews ahead of us who had silver hair in an almost beehive fashion; she too sat by herself yet had on a wedding band. Out of about the fifteen people that were in this room these were the only three people who seemed to have caught my daughter's attention. My baby kept trying to play/feed the black veteran behind us and wave at the lady in front of us, while trying to play some kind or form of peek-a-boo with the lady diagonally behind us. There was a moment during the mass that the black man tried to entertain my daughter when she was wanting to cry from having some mucus build up in her throat and nostrils; then another incident right before the transubstantiation portion of the Liturgy of the Eucharist, that had the old black man caressing her little hand that lay on my shoulder while I was kneeling. During the homily of the priest, the lady diagonally behind us was her form of entertainment to make sure she would start doing baby gibberish. The lady in front offered me tissues when I guess my sniffling became a nuisance for the majority of the beginning of the mass but then soon ran out. I remember I was at the point that I was so congested and had so much built up of mucus that I started to choke and had to stand up-not knowing what to do because no one was with me to help me with my daughter in order for me to take care of myself. 

I stood at the end of our pew towards the side exit, where I could visibly see my daughter and be within at least three giant steps of reaching her should something happen while I trying to compose myself. The black man touched my shoulder when I sat back down and whispered that he would make sure that my daughter wouldn't move so I could go get some tissues from the restroom, exactly twenty three steps away from the pew we sat in (something I counted and took note of for myself-thinking that I would be alone in the chapel). It's hard to say why but I took him up on his offer and quickly made a dash for the restroom. Grabbed the paper towels they had (not tissue) as I knew that it would be quicker for me to grab and go back to my daughter and was able to make it back through the same doors before they had even closed when I entered into the restroom. My daughter was calm and content chewing on her little Gerber puffs and trying to still handsome to the black old man behind us. I smiled in relief and as I prayed quiet tears of relief and peace came rolling down my cheeks. The older ladies both said my daughter was a special treat for them in the Mass before they departed and the older man behind us spoke to us for a few minutes before his departure. He mentioned that he was overjoyed with watching my daughter during the Mass and that since he had yet to see his newborn granddaughter (his fifth one to be exact) it only gave him more joy to be sitting behind us; that his reason for sitting by himself in Mass was because his wife was with their daughter helping with the newborn. My little one waved goodbye at all three of these random strangers and curled into the security of my arms once more while I finished my prayers and had tears running down my face.

A different usher offered to help me carry the baby bag to the vehicle as I was holding on to my daughter, but I kindly declined while smiling. Here I was by myself and all of these people out of nowhere were very easily offering to assist me and even more surprisingly, with how my daughter felt and is I was still baffled at her reaction during Mass with the strangers. I could only associate it with our guardian angels watching over us and making sure we were taken care of. Once back at the truck, I placed my daughter back into the car seat and quickly climbed into the driver seat, locking the doors and getting situated. By this time, I had two missed calls from my husband and three texts waiting to be opened on my cell phone. Apparently, all of his family had departed their separate ways post their religious service, and he was with his middle brother at a Cracker Barrel. I called my husband to let him know that I was out of Mass and about to drive but needed the address in order for me to even know where I was going. The moment I left the church parking lot my baby fell fast asleep, and I was starving like crazy-it was 12:50pm...

The part that gets to me the most is that through this entire day my husband doesn't react in the manner in which I assumed he was going to or in the way my expectation of a HUSBAND should. He's married now and his first and only priority (as he made the promise and vow at our wedding) was that he was to always take care and cherish us-WE, my daughter and I are to take precedence over his extended family members and yes even his mother. They like referring to scripture so much, well the same scripture we chose at our wedding was re-read at his mother's wedding; stating how the woman and man leave their homes and make a new home, leaving behind that which they knew. So a good mother would have reminded his son, "it's ok I know your wife and baby girl are sick let's do church together another time," or "if baby girl isn't awake then don't worry, you shouldn't leave them by themselves since baby girl is still sick," or something along the lines of "you're married now son, thank you for trying to come with us to church service but I know that my grandbaby isn't awake and your wife will be needing the help." Whether it was in consideration of me or not, take the mother or mother-in-law portion out of it, a good grandmother who sincerely cared for their grandchild would have the GRAND DAUGHTERS' NEEDS before her own. From this day forward is why I only call that woman "grandma" in front of my daughter for my daughter's sake and use words like my "husband's mother" or when I talk to my husband directly "your mother."

Oh, but don't worry my husband wasn't off the hook by any means because almost the entire drive home that day we were at odds and there's no one to blame except himself. I had warned and stated concerns prior to our departure to this wedding. We had one of our biggest arguments, yet where yelling was involved and even, I suspect, if he was given the opportunity might've hit me in frustration since he hit his vehicle's middle console pretty damn hard. Amazingly and thankfully enough, our daughter was so exhausted and sick that she was asleep for almost all of it, except when she woke up at our pit stop and saw/felt her mommy crying (again)...

Also, for the record, my husband finally took us to CareNow the following morning (the Monday after our trip to his mother's wedding) and our daughter was on the verge of bronchitis where I already had it, the main reason why I couldn't shake my symptoms...so let me tell you never again and I know now what I have to do for the betterment of my family.

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman

Family Boundaries/Rules/Respect & Motherhood (October in 2017) Pt 2 - General/Family Life/Relationships

When I had originally created this post, my goal was to share a testimony to other ladies of how your spouse/partner shouldn’t handle things in addition to providing enlightenment of what should NOT be tolerated. I was reflective and striving to write something void of emotion and just telling a story AND describing/conveying emotion. So, trying to keep the original content in place the text that’s bolded are what I’ve now added or created.

 Family Boundaries/Rules/Respect & Motherhood (October in 2017)…CONT.

Friday before the wedding and our daughter didn't wake up until about close to lunch time (another big sign that she wasn't feeling well or herself because that little one was always an early riser) in a very snuggly and passive mood. My husband loaded up his truck, and we started our drive-thankfully he was nice enough not to push our drive or rush us into getting there. My daughter and I immediately fell asleep before we even got out of the north DFW area. When we woke up, it was to make a brief stop to stretch, I was able to change our daughter’s diaper and have some Starbucks. After the pit stop our daughter settled back into her car seat and a little bit into the drive, she fell back asleep, but I was worried with her harsh breathing...I stayed awake this time until we got to the hotel. Late afternoon and we checked into the hotel so we could get settled and my little one could be comfortable. My husband took us to a seafood restaurant for dinner and we took our time. I continued to feel miserable and even when we were eating, I spent more time blowing my nose and dealing with a heated congestion that I wasn't completely able to appreciate the seafood plate I had ordered. Early evening is when we finally arrived at my husband's mother’s house (where his mother moved into her boyfriend’s place and where the wedding was also to take place). My husband's grandparents weren't there as they had spent most of the day helping to set up and decorate so they had already retired to their hotel room. With the night lights out and on, I must provide credit where it was due and they made it a very nice area for the wedding. The interesting part was that it was almost the same theme as my husband and our wedding, the theme and coloring style – fruit for thoughts.

Where our wedding was a classy country rustic theirs was plain outdoor country rustic period, but the burlap and its uses were the same, they had lanterns like my sister used at our reception, and the signs used another similar if not same idea - especially a "LOVE" sign. Regardless though, come Saturday it would be nice wedding from the looks of it. We met blood relatives from my husband's mother's finance's side of the family - as if they were staying as guests in the house. My husband's mother was amiable and nice, but it only left me more on edge as the little drama from earlier in the week hadn't been resolved or clarified (I wasn't going to have this crap appear up again later in our lives if it wasn't addressed now). There were minor conversations about what was to occur tomorrow (the day of the wedding) and a quickly suggested timeline of events for the wedding. I was then asked especially before we left to our hotel room for the night, to assist in creating the bridal bouquet. So, the clock started rolling to about 10pm and it was time to go to bed, especially for my baby. Tomorrow would be another day, and we would see how it went...

Saturday morning arrived and the weather was ridiculously hot already with a good amount of humidity. The highs in temperature didn't look pretty for the day nor during the actual ceremony time...I got up to use the restroom and recalled how peaceful my daughter had slept. I had another night of little sleep as I was vigilant for her breathing. My husband and daughter remained in bed sleeping, until a phone call woke him up. I figured it was either his grandmother or mother, as his response prompted me to assume that as he stated, "we're not going to rush or wake her up right now, but once she wakes up and we finish getting her ready then we will head over there." I was pleased with his response, but I would soon realize that being pleased would be short lived. I was already getting the ironing board out and getting my outfit as well as my daughter's outfit ready for the wedding. I wasn't going to worry about his outfit as he said he had it covered. It must have been his mom because he provided information as to what we were doing and about what time our daughter may wake up. I applied my makeup (literally only mascara and lip), then got the baby bag ready, and organized my photography bag as well. As we were not planning on spending more than necessary funds on this trip, we did not attend or go for the breakfast that the hotel offered as it would be an additional charge. I had expected for my husband to be in the thinking process of "Oh gee, I know my daughter might be a little hungry when she wakes up and my wife is already awake so I know she's hungry if not starving-I'm going to go out for a little mini food errand and bring them back something." NOPE! That would require too much thought and courtesy and apparently that's not where my husbands mind was. I wasn't rude or unpleasant but I was visibly not happy. The only thing the hotel room had to offer me was coffee or tea and the last fruit juice from our driving pit stop but I was saving that for our daughter when she woke up-as she always wakes up thirsty.

We arrived at around the timeframe that my husband's mother had mentioned to us to be at their house. The only pit stop we made was to the nearest Starbucks that was in route from the hotel to my husband's mother's finance's house. Got a breakfast sandwich and a venti coffee to satisfy my stomach for a little bit. Close to noon and the only individuals at the house were my husband's mother and her girlfriend who was prepping her to get ready for the ceremony (doing her hair and makeup), my husband's middle brother's girlfriend who was finishing some minor last touches while her boyfriend went out to get them lunch. So, my "brother-in-law" had the mindset to go get him and the woman he was with something...moving on! My husband's grandparents were still resting at the hotel and getting ready (which was definitely understandable considering that they were the bride's parents AND elderly (a courtesy mind you that was not offered to my parents-not because of the elderly situation but because of the fact that they were the bride's parents).

No one else was there...the family members that were staying at the house on the groom's side had all ventured to the football game that one of the groomsmen boys was playing in, in addition, my husband's youngest brother was also in attendance, along WITH the groom. Now see this was something I just couldn't understand...First of all, these boys are not in the years of "commitment to the sport" - meaning they weren't juniors or seniors that depended on these games for the future careers or even venturing to please scouts of some kind in attendance for the start of their careers in sports or even a freakin scholarship. Considering that it was a wedding and not just some event or special occasion I couldn't fathom or comprehend how this was ok-especially considering that they would be arriving from the game close to the ceremony timeframe-granted that men don't take long to get ready; it's the principal and etiquette altogether. I remember feeling sorry for my husband's mother regardless of everything. She was still a Bride to be, and it was her wedding-how this was acceptable to me was not clear. That wasn't all though-the groom's family wasn't even adequately dressed for a wedding. Wedding guests dressed better and had more respect for the wedding event than the groom's family members. I understand that it was his second marriage and her third/fourth marriage but still-respect and courtesy for the day of the wedding! What I thought was the worst part of all was after everyone got ready from coming back from the football game, the damn television was turned on to the stupid college football-which delayed people going outside for the ceremony to even begin; the television was turned back on immediately after the ceremony as if the day was just a fourth of July picnic or family reunion, instead of what it was-a WEDDING!

I made sure to take the "before pictures" of everything that was laid out and done, prior to the commencement of the ceremony and wedding altogether. Everything just seemed to be very unorganized, even on this day. I helped to layout the aisle runner (for the ground) with my husband's grandmother's husband as the final touch before the ceremony was about to begin. Before the ceremony was about to begin (delaying it only briefly) my husband's mother requested for all her family to be together in the master bedroom for a "pray over" of the bride led by the bride's best friend's mother, right before the start of the wedding ceremony. Also, something that was not provided for my wedding-that I had deeply wanted. The procession line was being created in the moment and that's how people moved forward. My husband's mother was saying for her second's son girlfriend to join her son in the wedding line (but she was smart enough or at least knew etiquette) that unless she's married to him or a part of the groomsmen or bridesmaids (which neither were presented or selected); she declined and joined the rest of the guests that were already seated. This is where I found it confusing and upsetting for me. All of a sudden my husband's mother wanted our daughter to be held in the youngest son's arms as part of the procession line; I was expecting my husband to decline as we had originally agreed that she would be nicely seated in his grandparents arms on the bench-this way she didn't get over heated to provoke more or another high fever and have her nicely and quietly settled. Instead, my husband handed our daughter over to his brother since my hands were full of the camera equipment.

Fine ok, I let it slide and move on...either she's obtuse enough in the moment because it's her wedding day or dumb enough to ask if I'll be walking down the aisle in the procession line with my husband. I kindly reminded her that I was going to be taking pictures of the wedding. Then she decided to walk down the aisle on my husband's arm...supposedly just a few weeks even days before this same woman had vocalized to her eldest son (my husband) that she was thinking of walking down the aisle by herself since she didn't want to have to choose between her biological father giving her away or her current stepfather (married to her biological mother), that it wouldn't be fair to either of them if she just chose one. My thought process and what I even told my husband at that time was, "why doesn't she just walk down with both." It's not a formal wedding as it's being done in their back yard so why not have both her "fathers" walk her down the aisle. Then about two weeks before the wedding she calls my husband yet again still talking about who to walk her down the aisle...that she didn't want to choose between one of her boys to walk her down the aisle because she couldn't just pick one of the three...so of course it's baffling to me that she decides to walk down the aisle with my husband (her oldest).

This sudden decision from the woman who hasn't once publicly posted on her social media how proud and happy she is of her eldest son (as she has done countless times with her other two boys), doesn't post pictures of her and my husband (even in past photos they've taken together) as she's done her other two sons - again COUNTLESS times; worse still, since the first time I entered her home and now her new permanent home, has she made visible or even printed herself pictures of my husband, our daughter, or the three of us as she has plastered everywhere the pictures of her soon to be husband's boys/her and her second and youngest son, of herself and her fiancé, or just the four boys in general (soon to be husband's boys and her second and youngest son.)

I recall so vividly, even now as I'm writing this entry post, how her little face kept looking for mine everywhere I was walking throughout the property and during the entire ceremony. I remember her eyes finding mine and giving me her pleading look, knowing that the same look in the picture I took of her, is the look she provides me when the trusting me to secure her/help her in whatever she was needing; although, because of her involvement and my photo taking I didn't just swoop in and grab her. No like an idiot I kept doing what I was doing so that my word could be honored for what I said I was going to commit to. Even if almost his whole family was making fun at my newfound passion for photography and to make a go of it...but that's irrelevant and perhaps another post story. Although they all liked my photos enough to ensure print outs and canvas enlargements! Anyway, moving along...

Long story short about the ceremony portion; I took pictures throughout and kept an eye on my daughter while doing it, because my husband sure wasn't. His grandmother was the one who caught a glimpse of my hand signals to double check on our daughter as I noticed that her cheeks were getting super red - something I was trying my damnedest to avoid. A little warm was fine but it was damn hot outside that day! On top of everything else she hadn't really had anything solid to eat and the time was closing on her medication time...

 

My husband was finally smart enough to decipher my facial expression when the ceremony ended, and I started packing all of the camera material as well as the few baby items I had out, so that we could leave. I made sure that no one could decipher or indicate how upset I really was. With the reception starting my husband's mother was more concerned with getting a picture with our daughter along with one of her old friends instead of paying attention to the fact that I said we were going to see if she would eat before we headed to the hotel. When I'm ignored twice I take action, especially with my daughter, so I basically had to snatch my daughter out of her arms because the woman was trying to coax a smile out of her for the picture (along with my husband beside here seeing it all). I pulled her out of her arms without explanation and when I was asked I literally answered, "with how she's feeling I'm not going to have her taking stupid pictures instead of feeding her and taking care of her, it's too hot out here." 

I made my way back into the awfully dirty home with all the guests and made a quick plate for my little one, finding a semi quiet and cool spot in the house; everywhere was crowded and hot. I still felt a little sorry for my husband's mother, as a good portion of guests had the television back on with the stupid college football game again...short lived I assure you. One of the dumbest and rudest things I ever did see-even rich people have more education as to use their own electronics without a display of informality towards an event such as this!

Our daughter managed a few bites but was super tired and thirsty; we (my daughter and I) said our goodbye's and my husband decides to join in and takes it upon himself to comment that after our daughter is rested, we would return to spend time with the newly married couple. The silence between my husband and I as we drove to the hotel was deafening and he made no stop to get her or any food or perhaps something better for how we were feeling...we arrived at the hotel room, I proceeded to get our daughter situated and when I began preparing her for her nap after her meds, my husband had the good sense to go and get us some food. I was surprised and relieved...we ate in silence while the hotel room television was on and our daughter slept. It was like that for a while...until our daughter woke up. It was late by the time she woke up and close to 8pm-the irony was that my husband's grandparents were arriving from the reception to their hotel room and were able to pass by our room and see our daughter freshly awake and rejuvenated from her nap. Our daughter was in a much happier mood, and it was very noticeable! Once they left our hotel room we got ready to go back to the newly married couple.

When we arrived at the couples house there was only a handful of people left over from the reception and I made a decision then that depending on our daughter I wouldn't rush to leave back to our hotel regardless of the time as she had a good long nap and I knew that my husband would want to spend some time with his family. At least that was my assumption but in reality, he spent more time with his youngest brother playing basketball while our daughter and I were with the handful of individuals relaxing in seats out on the couple's patio. We ended up leaving at a reasonably late hour, allowing me enough time to shower and do the nightly routine of getting the little one ready for bed. I had her situated and asleep in bed by around midnight and I was snuggled up next to her and relaxing a little after 1am. It wasn't a restful night as I stayed vigilant with our daughter in case, she had mucus and boogie problems, thankfully we had removed as much of the mucus with the nose suction prior to her falling asleep, so she fell into a deep sleep. I closed my eyes with the relief that the worst emotions of emotions were over and subsided because the day ended along with them! That was the hopeful thought process anyway, until Sunday that is... 

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman

Family Boundaries/Rules/Respect & Motherhood (October in 2017) Pt 1 - General/Family Life/Relationships

When I had originally created this post, my goal was to share a testimony to other ladies of how your spouse/partner shouldn’t handle things in addition to providing enlightenment of what should NOT be tolerated. I was reflective and striving to write something void of emotion and just telling a story AND describing/conveying emotion. So, trying to keep the original content in place the text that’s bolded are what I’ve now added or created.

Family Boundaries/Rules/Respect & Motherhood (October in 2017)

This month was a mixture of emotions, as it was not only my daughter’s birthday month but evidently also my husband's mother's wedding. You might very well be assuming that the mixture of emotions is all more in the context of joy, tears of joy, and good memories - but sadly its WAY worse and nothing close to joy. Allow me to start…

My oldest will be turning one and I had thought about throwing a birthday party but then, realistically she won't care nor will she remember the event due to the age in which she would be turning. Some people might enjoy planning out and spending money or a good amount of money on their child's first birthday, however I think it's a little pointless. As I have previously stated in another post, the one year old won't be remembering their birthday and will only be able to rely on pictures (if even developed or placed into an album for them to view); so why would you go through the elaborate birthday cake and planning of specifics when the event/party is more for the adults than the child, let’s be honest. Whether society realizes this fact or not, to each their own, but your child won't think or feel any better or worse towards you regardless of what they do for their first birthday. So, in my mind I felt that something more heartfelt and meaningful for a little girl and her birthday, would be to receive also something heartfelt and meaningful. I had already created for my daughter a little keepsake box for her special things, firsts, and cards-this would be something she can look through for herself when she's of an adequate age. This keepsake box would play a role in what she would be getting for her first birthday from the entire family. I took the time, over a course of two months, to create and make an hour’s video of my daughter's first year of life, which would in turn be a gift to everyone in the family along with a letter. The letter with this DVD of her first year of life had instructions on what they should give my daughter for her first birthday. Obviously, anyone could give her more or in addition to something else (meaning something tangible such as toys, clothes, etc.) but the purpose was for everyone to write her a letter that she would open when she's twelve; a sort of written now for her future self from her family members. Considering that I'm playing catch up on posts, let's just say that to this day I've not received a single letter from anyone (not even from my side of the family) ...still disappointed every time I think about it but anyway!

To make matters worse my daughter was still ill (so was I) from having been sick for almost two weeks prior; so even if I had wanted to just do something small I couldn’t. In addition, my husband (at the time) and my traveling plans were put on hold for October because of how sick we got and what it entailed but more importantly what transpired from it (hence the plentiful array of bad emotions).

A little detour and backstory: When I had met my husband and we started dating, we had at least a good two full days of conversation about family ideologies and what we envisioned a family should be as well as looking/conversing about our own families (I made note of things like a hawk). I remember writing my notes and being shocked at how un-feeling he talked about his mom-it's what would make me think twice about my relationship with him; you know, "how a man treats his mom is how he'll treat his wife" generally speaking of course because it’s also not the case. Well in this case it's more like, "how he talks about his mom is how he'll talk about his wife" no matter how well the woman really is. He talked about her relationships and how he had to help her a few times because she didn't always know how to pick them, or she would live with one guy and then another in the next relationship. At one point I remember right after our date how disrespectful he had spoken of his mom and the name he had called her. He said, "it's sad to say and a bad word to use but that's how my mom is. She's nice and loves her parents but when it comes to relationships and my mom...she is one of those people." I remember before I had officially met his mom that if he said she was coming to "visit him" I soon realized it wasn't to actually spend time with my husband, but more for her convenience to the fact that she wanted to go out to the bar or meet someone (meaning either had a date or was meeting with another girlfriend in the Dallas area.) Basically, somewhere free to stay so she didn't have to pay for a hotel. Hadn't even met the woman and I was already not having a good feeling in my stomach...I remember always taking mental notes because since the first day I had met his grandparents (his maternal grandmother and the grandmother’s husband), my husband always seemed to have a soft change in demeanor and stance when it came to those older individuals; altogether a different way about his grandparents that he was comfortable and at ease. He was more himself and it showed. Even meeting the Grandmother I knew that I would be able to communicate and get along with her; maybe but heads on ideas if that came up but regardless, she seemed to know where responsibilities and priorities lay-well to an extent.

Why do I mention all this? It provides the roots to why I felt and reacted the way and in the mannerisms I did. I mean my husband’s mother would be entering into her third marriage, with a man that she had dated for about a year and were already living together for at least off and on (because she still had her place) for about maybe four months prior to the wedding. By Labor Day weekend after my husband and my wedding, they were engaged and did everything in a month to get married in October, all in the same year. I’ll also nip in the butt any of you weirdos thinking I was jealous of my husbands mother OR of her marriage-I can hold my hand on the Bible and even have my other hand in the fire and know I’m saying the truth with my response of “I was never jealous nor did I ever feel that she was ‘stealing my wedding thunder” considering the coincidental timeframe of it all. So now that I’ve answered you on that, moving on!

My daughter wasn’t walking yet as she was months only (thankfully in my mind) and my husband’s mother had openly mentioned to us (my husband and I) how she would have loved to have our daughter as her flower girl. One mention with my present and the remainder conversations of his mother’s impromptu and whirlwind wedding was typically discussed via phone and only with my husband it seems or in general the “organizing” was being done all via phone. There was one specific conversation I remember my husband telling me which was in regards to his mom having a hard time choosing who to walk her down the aisle as her father would be there but her mom's husband was also a huge father figure and presence in her life; to my knowledge and understanding before we even ended up traveling to Shreveport, was that my husband’s mother had decided she would be walking down the aisle by herself because she didn't want to choose between her sons either on who would be walking her down the aisle. For a slight minute or at least on hearing that relayed story, I was proud of the woman’s sense and consideration.

The first week of October arrived and at the beginning of the week (prior to the wedding weekend) my little one went from healthy and fine to sick with a high fever. The moment I saw that six hours into a day had still not taken away her fever, but it was erratic I knew that whatever was ailing her was going to take its course and it was going to be a hard one. I mentioned to my husband, "you need to let your family know already that our daughter is getting sick, in case we won't make it to the wedding." His response was nonchalant and dismissive with a "we'll see how she is tomorrow and then I'll let them know, there's still plenty of time for her to get better and we can still leave.” I held my momma bear temper reaction in check and agreed with him. Into that night after the good thirteen hour day had passed, I kept watch and was vigilant of our daughter as her mood had already begun to change; her demeanor wasn't as giddy or chipper or remotely half of what her typical energy is - and if anyone knows my daughter then they know when she shows that many changes somethings not right. It was already a long day with Tylenol not helping and her doing her best to fight whatever it was, to top it off because of my vigilance of her I woke up feeling off, in fear of not enough rest I started the quick home remedies to prevent getting sick myself and trying to stay ahead of a curve that might be thrown my way. My husband seemed still adamant on ensuring our presence and attendance to the wedding regardless as I was relaying to him how the little one was doing. His reaction and response made me tighten my lip about myself, so I wasn't going to mention to him that I was feeling off yet until I knew for sure I was getting sick instead of maybe just being tired from caring for the little one. My minor concern (more so because I’m a woman of my word) was that I had offered to be the photographer at my husband’s mother's wedding-I figured I could tackle that dilemma later should it be an issue.

My daughter didn't have a fever anymore (thank goodness) BUT she was tired from her running nose, congestion, coughing, and just wanted mommy most of the time. Unfortunately, I was already starting to feel like she did - sick and miserable but noticing that my husband wasn't taking care of us nor trying to help more at home for both our sakes and seemed to only be treating out symptoms to get things over with; "just give her this and she should be better, she should be fine tomorrow after taking this..." I remember so vividly that I wanted to punch him in the face and say "get out" a few times. I saw him not taking care of us just "watching over us" and that was my last straw because we weren’t improving and began to ask me questions about the trip! I took the initiative and group messaged via text his mother and grandmother letting them know that my baby wasn't well at all and I wasn't going to be risking her health, especially on a trip where other people would be present (more germs and pollen and heat). The second ironic occurrence (and my belief of a sign to not attend this wedding) was that during all of this with the little one being sick and my trying not to be sick, my husband’s mother and I were in a conflict of sorts-a conflict I might add that SHE began because she made an inaccurate and false accusation based on an assumption.

You see also prior to this upcoming wedding weekend to take place, apparently my husband’s mother stated that she didn't need gifts she was only wanting for her family to attend church with her and her soon to be new husband come Sunday morning after their Saturday wedding. I kept my rude and snarky comments to myself at that time and didn't mention to my husband what I was thinking because there wasn't a need to. Yet I thought it comical that she wanted to not only attend church on Sunday but to make sure her family was there, when she's never done that on a regular normal Sunday "service" day, either when in town or out of town and throughout the entire upbringing of her three sons from three different men...her three sons have stated to me (including her own mother) that she had never been consistent with her faith or attendance to church. I believe that religion and faith are a must in life and that's fine if a woman who was never adamant about it before wants to be now, however you can't all of a sudden expect this of your family or at least of the son whose wife has explained that doesn't and can't attend service outside of her faith and beliefs. Hey if the woman was turning over a new leaf GREAT! Good for her, but build your faith life and it’s consistency before you going on dragging family to your requests…My husband’s expression when he had vocalized his mother's request to me was joyful so I said nothing at the time and just commented, "that's nice, we will just have to coordinate because remember I have to attend Mass first especially if we're going to be going with them to her church service." His response was complacent with a "I know and that's fine, I'll just let my mom know. I don't know why you have to but that's fine." So, to make sure that we had the details in ADVANCE and I could plan accordingly (even though I was also still having a sick baby) on what Mass my daughter and I would attend before her church service with the family.

Her and I were in communication via text but I made the error of typing and forwarding information to who I thought was my husband, on the details of what I had coordinated with his mother. The error wasn't in ANYTHING stated or mentioned in the text (except for a line that stated I was finishing a bowel movement in the restroom) it was in the who, of where the text got sent to; his mother. Realizing my error I sent it to my husband right after and thought everything was fine, until about five minutes after a received a curt text from my husband’s mother stating how I shouldn't gossip or talk about her to another person and if I was then to make sure who it was being sent to. So, the drama began...that entire day was ruined because of a woman's ill accusation from an assumption, and her own low self-esteem and selfish self-image (to be quite frank). I responded stating exactly what had happened and that I had never talked about her to anyone nor did I ever gossip about anyone nor would I start. She never responded. Twenty minutes later, when my husband, our daughter, and I are loaded into the vehicle to enjoy our day, my husband’s mother calls him directly. She's apparently crying and telling him what occurred, I hear him state "no mom you're not a bad mother or grandmother" (which is open to opinion if you ask me) then hangs up a few minutes after that. I figured she was just venting to her son but the moment he states, not asks or questions to find out the details; just blatantly states, "so you apparently were talking bad about my mom to someone else and accidentally sent it to her directly." Our argument ensued right after that, (thankfully our daughter was already asleep in her car seat since she had meds) because I had already told him before we left the house what had happened but he all of a sudden forgot the moment his mommy calls crying, then he also forgets that HE was the one who told me, "don't worry about it babe, my mom can be dramatic and sometimes a drama queen and you didn't do anything wrong so don't worry about it. Let's go enjoy our day." Towards the end of our argument, I just simply said, "I sent you the snapshots of your mother and my texts, so you have it on record what was said. Also, if you read it, nowhere in that text is there anything negative about your mother AND on another note what does her accusation about me have anything to do with being a bad mother or grandmother?" My husband looked at his phone, while driving, at the images I had sent him then shakes his head and says, "yea don't worry about it I don't know where my mom is going with that."

How was I supposed to enjoy any day when my daughters sick but we’re seeing how her energy is at HIS demand, I’m under the weather, and the frosting on top right now is that now I’m being accused of not being a good Christian woman. I decided to provide the closure that maybe, I thought, my husband’s mother needed. I sent a simple, respectful, and precise text that stated I apologized for any hurt feelings as that wasn't the intention but as she could see if she re-read the texts I sent that I was never speaking ill of her in any way. Shoot, if I really was a bad woman I would spill the beans of how the entire time I was dating her son and even before we got married, I was the one telling him "be respectful to your mom, have you talked to your mom to see how she's doing, or don't answer or talk about your mom like that-she's still your mom regardless of her life choices (these last words are the ones my husband likes to use now when convenient for him in regards to his own disagreement/s with his mother);  this new found respect or "soft" side towards his mother was something I vocalized to him that I guess he’s doing because of our daughter perhaps, who knows!

We went about our day only to find about two hours later a long ass text from my husband’s mother on received. She went on and on about how her feelings were hurt and that she knew she’d made errors and that I may not like her as well as have made comments in the past that hurt her feelings, but that I shouldn't judge her. After reading it all and before my response I was literally baffled and said out loud "what the fuck?" My husband heard me astonished that I would even curse that word and especially in front of our daughter (as I've always been big on NO curse words since I was dating him). I told him and showed him her text stating, "what the hell is she even talking about? All of that from a simple coordination text this morning?!" My husband (with the male mind he has) just said for me to let it go or that it would just blow over after the wedding; him not realizing that not responding would either issue another false accusation on her end towards me OR worse make an even bigger dramatic theatre about it. I responded to her text in a methodical way clarifying and verifying; then I simply stated that I didn't think it would be best for our attendance TO HER wedding until this supposed issue was resolved and it had to be done via phone not text anymore. Showed my husband my response and I told him why I wouldn't go to the wedding until I spoke to his mom-he never could understand the reasoning behind why it would hinder our attendance at the wedding. Do you see the significance of the way I handled and dealt with this? Didn't hear from her until the next day and it was via text still...I saved all the snapshots of that text drama because it was the most ridiculously wasted time of my life (among others).

With all that being said, I took all that was occurring as a subtly sign that this really wasn't a good idea for us to be going to the wedding, especially when finally my luck was done for and I was officially sick. It's now Thursday before the wedding and I've expressed my concern to my husband about his mom's situation but more importantly how I'm feeling sick now, and that our daughter hasn't improved-on the contrary just seems to be on autopilot and even her appetite is minimal with all her congestion. I suggest taking her to CareNow instead of her actual doctor's so they can provide something quick since there was still time...he didn't give a damn he was still more focused on the damn wedding coming up saying, "I know you don't want to go to the wedding but she'll be fine you two just need to rest." I asked him to take us to CareNow because with me being out of my job health insurance was never his priority and never tried getting it for us. I remember just moving along with my day and not wasting my breath on something that was not going to change even seeing how my little one’s demeanor was...

I even suggested for him to just go be at his mother’s wedding and that I would have my aunt or sister look after us; as is I don’t like being a “witness” to marriage ceremonies because it’s a big deal and if I don’t feel that the individuals wedding are meant to be married or that I don’t even know the individuals well enough – I didn’t like being in attendance for the wedding. His only response was simply "I'm not going to the wedding by myself, we either all go or we all stay. Apparently I'm supposed to rest and get better when I'm taking care of our daughter, packing for her and myself just in case for the three days and two nights, still feed us and take care of house chores especially since we would be returning and my husband would practically turn around and leave for something he had going on out of town for what he claimed was “work” and I would be by myself.

I was upset at my husband and his damn mother, aggravated at my husband’s inability to see what was going on in front of him, sad that we had expressed vows not even long before about love and cherish and taking care of each other, disappointed that he was more caught up on his own family crap that he wasn't even willing to take our daughter to CareNow, worried for my daughter because I had already gone through so much with her when she was born and she had never gotten sick until now, disillusioned at my husband in what I thought he understand of my faith and actually being a family, pissed that he didn't realize the severity or importance of the same scriptures he chose for our wedding in regards to HIS now immediate family coming first and everything else is second...there's no need to go on because these emotions are only the beginning and soon explode to the max during this whole damn weekend wedding.

Friday morning arrived...I now felt like crap physically from feeling sick and even my daughter didn't look any better, on the contrary she was even more tired and lethargic from when her symptoms started. I couldn't go back to sleep and decided to continue moving forward through the day and let her sleep off the meds. Without telling my husband I took the initiative again and texted my husband’s mother and grandmother letting them know that my daughter wasn't any better and that it might be that we would either not attend at all or just arrive and leave the same day as the wedding. The grandmother's response stated prayers for her to get better and that whatever is best for her to get better. His mother's response stated prayers but basically, “hope you can still make it as I would love to have her part of the ceremony.” Yes, because THAT'S the focus of what I'm doing...my husband is downstairs and when he sees me, he asks how our daughter is doing and how I am. I literally tell him now that I feel like shit and how our daughter was through the night because I was keeping vigil of her throughout the night. I let him know what I sent his mother and grandmother and his response was immediate irritation; that I should have just waited until tomorrow to let them know, is what he told me. That our daughter could still change tomorrow and be better and we would still be able to attend and that all I had to say was that I didn't want to go to the wedding and we wouldn't go. I blew at that moment not only because of what he was saying but his facial expression as well. "If I wasn't planning or wanting to go to your mother's wedding then why in the hell would I waste time packing everything for our daughter as if we were going to leave regardless of her being sick and also my luggage? And unlike you and your family I'm not going to wait until the last minute, especially for a wedding to let someone know important information. Also, I'm supposed to be taking photos at your mom’s wedding so why would I have offered to still do so if I didn't or wasn't going to be going? You're forgetting I haven't rested since our daughter started getting sick and now, I feel like shit. So yes, my not wanting to go to the wedding is the reason [insert sarcasm]." His expression changed and he started to be all soft and sweet-but I had had enough. I made a decision to myself at that moment, that I wasn't going to hold my tongue or my decisions in the moment (especially regarding his family and any stupid drama caused by his mother and his family, as is the previously mentioned drama of his mother wasn’t even resolved yet either). By this time my family knew that my daughter wasn't doing so well and my mom expressed concern for going to the trip (even if a minimal distance from our house)-I had to white lie to cover my husband’s ass because he didn't care about getting us better it was more a matter of what he had said to his family and already agreed to with his mother. Against my better judgement there we go to Shreveport.

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman