"...women should adorn themselves with proper conduct, with modesty and self control, not with braided hairstyles and gold ornaments, or pearls, or expensive clothes, but rather, as befits women who profess reverence for God, with good deeds."
1 Timothy 2: 9-10
Yes I know not the best title but I figured it would tweak enough curiosity or interest in today's world, just be forewarned that some religious tone is involved in this post. So if religious ideas, opinions, or tone isn't your thing or you don't believe in religion, this may not be the post for you. This may turn out to be a lengthy post and perhaps a controversial one at that...this isn't for the weak of mind, intellect, and open mindedness, also apologies on any crudeness used in this post. I will state that my tone isn't meant to be judgmental (because I'm not) but critical so please know the difference. I’m a passionate person altogether so don’t misconstrue my passion, for “hate” because it’s not and sometimes my words get away from me. I do feel strongly about what this post is about and should be something every women should be aware of otherwise I fear for our daughters and future women.
I won't make the mistake in generalizing every female to be a lady so I'm just going to use the term "women"; same goes for males, I won't generalize by assuming that all men are "gentlemen" or educated with etiquette of some kind, but that they are "men". This entire post applies to all ages and all scenarios as well, whether your status financially has you as a poor person or as the richest person in the world. Please also note that this post doesn't specifically callout one religion but perhaps intertwines some Christianity.
Being a mother of two, I'm continually looking at the world with as much of an unbiased nature as I possibly can. What does that mean? Well, I will try to look at both sides of the story-the pros and cons-as well as put myself in the opposite point of view or scenario. However when it comes to modesty, dignity, and the self respect of a female I firmly believe that there's only one aspect that's correct and needed in society. I mean have you seen some of the clothes out there for little girls!?! No way in hell I would let me daughters where half of some of wardrobe out there. Don't even get me started on women who are moms and above the age of thirty-five, still trying to dress as if they're eighteen! There's just some things after a certain age you a person just shouldn't be wearing! Which reminds me...
Side note: Women PLEASE dress your age! You're getting older, get over it, gravity takes it's course and wrinkles on your face will appear as they will symbolically represent the stories behind the years. I've heard it said that the more wrinkles you have means that you must have smiled and laughed a lot in your life. If they statement were indeed true than why would you want to try and cover those face lines-the ones that display joy and happiness. Why must you bother to attempt to "look less old" when you can simply just embrace the changes, take your precautions with a natural skincare and create a new line of fashion trend for your age group. If you are over the age of twenty-five, stop dressing like your back in high school all over again! Or at least save that for the bedroom ;) for your husband (significant other). Dress appropriately for your age-I don't mean you have to be dressing like you're a grandmother in her 80s but you sure as hell don't have to be dressing like a young skank/tramp (regardless if you have the body for it)! If you're a woman who picks out clothing that DOESN'T fit you, PLEASE STOP! Society for some reason has demonstrated that it's ok to wear something that's two sizes smaller than what you should be wearing! NO IT IS NOT OK! I would hear or use to say, "just use common sense" but it seems now a days that's in extreme short supply no matter where you live...PLEASE just pay attention to what you're wearing and what it provokes or represents, because whether you know it or not someone is watching you; somewhere or someone believes you to be an influence, so take the time and make sure your image is a positive one...yes I know a little bit of a long squirrel comment from what I'm making this post to be about, so apologies and I shall digress on this...
So let me ask you women, are you tugging at your dress conscientious that it might start revealing your ass or that when you get up from sitting down you have to pull down your dress some because you feel the dress is sticking to your ass because of how short it is? What about your skirts or shorts? Are you doing the same thing to those two clothing items all the time as well? Or lets talk about your tops; are you a well attributed busty woman and purposely choose tops that you'll continue to be pulling up, whether its your tank top/V-neck/scoop neck. I understand that some woman are bustier than others and that it might require a certain clothing alteration in general-if you are one of those bustier women, I can comprehend your dilemma and your aren't the ones targeted in this post, however make sure that you don't use your bust as an excuse to almost have your breast hanging out of your top...if you answered yes to ANY or ALL of what I just said then this post is most definitely for you! I understand and comprehend that every female has different body builds and physiques and that the shape of their body dictates the type of clothing used or bought. So the biggest question is, do you pick and/or buy your clothing with modesty of dress and self dignity as well as self worth, in mind?
I'm truly baffled in seeing how many young females or little girls from the ages of 14 and under, are basically dressing up like little hoes/sluts. What's worse is that the mother is aware and lets them leave the their homes dressed that way or worse is the one purchasing the clothing for them! I know what's being sold at the department stores for this age group doesn't help, but that shouldn't be used as an excuse or a scapegoat. Here's an example; I go to Mass every Sunday and my mentally is that, "oh we're in a place of worship and reverence so inappropriate dress should be of no concern." Sadly that's where sometimes I see the most females (both young and old) in the skimpiest of outfits. What's more disconcerting in this observation is that the young females/little girls are sometimes similar or worse than their mother's who are also in turn dressed up in the skimpiest of outfits. I'm already a person who likes to observe so, I began to take note-but the repetitive cycle of observation became apparent every Sunday. Then as the seasons changed things didn't seem to improve and yes that includes even the cold weather! My observations brought me to the conclusion of, no matter what the occasion was (mass, religious event, wedding, formal event, prom, high school dance of some kind, graduation, formal gathering, concert, etc.) the spectrum of what is being tolerated and accepted now of what young ladies wear. Frankly, it all starts at home whether it being directly through the mother, a mother, or indirectly through a role model. If a respectful and modest dress code isn't implemented than it will dissipate altogether. Whoever the young females womanly influence is, then that's what they will end up gravitating towards. Yes a high school female trying to embrace her individuality as represented by her fashion is understandable BUT there's also an educational person for the adolescence; that a sense of self respect should be encouraged, taught, and enforced in their wardrobe style WHILE exploring their individuality. I'm sure that there will be conflict and disagreements, especially if modesty is currently going against the social norm of young females in mini skirts/dresses as well as showing more skin than covering it...BUT professional women don't go to work in mini skirts and low scooped cleavage outfits, unless their work is on the street corners, so then why do we allow it for everywhere else and for such young ages?...I don't even want to get into swim suits because I would be going off on a huge tangent that would probably be as long as this post has become...I mean people might as well be naked with the crappy things they call “swim suits” now a days. Which reminds me-women if you are over the age of thirty-five, why in you’re right mind are you still trying to pull off a skimpy excuse of a bathing suit that maybe a teenager or even a twenty something year old would wear?...
So moms out there, it starts with you...don't worry young women your paragraph isn't far behind...Moms, how do you define the terms hot, sexy, and attractive? Because from this point forward is how the clothes in your closet are depicted. Yes before you were a mother you were just a woman like any other with goals, ambitions, dreams, and more importantly working the dating scene. You went through the stages of favorite colors, favorite styles, favorite movies as well as books/novels, therefore leading to your self identity. By the time I graduated high school (or perhaps completed your GED or just plainly left high school altogether) I figured out what type of person I was to be which included my wardrobe statements. This is where the question I started with comes into play. If from the age of 16-25 years of age you viewed the term "hot" as basically having every males attention especially in the regard of their physical reaction and attention to you, then you've failed to comprehend an important aspect in your self worth. Actually even if you're 25-45 years of age, that's not the point of "hot". Now what about the term sexy? If you viewed or view that term as, you the female, feeling good about herself in what she's wearing but your intention is to "provide men with a hard on," then you have again failed and in this matter in regards to your self dignity. If you've viewed attractive as something mediocre to being hot or sexy or perhaps a downgrade from someone who is a hot or sexy or both, then you too have failed. Every female is attractive in their own way (as are men) so you should strive for feeling sexy and being attractive, because the true definition of those two terms should correlate to your believe of your self worth, dignity, and self respect-with nothing to do regarding how men perceive you or whether or not you are considered "hot" or not.
You see, an attractive woman is supposed to be the ideal female for men. Ok, what do I mean by that; think of the phrase that tends to come out in many romantic comedies scenarios, "You want to be the librarian and the hooker, look like a woman that can play both parts in the males fantasy." I'm sure many can view and interpret this phrase in many different aspects but the one point rings true throughout any scenario, the woman isn't dressing like a hooker or a librarian, but providing the illusion that she can play both parts! Let's break it down first by terms; "lustful" is tied into both the terms hot and sexy whereas, "appealing" is used in both sexy and attractive. Then the woman's wardrobe-just because you're attractive doesn't mean you have to be showing off half your ass outside your shorts and half your boobs either. Or since we're in the yoga pant and tight short fashion trend, just because you're wearing those tight clothing items doesn't mean for your vagina apex curvature to be outlined and visible, have a slightly longer top to cover the areas on display. Granted what you wear in the bedroom WITH and FOR YOUR husband (significant other) is your prerogative, but why then, is it ok for what only your husband (significant other) is supposed to be viewing on display for all other males or for the world to see?...being "hot" and "sexy" should be saved for our spouses (significant others), so that we continue to liven and enthrall them in the bedroom.
This needs to be followed up and affirmed by you men! If your wife is dressing like a slut (for lack of a better term) and you let her walk outside of your bedroom or worse outside of your home, especially when you already have children, then shame on you because the fault is not entirely her own. If you as the man, are ok with your wife prompting lustful thoughts in other men because of how and what she's wearing, then you have failed as her protector, partner, spouse, and more importantly as her spiritual guide. I'm not saying that it's not rewarding to have others say "you got a great girl" or other affirming comments that you've picked one hell of a woman as your partner, but you shouldn't treat your woman as an object. Whether you know it or not, you are as just as responsible for her actions the moment she walks out of the house; Humans aren't wired to be alone and regardless of popular belief, women and men tend to derive the reasons for their actions in some way shape of form, from the opposite sex whether that's directly or indirectly.
Modesty doesn't mean dressing like a nun, but it sure as hell doesn't mean dressing like a hooker. Whether "we" (women in general) like to admit it or not, men tend to respond better and react more profoundly in life to a woman who is assertively respectful and respected; then they focus on the aesthetics which is prompted by what "we" women wear. An example being: whether your skinny, athletically toned, muscular, fat, or obese if you're wearing a dress/skirt that hikes up your ass-et in the back and you have to keep pulling it down, then have a scoop neck/V-neck/cleavage on your said dress or top but continue to pull it up because you are self conscious of your breasts hanging out - the man will and immediately tend to think the following (whether they may mean to or not)...1)I wonder what she's wearing underneath the dress or I wonder if she's even wearing anything underneath 2)I wonder what size her boobs are or how they would feel in my hand 3)I wonder what type of bra she has on underneath that top/dress 4)She probably has some sexy lingerie on under all of that. Ok there's a lot more I could say but they really aren't worth mentioning and yes these are statements from men I've personally asked what their first thought is when they see a female dressed a certain way. You know what was more surprising women? 8 out of the 15 men I asked (who ranged from the ages of 22-42) stated that I was forgetting the type of shoes "we" wear. That sometimes our shoes alone with the "hot" or "sexy" wardrobe prompts them to lust after us then the clothing itself. Aren't those words for thought?...And these men asked were NOT male family members either, if that's beneficial in your reading to know.
Therefore, I'm brought back to the bible verse in the beginning of this post. Women were placed on this earth for great things and a powerful influence, heck sorry men but we women are incredible creatures because we are blessedly able to bring life into the world! "We" women participate in the divine life of the Holy Trinity more intimately than men can ever fathom! We are given gifts of a child/children and in turn given even more responsibilities than that of our husbands (our "Adam"). Yes, we require men for the pro-creation however our bodies are the channels/tabernacles/protection for that which is created. It's because of this great gift and responsibility that one could say that women dictate the moral conscience and arrow of society; something "we" are sadly faltering in because women can't come to terms with something as simple as modesty. So when women falter so in turn the moral compass in society falters. Just because woman gained rights doesn't mean the foundation that makes us women should be erased or re-written/changed. The importance of how a women dresses can't be emphasized enough nor can it really be OVER emphasized. Has anyone thought to ask why for the last 2, 022 years Roman Catholic Popes have repeatedly implored women to dress modestly, emphasizing that immodest dress CAN provoke and provide occasions of sin. Dressing immodestly tends to allure men into committing sin whether through temptation or provoking action, and as Christian women (whether Catholic or not) we have a moral obligation to AVOID enticing men. The point is to dress modestly attractive and NOT dressing to ATTRACT. The fact is that a woman dressing immodestly, commits sin (whether venial or mortal) and separates herself from God, depending on the degree of her immodesty.
So why then do "we" (women as a whole) allow ourselves to be objectified? "We" complain about how men treat us without respect or as objects, etc yet "we" as women also tend to forget that men are and were made to be visual creatures of God and that a woman's body language (which yes includes what she's wearing) will and shall dictate how a man will treat her. A woman who dressed with modesty, dignity, grace, and self respect will in turn be approached and treated with respect and a sense of honor. If however a woman dresses like a slut...well I'm sorry, but then you shouldn't really be complaining about how the man treated you or is treating you to begin with, because you will only be seen as a sexual object and nothing more.
All of the pictures below are different types of clothing/fashion, allowing individuality to be expressed yet still remain in a modest and fashionable trend. So think twice before you put something on and think twice before you put your daughter or buy your daughter certain clothing items...our daughters will understand more fully when they are mothers; deal with the disagreements now and be the role model and matriarch leader you were called to be the moment you were given the gift of life at conception.
Sincerely,
A Distinct Woman
