What's Your Love Language - Relationships

Whether it's a romantic or platonic relationship, we all have specific needs and methods in which we communicate. It's not always easy to be able to decipher how to communicate with individuals especially in the workplace, at home, and/or with love interests. So here I go writing a post about what I consider to be one of the top three things someone should know before not only entering into a romantic relationship but also maintaining the familial/friendship relationships we have through life. Here we go!

First off, how can you know what to ask for from your partner/friend if you in turn don't even know what it is your wanting from that someone. Although communication is key, I feel that figuring out and knowing what your love language is ranks as one of the top three things to understand and accept before having any of your relationships come into fruition. What do I mean you ask or why is this so important? Well knowing, understanding, and accepting what you love language is with assist in sometimes the arguments/discussions had or perhaps allow you to explain to others how they can best know and love you or even assist someone in understanding where your point of view comes from - all because of your love language. I will say though that this specific post will be expanding more on the romantic relationship base. 

We all receive and provide love in different ways and according to Dr. Gray Chapman it's in five specific ways. Below is a snapshot from the special website on love languages and you can click on the image to peruse more. 

So, what are the five different ways? You have "words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch." If you're too lazy to google more on the love languages, don't worry because we're delving into each of them for you.

1. Words of Affirmation
1. This love language feeds off of someones words building them up, where it's the spoken words of affection (whether through praise, compliments, encouragement, empowerment, etc.) Words of hate or words that are harsh can effect you for a long time.
2. Acts of Service
1. Someone who has this as their love language experiences and feels love through the selfless actions and willingness of their partners, through acts of kindness and more importantly of making their partners lives easier/less of a struggle by taking away some of their burdens. A prime example would be someone who works a long shift, but their partner knowing this, would perhaps make dinner and have the kitchen clean so when their partner arrives from their long day they are surprised by what they find, and all without having been asked/told how they could make their day easier or better. If their partner is lazy or giving broken promises, they can easily be made to feel unloved or not important.
3. Receiving Gifts
1. One must take note that this particular love language has no exact association to materialistic things or more precisely doesn't always relate to tangible objects all the time. It's more a defined gift that specifically makes the person happy, perhaps by someone providing their favorite drink just because or sending someone a song to let them know it reminds them of their partner. It's not about gaudy jewelry or extravagant gifts...it's about the significance behind the gift given to that person. Generic gifts or forgotten special/significant events are NOT ideal for someone with this love language. 
4. Quality Time
1. The easiest way to describe this love language would be...the person who has this has their love language doesn't feel loved when someone can't be actively listening or that has had  long periods or timeframes without some one-on-one time with their partner. The best thing for a partner to do for this person who experiences this love language is to always be actively present with them, not staring at their phones or distracted by anything and everything, it's a focused attention on their time together, undivided attention to them as a couple and the other as a person.
5. Physical Touch
1. I feel like this one is self explanatory :) BUT if you still need it written out here goes...kissing, hugs, holding hands, etc Any and all forms of physical contact are the basis of this love language for someone. Touches convey safety, love, warmth, cherished, coddled, protected, etc. When the person who has this love language experiences physical neglect, a barrier or wedge will shortly follow if not immediate.

The biggest mistake and error I believe that anyone can do when their interested in someone, dating, or freshly into a new relationship is NOT entrust/let the other person know what their love language is. i feel that it would assist in leveling the "playing field" for expectations on how the couple can nurture and express themselves to each other. So don't wait until it's too late and you're wondering whether your significant other or spouse still loves you or let those negative thoughts enter your mind with doubts about things that your assuming, all because you never relayed to the person you love/your love interest what your love language is. I mean quite frankly unless this is openly and freely divulged into the other, the other person won't take notice in how to "love you" unless you actually tell them!

For those of you who have expressed your love language and already have issues with your significant other or spouse...that means yours is a special specific situation that goes past love languages...

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman 

Furry Family - Family/General

A friend of mine recently purchased a dog. Granted I've been dog shopping now for about three months now but haven't purchased one yet. I have to admit though that his recent purchase inspired me to write about my dogs. At one point and time there was a total of four (including my ex-husbands) dogs. My two boys are the focal point of this post, but my third dog was a shelter dog that I had found and turned in but ironically adopt and take home to start the whole process all over again :) Duke, Fido, and Aurora were my fur babies.

You see I was begging for a dog all throughout my childhood, would even covet my neighbors dogs and would always offer to take care of them when our neighbor needed the help. Well I had decided early 2003 that I would be getting a dog and I had to figure out how to put my best foot forward in convincing my parents. I realized I had to appease to their mindset of both parents and as I would be entering into high school, I figured to approach it like an "adult" would right. I knew my Mom was going to outright so now with no negotiation room SO I approached my Dad first. For like a month I would ask questions about all the family dogs both my parents had growing up and also the one that I remember seeing in some really young videos of my sister. Making them tell the stories and revealing which dogs they loved the most. Then I entered into Phase II of my plan which was to begin the hypothetical conversations of owning a dog. If we did own one which ones would it be or which dogs did they feel were the best, etc. I already had a specific dog breed in mind but that also meant I had to aim my timing of approaching this topic with patience...

By fall of 2003 I had a contract worked up with my parents, more specifically my Dad, about their purchase of the dog I had extensively scoped out, and made my selection. And yes before you ask I literally had a contract. The contract terms was that the hours I worked getting paid through my internship with my Dads company would be given to my parents towards the balance on the purchased dog. I vetted out a specific breeder and come summer of 2004 I would hopefully have my dog in tow. My parents paid for the shipping cost and my Mom and I went to go pick him up at the airport. The rest is history and the training began! Although for a girl who did everything to get one dog I ended up having two!

You heard me! For my first time in getting a dog I didn't just have one pet I had two, with ironically them both being of the same breed! So the purchased dog was Duke, a beautifully bred half Siberian husky and wolf dog that had a gorgeous white and red brown coat. My second dog was named Fido (short for fides, Latin word for loyalty) and it was a great name for one very loyal dog even unto death...So you know how I came to have my Duke but the story is pretty interesting on how I ended up getting Fido. For starters my mother wasn't all to happy about the arrangement or "contract" that my Dad and I had entered into, but she didn't renegade on the deal (since she also got her end of the deal with my grades being almost perfect). See my Mom likes dogs but she's worried about the maintenance and emotional attachment that comes with them, since she had seen so many of her family pets die or be put down. Understandable, however even that I knew wouldn't phase me into not having a dog. I don't like to compare animals with people but I viewed it as a family member right, you get emotionally attached to them and they are going to get older and eventually pass just like your uncle or aunt or cousin will eventually get to an age in which they too shall pass away. Even not knowing the pain I would years later feel of putting down or dealing with an animal about to pass, I was determined to feel it and have it all. So one afternoon during my freshman year in high school, my mom picked me up from school and as we were entering our subdivision, I took notice of a beautiful black and white Husky dog, sitting on the porch of one of the houses. I thought it odd and mentioned to my mom if she had seen the dog; her response was, "oh is it with its owner because I saw it wandering the yards going from house to house, I figured it may have gotten locked out of where it lives." I answered her letting her know that I didn't see anyone outside with the dog and that, in all my days walking our neighborhood I had never once seen that dog at that house; not to be nosey but I knew all the pets and where they were housed in the neighborhood I grew up in and was still living in at the time. So oddly enough my mom says, "we'll just keep an eye out for the poor dog."

I looked at my mom oddly as we drove into the garage of our house. A little after dinner I mentioned to my mom that I would check to see if the other dog was still out there in the neighborhood. She didn't make a protest and even said, "let me know if he's still there." Remember by this time I already had my Duke so it was interesting to see my mom getting concerned about another dog...Since I was outside playing with my Duke within the fence lines, I was able to keep an eye on the dog that didn't seem to know where he lived. I was able to see when he left the porch of that house and started towards the Main Street, exiting our subdivision. I quickly went inside the house and let me mom know and she immediately said to leave Duke out in the larger gated area while we went to pick up the black and white Husky. Between what she said and the motion of action I was both excited and shocked! My mom mentioned for me to grab some things that I thought would lure him to trust us for us to grab him and load him up in the vehicle. So there we go to pick the dog up. 

I remember so vividly to this day, how the late afternoon and evening went...we drive up beside to where he was walking up to each and every garage in the alley of the neighborhood, which faced the Main Street leading to the highway. My mom parked and I got out of the vehicle, went down on one knee and called the dog to me by tapping my leg (so there was a smacking sound since I was wearing shorts) and doing a low whistle tone. I had some dog food in my palm and he walked up to me cautiously, not skittishly but had his ears at attention and his head on a swivel. As he ate from my palm and was chewing I noticed no shaking or an aggression, so I took my chances and wrapped my arms around the dog and lifted him slightly into the back seat of the vehicle, all while staying on one knee. Yes by this time I was able to confirm the gender of the dog so boy it was! I scooted into the back seat with him and he was calmly eating out of the ziploc bag of dog food I had brought while I was petting his head and rubbing his ears. Calm and serene, a serious contradiction to my Duke. No more than a three minute drive back to our garage, we were unloading the rescued dog. I placed Duke's collar and leash on the black and white Husky to tie him down in the yard, in an area where he could be washed. My mother literally went inside telling me to get him ready so that we could bath him and have him settled to eat. Knowing that Duke was clean and had already eaten and that my mom had said they would be sleeping together in the dog pen, I would do an introduction for them after the newest dog was situated (meaning fed). I was relieved and glad that after a good introduction for the dogs, they were inseparable as if from the same litter.

My mom shocked me that day but from that point forward, my Duke had a companion that complimented him and Fido was part of the family. I trained both to come to me with their name and a specific whistle; trained them to sit on command, trained them to sit and wait until the dog bowl was on the ground so that they could eat, trained Duke to shake on command while I trained Fido to lay on command. Duke was the protector against animals in the yard and around/in the house whereas Fido was surprisingly protective of our family, almost guard dog style. Fido had been in two serious fights and both in efforts of protecting the "family member" of member of their pact; one was against a K9 unit dog that had been adopted due to being and inactive officer after an injury (he was very aggressive) and saved my mom. The second time was protecting me against a mix breed of pitbull and another breed (at least that's what the owners said), Fido was even on a leash-it was severely impressive how he continued to protect me even thought the attacking dog kept circling us! Fido to the end was super loyal and so in tune in the emotions of whoever he crossed paths with in our family. His eyes I remember were countless times my consoler, stress reliever, and life...

Fido was so loyal to my mom and I, that even on the day that pwe were waiting for the facility to prepare his needle (he was found with a tumor in his anal gland) we were all SO emotional and not just because I was pregnant, but we all felt it hard how incomplete it would be without him. My mom sat on the floor crying reaching out to pet him, when Fido limped to her and snuggled up to her and just let her hold on to him. He couldn't sit anymore at that point because the tumor was hurting him...it was amazing and sad to see but it was almost as if he knew what was happening because he was making rounds with the family members who were there in the large room with us...he finally got to me, where I was seated on a bench already past my three month pregnancyl marker. I felt I was gaining my new baby while losing one of my first biggest responsibilities...he walked up to me having tired eyes and did this painfully slow slanted sitting position as if he was laying on his side more than trying to sit, receiving my ear rub and than slowly let his head drift onto my leg, where I whispered to him, "its ok, you did good boy, relax and it'll all be over for you soon. No more pain..."

The vet nurse walked into the room saying it was time, the other family members there gave him once last rub and walked out, leaving only my mom and I. Her and I had decided that we weren't going to let him feel and see a face that he didn't know before he went. I saw the light go out of my beloved baby blue eyes...

Those two boys could not be separated and it showed apparently even into their deaths, because after Fido was put down Duke followed suit thereafter in June of the following year, about six months after...I had already delivered my second baby and I was unfortunately not able to be involved or a part of Duke's farewell, that was more my sister and Dad...He had a brain tumor, my sister had to deal with the episodes of seizures he was having.

Moral of the story, do right by your pets and even treat them like family, but do not DO NOT misinterpret loving them with caring for them-they need discipline, love, positive reinforcement, and a good reprimand when needed (just like kids) so make sure you don't get a dog because you feel lonely but because you're going to do everything for your furry life partner.

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman 

Mountain Village Telluride - General

If you haven't made it out to Colorado state you really should plan something within your lifetime to see the beauty that lies within the Rocky Mountain terrains; whether it's with someone special, a group of friends, or a family trip. If this picture doesn't strike a "I wanna go tomorrow" or "plan an upcoming trip" then maybe some of the other photos I incorporate into this post prompt some "adventure" feelings. 

By the way, all the images in this post and on my social media regarding this post are my photos I personally took during my adventures in the state.

The first time I was in Colorado it was for a family trip during the spring time (if I remember correctly) that involved my parents and sister, then there was a second family trip that involved a caravan of three vehicles when it was filled with snow covered lands and mountain tops. Both trips involved the Aspen and Colorado Springs areas. So it was an eye opening journey and truly an adventure of an experience when I traveled to Colorado without any family in 2017. 

The drive alone through Colorado is breathtaking so obviously that's an experience of its own, but driving through the high peak areas or more specifically local country roads that are used for locals day to day traveling (instead of your typical highways) now that's one hell of a memorable view and moment. I wouldn't have even known about some of the places I will be mentioning if it wasn't at someone else's suggestion to go to the sites and locations I did. I will say that there's nothing wrong with adventuring alone but I think it best to at least go with someone who has been on the terrain and visited the sites first hand, makes things easier to navigate for sure.

A city to explore, visit, and enjoy is Telluride; a city in which looks to be the pit of an area surrounded my mountains. Such a quaint city with everything you need and so many things to enjoy and experience-mountain biking, hiking, rock climbing, skiing (when it's the snowy winter season), canoeing, fishing, beautiful walking trails, flavors of hole in the wall restaurants, bakeries, off roading routes, and some cute little churches. This image below was walking alongside the riverbank that flows through Telluride.

It's a city that a car not what you'll need the entire time BUT, I suggest and feel that to truly enjoy the town you need to stay in the Telluride Mountain Village, that's where I stayed. It's a place at the top of the mountain ridge with its own town entry (like that of Telluride-see the entrance sign in my pic below). It's the equivalent of Frisco to Plano, or Highland Park to Dallas, or Woodlands to Houston, or Newark to Manhattan. 

The best part of this town is how it connects to Telluride. When you drive into the city you don't realize or notice where Telluride actually is. You'll see the various gondola's in transit throughout the air as you travel to either your rental home or hotel (that you've made reservations at) and just a very peaceful town. At the main entry to the "Village" is the fire department and police station, along with the main grocery store or market. The part I loved the most is that you didn't need a car at all to travel around unless you were traveling to one of the sites near to Telluride. Where we stayed at was not just a form of a ski resort, but an independent stay/company that had a few floors of the "hotel" for residential rentals and the remainder floors or "rooms" as part of the hotel accommodations. I'll have to write another post on the stay there because it's worth not only staying at but for any occasion you may have throughout the year out there. Valeting the vehicle, it wasn't taken out again until adventures to the near by sites occurred which was a blessing in disguise (especially if its your first time there) because you can literally just walk everywhere in this village and easily take the village gondola transportation to other areas of the village; example being, if you're needing to get something from their market/grocery store there's no need to take your vehicle, just board the gondola and easily bring back any groceries that you've purchased. The hotel though I think was in such a prime location because you felt a little secluded from the main traffic of the town natives and travelers, yet had a great distance from the main plaza where of course my handy Starbucks was located. However, in that altitude and in that state there's no way that Starbucks does any coffee or hot chocolate justice, you have to try the local stuff or find yourself a quaint little coffee shop (actually now that I think about it while I write, the hotel coffee was delicious and great during the morning breakfast).

When you walked from the hotel to the plaza, you pass a few restaurants but there's one specific Thai spot I absolutely fell in love with! As you enter the main plaza or court area you see this quaint architectural design of walkways and structures, with some more local restaurants and pubs, dessert and other food shops in addition to your shopping boutiques or clothing stores. The plaza area also leads to the other side of the village where the actual ski resorts and golf course are located; again, beautiful walk and just a calming path to venture on but there's also some rental residences and "hotels" within the plaza. Towards the outskirt of the plaza is one of the main gondola stations. I say one of the main ones because there are a total of four; they are all four connected on the main track so the plaza station is the second to last stop coming from Telluride, with the market being the last stop (again coming from Telluride) then the primary station is located in Telluride at the bottom of the base of the mountains. The  middle station is at the top of the mountain ridge where you have the choice to either get off for some beautiful trails or visit the mountain side restaurant otherwise you stay on and head down the mountain ridge to finally make your way to the city of Telluride, where you can immerse yourself in the town. 

In case you're wondering, some of the nearby cities (and I'll be writing some other posts on them) for some of the fun, historical, and adventurous sites are via a main highway or the locals country road pass; you have both Silverton and Durango.

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman 

I Can't Get Anything Done with Kids, True or False? - Family/General

My mother tells me not to use the word "hate" to demonstrate my education and say instead "I strongly dislike"...only probably with that is I feel, it doesn't express exactly how I'm feeling, almost as if I'm censoring it therefore you will see me use "hate". So here we go, the start of some fruits for thoughts!

I hate when individuals who don't have children/have never had kids from infancy to toddler years/never been around young children make statements such as "I'm waiting until I do everything I want to enjoy in life before having kids" or "kids don't leave you time to do anything else at home or with your significant other/spouse." There's also the single individuals who say something like "that's why I'm never having kids because they suck so much of your time so you don't have time for much else" or "that's why I don't have kids because then I wouldn't have enough time for myself" or my favorite one "kids are so complicated and are just too much work, I would rather have a dog." I will be taking the time to break down in response to each of the statements in a numbered fashion. I don't write any of the following to be insulting or to be informally/inconspicuously answering someone who has made the comments to me specifically-just throwing my sentiment out to the world is all.

1)"I'm waiting until I do everything I want to enjoy in life before having kids" - I feel like this one can be tricky and almost a double edged sword. For starters, I commend anyone who wants to accomplish their goals and ambitions in life (lets face it, kids are expensive and you need money to be able to have one) so kudos to you if you're thinking rationally and realistically especially to being a little better off financially; commendable I assure you. However, it's a little warped in thinking-why do I say that you make ask; due to the following. Let's say you everything right in your timeline from after your senior  year graduation (or acquiring your GED) then you hit the college years hard. When I say "hit the college years hard" I don't been at frat houses and sorority parties, I'm talking all you do is academics and graduation on time or even early. You may/may not be lined up for your career path but you're getting that taken care of. Perhaps you meet the love of your life after graduation or during the start of your successful career path, is a family something you're willing to negotiate to have earlier instead of later? I ask that openly because whether people realize or not, the age in which you have your kid/s does play a part in how you enjoy yours kid/s. It doesn't matter how healthy/fit/active a person is your overall energy level before kids you'll quickly find is VERY different post children entering into the world, so whether people notice, if you have kids between 35-40 you may not be as energetic and as patient with your kids (no matter how much you love them) as you may have been when you were younger (because you basically had boat loads of energy to spare!) Please don't misconstrue my age statement being that a person shouldn't have kids after 35 or even after 40, wrong! I have a firm belief that if the universe, Mother Nature, God, etc wants a person to have a child then they will have a child and old age will not be a factor-everything will happen for a reason. Squirrel moment! Everything happening for a reason naturally doesn't mean that you've had a baby created in a lab, dish, or by injection. So when I hear a woman of 40 or 42 whaling because she hasn't had kids - she has the ability to adopt without concern for her health and the universe, Mother Nature, God, etc has decided she will not procreate for the expansion of the human lineage of that DNA/family lineage. I digress and return back to the main point of this numbered item. Or let's say you haven't met the love of your life yet and your way behind in your career goals and life ambitions? Would you just right off having a family altogether or perhaps have no problem having your family until your older than even you're anticipated? Would you be able to or at least open minded about amending your "family planning" timing if you are further along in your goals and ambitions so that you can enjoy your family as well?

I had a "Life Plan" when I was in high school but that was nothing like how things turned out in life. Granted it was due to my life choices but I wouldn't go back and change anything!...I will personally admit that I was not prepared for the news of motherhood, but I have to say because of my concentration on all my goals and ambitions as well as enjoying my life, I did everything I needed to do in life before the birth of my first child. I will say there are still many things I WANT TO DO, but just because I have kids doesn't mean I can't still to them. Some I will be able to enjoy now with my kids if I play my cards right and others I can still do when they get older. So if someone puts into their head such negativity than that's exactly the type of negativity someone will interpret from a statement like this or worse, because you feel such negativity your kids (trust me) will "feel" that negativity from you as well...guess this paragraph also ties into the next numbered statement.

2) "kids don't leave you time to do anything else at home or with your significant other/spouse." - Ok this one I feel if a person isn't the type of individual who is creative or a "go-getter" (meaning that they will persevere to get what they want or to accomplish a task) then this statement will begin to ring true in your marriage/relationship with your significant other and it's NOT the kid/s fault. You look at older generational couples who had kids or a multitude of kids and they wouldn't have even had this thought because of their upbringing and the time periods; I think (also noticed through observation) that some newer aged couples have the right idea regarding having kids and still having that "spark" in their married lives. Whether it's your's first child or your sixth child, you should and always can dedicate time back to your spouse/significant other. Unless you completely out in the boonies and have literally no living relative within the vicinity or perhaps even in the same state, then yes I can believe and understand the predicament in trying to put time back into being a couple; otherwise nothing is impossible. I commend the couples who are dedicated to each other if not more, after having kids. I mean kids are important and they come first (at least until they're out of your house) but if couples don't continue to explore each other even as kids are growing than I feel that it may be harder for them to interact again by themselves when they are empty nesters. That was one thing I appreciated from my ex-husband (even if done more for selfish reasons or gains on his part), he may have not put our kids and I first but he tried a few times to coordinate "date nights" with my sister and mom - so that they would take care of my oldest while him and I went out; too bad that was also pretty short lived but that's a moot point. If you notice I didn't say that it wouldn't take some effort to extra time/energy on the couples part to make things work after having kids and during their lifespan but hey that's kind of the given when you have a kid. 

On a side note, unless someone has twins or more than twins I can't comprehend or understand when anyone (especially a mom, since I am - been there and done that) states that they don't have time to get anything done at home or that they don't have time for anything. Granted I know that every child is different BUT how you treat your pregnancy is how your child/children will be when they pop out. That's another post for another day...anyway! Take away the month or two that someone helps/assists you, you'll have adapted or hopefully created a schedule - this is especially for you moms - where you have gaged how your childs days and nights will be like. So you can either be creative with your "me" time or the time you want to dedicate for yourself. What I mean about creative can be explained better with my own testimony of what I did. My oldest was great at her naps (actually both my kids were) so I knew that I could either do a good chore that I knew would take me time to complete, or perhaps finally take that longer shower (since I would have the baby monitor screen next to my shower stall, OR even better I would catch up on some much needed snooze time. So with every nap I would alternate one of the three things I mentioned above, therefore wouldn't feel overwhelmed and on the contrary would feel accomplished even while taking care of my kiddos! Ok you nay sayers or anyone who had a baby/child who is attached to your chest/hip/arms and you feel you can't get anything done! The creativity there is through another personal testimony of what I used to do with my youngest. Was more needy for kangaroo time with anyone so leaving my youngest down for naps during the day was harder for me the second go round (granted the nights were still rocking awesome like her sibling before her) the days were a little different. I did a lot of research on specific body straps and finally found one I liked for both her AND I (cause it's not always about the baby features specifically but how the items use will also assist you as the parent and the body that's carrying the stress/load). Bought one on Amazon and gave it a whirl; had secure and great straps with a superb back support for the weight while having the holding straps and cradled area for the baby snug, safe, all while having the cushion to alleviate the pressure and circulation for the little baby legs. I know it's a lot of explanation and probably not the best description for a visual, but don't worry on another post I'm going to write about that awesome buy! Moving on-so finally seeing its use with my youngest I was finally able to do anything while she napped, even vacuuming/mopping/sweeping among the chores.

In hindsight, I followed suit with my youngest the same things that I would do with my oldest. You see I would (and still do) incorporate my oldest to be involved (whether directly or indirectly) with anything I was doing and especially chores (whether outside or inside). For example, when I was in the kitchen my oldest would help me prep while the youngest being in the highchair, had toys to entertain or nibble on while having the best vantage point of my oldest and I so that her intelligent and absorbing eyes would absorb what was going on. Now both of them being older are so cute because they'll offer to help with little things here and there that they've seen me do or have helped me do. The point is to submerge them in their surroundings and daily homelife and they'll become smiley confidant little beings! I can attest to this because this is one of my favorite moments in the picture; my father was working on his vehicle while I was checking on the dogs and wanting to get a walk in so I thought to take my daughter outside with me. She thought she was helping my father when she grabbed a tool-we let her tinker with it for a little bit then I wiped her hands clean and let her explore the garage and saw how far she would try to test her little boundaries. 

I won't lie to any newbie parent and say it's easy, but oh how bittersweet your days are and the feeling you have when you witness your little one/s growth...So parents unless you've exhausted all methods and even brain cells I suggest you DO NOT give off bad or complicated vibes towards others who may want kinds or in general to the general public because it's really unjust towards your offspring :p 

3) "that's why I'm never having kids because they suck so much of your time so you don't have time for much else" or "that's why I don't have kids because then I wouldn't have enough time for myself" - I write about this particular statement here but when faced with someone who says this out loud to me or in front of me I just smile and shrug with a response of my own saying, "hey to each their own, not everyone is cut out to have kids, heck some people in this world really shouldn't have kids." I mean what's the point in any further dialogue with a person like this?...either that's their true thought because they internally feel they wouldn't fit the mold as a parent from beginning to end (meaning whether its their biological child/ren or perhaps from a previous relationship and they are just accepting of their new partners kid/s) OR and I truly think this is the main reason almost 98% of the time, they're individuals who have not matured enough/not mature at all to realize the compromising nature of any relationship whether romantic/familial and that extends to your offspring/next of kin. Compromising doesn't stop when you meet you significant other it continues ten fold when you have kids. 

SO to bring this all to a close...I feel that in order to have kids its not just a calling and vocation (for the religious believers) but a person or the couple must have a need, desire, passion, and wanting (for all the non-religious individuals) to successfully go through the motions and the daily life choice of being a parent. Parenting is also like the vows you take in matrimony, through sickness and in health, through the thick and the thin, and through the strongest of waves/obstacles you have to always be involved 200% not 90% or 50% but 200%! I say 200% because you need to stay ahead of the curve in everything your child does and in their development otherwise you're in for some shockers along the way. Correction, you're always going to have some shocker moments with your child/children it's just a matter of how your recover and keep pushing forward. It's the most important career choice you'll ever do in your entire lifetime. 

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman 

Dating a Sports Guy - Relationships/General

For females reading this post, yes it can be done. Anyone who tells you otherwise hasn't come across any of the males I'll be talking about in this post. You can have a healthy and loving relationship with a male who loves or lives for sports, it can just take some getting used to or maybe after this blog post you'll be enlightened enough to try dating one of these males that you've previously written off before. For the men reading this post, please by all means correct me if I'm wrong! I love when someone provides another twist to my "story" or legitimate information to bring to the table, which in turn enlightens the public.

So in case you're wondering, yes I've dated the man who love sports, the sports fan, the sports fanatic, and the sports addict. I’m not sure if these are actual labels society uses but they’re definitely the categories or labels I've created of what I’m about elaborate on. Oh don’t you worry because there is a difference between them all. So I’ll dive in to their definitions and I’ll provide some little insight on how I've seen some things should and can work out.

The Man who loves sports - this man is energetic about attending sports events and/or playing sports and/or watching sports. Just has a genuine appreciation for the talents behind the sports. He won't care if he's with the guys doing this or with his girlfriend/significant other. His motives for sports is pleasure and won't see important life moments as an obstacle for his sports. Although it would be best to define as a couple what those "life moments" are so that he can continue to enjoy sports and not feel threatened by your involvement with him and with something that he truly enjoys in life as well.

I personally enjoyed dating this guy, because some of the dates were fun and so "let loose" without concern or pressure of having things perfect. I will openly admit that because of these two specific (different sports guys) guys I dated, helped me to better appreciate the moments in our fun sport like outings and not having a care in the world to sweat in front of someone. No I don't mean as if you're in a workout class or at the gym, I'm talking about a care-free environment where you're only concern is about what you'll both be eating together because you've enjoyed the sweat, the outing, and each other's company. When you're dating this guy just be open to the sporting outings and the fun you could have, he will enjoy you and want more time together. I know what you're wanting to ask, did I end up with him or did I severe ties? We split ways because I was focused more on my career than using up PTO time for sports.

The Sports Fan - this man is only a few notches above the "The Man who loves sports". What makes these two labels different is that the man with label concentrates his energy on the specific sport and team/s he only likes. Will keep up with the team and their stats but wont necessarily but his sports above his actual life or I should say above those "life moments". If this man is interested in you, he will also concentrate his energy in getting you exposed and involved with his team/s and sports. 

I dated one man like this and he was a nice upgrade from the first label guy. I was not only able to appreciate the moment getting into the sports with him but it was fascinating for me to hear how passionate he was about something else that I merely saw as a hobby or as a form of entertainment. Men like this will appreciate your support in what they love, will appreciate you more because you've put time into what they like, and when they really like you they will try to find a compromise with their sports as well and their time with you. To answer your question, I did not end it with this one, he's my ex-husband; for the record we didn't call it quits because of his sports!

The Sports Fanatic - this man is the medium of the labels prior and the labels after, yet can be borderline close to the "addict". He'll be so absorbed into this team/s and may even have the natural inclination to forget about you but can still be a seriously good catch. He will spout everything about his team/s and there's a good chance he will have memorabilia of his team. He will stay tuned to the stats, events, games, and season but if treated right and understood will be a great and fun loving guy. He won't miss an important "life moment" but he will make sure he's in attendance or sets aside the time for his game/s. All in all pretty tolerable, fun to be with and around, yet his quirk will most likely deter his attention away from you.

The two men I dated were everything enjoyable, spontaneous, and fun but I just couldn't get behind putting that much time and effort into the team/s because I wanted to enjoy other things. Mutual split after about four dates in. He really was a great guy though. 

The Sports Addict - let's be very frank about this man. This man is so caught up and dedicated to sports that unless he's die hard seriously intrigued/wanting to invest time into you. He will literally cancel a date on you and quite possibly (unless he seriously likes you) won't even bother rescheduling because sports season is more important than worrying about when he will or won't be seeing you. He's so caught up in the sports season that it won't matter what life events or even if you are his significant other, you are not going to trump his need to be involved in the throes of the season, sport spirit, events, and this could involve both pro as well as college sports. The sports addict will be into all aspects of sports-lives and breathes it. Might be there for the birth of his child as long as there was sports onesies involved for the baby, but seriously he'll be one heck of a piece of work. Some might find it annoying or obnoxious, and others who have been involved or who know men like this, know that this is their vice/quirk/special trait/non-negotiable, whatever you want to think.

I found that dating this type of male requires a very special character and personality in a female. It's not that you can't be happy dating or being in a relationship with this person, it just means that if you're not used to being this involved in sports (and I don't mean just playing softball/soccer or whatever sport in high school and/or college but either trying to be pro or missed the opportunity to be a pro) you won't be able to fully appreciate or understand him. If you think dating a man like this with the intent to "change him" or perhaps "change his mannerism in sports" to put you first in his life completely, even over his addiction for sports-you're clearly delusional and going about it in the wrong manner. This man will appreciate the woman who gives him space for his "addiction" and will reciprocate in kind to the woman he's chosen to be involved with. Yes I dated one male like this. I'm not like most females (truly an alpha female character with men whether significant or otherwise with my hidden docile side) so because I have a high level of self-esteem, courage, secure, not clingy, and definitely don't need my mans attention 24-7 I was able to handle this man. Why you ask did I get involved with someone like this? Well for the same reason that he didn't want a clingy insecure female taking him away from his sports and his time with the guys during sports. I valued my time to myself just as much as I put value in to what I already knew about him. I know what your next question is, why didn't we work out then? Well it had nothing to do with his addiction to sports, as hard as it would be to believe. We ended things because long term we didn't want the same goals-I was looking for someone to have kids with and he point blank didn't want kids at all. Unfortunately, that wasn't discovered until about the 6th date. 

There you have it ladies and gents! Regardless though at the end of the day, if two people want to really make it work they BOTH with make it work.

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman