The Old w/The Young - Family/Relationships

Before my divorce I used to keep hearing the phrase "it takes a village to raise kids/a kid" but I don't think I actually agree with that premise. I believe even more now with conviction post-divorce and also being born into a semi-large Mexican/Hispanic family. I'm sure if my family reads my blog theres a lot of things they would be shocked to have been reading or to be finding out about one of their family members, since I don't always agree or go along with their mannerisms and/or all of their traditions per say...

After not only knowing instinctually that my two kids are not the same, through the extensive observation I'm noticing and witnessing some of their newly found habits as well as what defines them individually as they continue to grow. I do feel that there basis or the foundation in character and personality stems from their own personal observation of their environment in addition to the solid parent whose been there for it all no matter what - that would be me by the way, in case you couldn't piece that together. Due to their age, I feel this is only contributing to 60% of who they are, 20% comes from their interaction with the world around them whether that be through their school, playdates, social interactions with other kids and their parents, perhaps Sunday church school, Sunday church/Mass, or perhaps directly with their friendships that they've created with other children. The remainder 20% I feel concludes with the adult role models and the adults period that they have exposure to in their outings, setting at home, as well as their social interactions outside the home/family life (whether that's extended and/or immediate and/or both). 

So what does the above paragraph all mean? That it doesn't take a village to raise a child it just helps to have a village in the caretaking of the child so the mother doesn't necessarily go insane! If done right, that is. Otherwise its possible that the "village" you've surrounded yourself in becomes the bad example or worse for your children - they'll end up picking up on really bad habits or perhaps begin reflecting awful character examples as the other adults around them. See for me I think it the oldest members of the family that dictate the vibe of the family, in turn playing an important role in the lives of the children.

By the way, yes the above images are MY personal images taken by my camera and are NOT meant for redistribution nor to be copy/pasted and used elsewhere. I will hunt your ass down if you try to save these images and pass them off as your own!...squirrel and moving on! :)

How your kids see how the oldest members are treated and the relationships that your kids have with them will be a huge contributor to their lives growing up and impact them in a manner which I feel many don't foresee or understand. I know, I know not everyone is as blessed to even have living grandparents or even to have great grandparents alive for that matter; for those that do have grandparents and great grandparents still a part of your families, relish and cherish the moments you have with them because there will come a day in which they will no longer be a part of the pictures...moving on, the kids will notice not only how these eldest members of the family are cared for but how they are talked to, how others in the family see them, and especially how they are all treated. Children are already very observant so them seeing how the adults in the family and how their attitudes are towards these specific family members will play a crucial role in their respect for authority as well as their own emotions towards those members. Again, at least that's what I feel...

See my kids have been very blessed with grandparents and even great grandparents on not only my side of the family but that of my ex husband. However, it is my oldest who has had the most exposure to all generations on both sides of the family, whereas my youngest has only had exposure to my side of the family with minimal to almost none with my ex husbands side of the family. I mention this particular detail because though both my kids were exposed to the wiser family members, my oldest though loving and caring towards her elders (the grandparents and great grandparents) she does only the means of etiquette in being loving, responsive, and in her interaction with her elders where my youngest goes out of her way in caring and being like a nurse/caretaker to the elders in the family, aways checking to see if they are needing or should need anything. Both kids having a healthy and loving exposure to the elders while also both having noticed/witnessed different levels of care for the elders-leading to their own evolving interactions. This I feel and believe to be the start of my kids ability in discerning how they want their relationships to be towards their grandparents and great grandparents as well as also coming to a new sense of understanding to how familial relationships are to continue. You see without this healthy exposure towards the elderly, I feel that the kids may begin or have a minimal percentage of disruption towards the family and all its family members. 

Which leads into the main focus of this post, why I believe with conviction that it does not in fact take a village to raise children/a child. I believe that bonds and healthy role models are what influence, encourage, and mold the little lives that are our children; in retrospect this also doesn't automatically mean it has to be all family members and it doesn't mean that any one specific family member is this for our kid/s. Having family whether extended and/or immediate is helpful to social interactions and balanced relationships for the growth of the child/children I feel that it serves more as a purpose to assist the parents/parent for the caretaking needs  while also assisting parents/a parent so they aren't completely burnt out (whether as a new parent/s or experienced and having their sixth child or something) or struggling with their mental health. Children are already equipped with chameleon like abilities in addition to being resilient so whether a "whole village" is there for the child/children or not they are going to continue day by day regardless of the world and circumstances-its just up to the parent/parents/guardian to ensure the right "world" surrounds them at least until their an adult in the eyes of the law because then they will begin to experience their own journey. We just hope that they allow us to be near by or maintain that open communication when they do so...

Are you close to your grandparents or great grandparents? Or who were you're role models growing up?

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman 

Play Street Museum - Family/General/Recommendation

If you haven't been to one of these gem establishments, you are missing out! Whether you are a parent needing a bigger space for your little one to spread their wings and explore (safely in a controlled visible environment) or just needing a bigger space for your children to play and thrive, or perhaps you're a single parent working from home, or homeschooling and planning a field trip, an aunt/uncle spending a day with their niece/nephew...I could keep going but you get the idea. 

Anyway, the point is these places are great! There are more than a handful of these locations in Texas alone but there are a good amount elsewhere in the nation. These places are themed differently depending on their location. They are all typically about the same square footage with the interior decorations simple and clean (coinciding with the theme of the location), with a lovely entry area and even sometimes a nice little outdoor area as well. Then they have their toys and activities areas nicely organized and stationed with the rest of the interior basically an indoor city in - again - the specific theme of that location. There's a family friendly to the restrooms as well that allows for children of all ages (even infants still in their stroller) and the comfort of moms (and dads) alike. You do have to sign a waiver but once you create your account they keep the information on file.

My sister was the one who found this place and the one we first went to was the one in Frisco, TX. Unfortunately, for some reason that location though shut down years later. I literally can't fathom why since its location was busy (perhaps not as busy as others) and I felt it was in a prime location of the city for any mom to access. So when we first went it was because my sister (in her auntie role) wanted for us to try it out. This day of exploration was for my oldest and I had my youngest in her bassinet stroller.

Ever since that day we've gone back or frequented other locations as well as new ones when we travel. The reason why I really wanted to highlight this establishment was not because necessarily of their family friendly environment and understanding (although that's a huge plus) its because of how amazingly simple yet special they have designed these locations. Ok perhaps I lied, the main reason why I wanted to expand further on this company is because of how clean and sensitive they were for families especially during the worst of the COVID pandemic (and still even now), and their quality of sanitation and protecting families/children.

If you're in any of the states below (snapshot taken directly from their website) then take the time and head over to one. My kids love that place and so does Mommy-and yes even as a single working mother, I've managed to do work there while my kids are playing.

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman 

Mountain Village Telluride - General

If you haven't made it out to Colorado state you really should plan something within your lifetime to see the beauty that lies within the Rocky Mountain terrains; whether it's with someone special, a group of friends, or a family trip. If this picture doesn't strike a "I wanna go tomorrow" or "plan an upcoming trip" then maybe some of the other photos I incorporate into this post prompt some "adventure" feelings. 

By the way, all the images in this post and on my social media regarding this post are my photos I personally took during my adventures in the state.

The first time I was in Colorado it was for a family trip during the spring time (if I remember correctly) that involved my parents and sister, then there was a second family trip that involved a caravan of three vehicles when it was filled with snow covered lands and mountain tops. Both trips involved the Aspen and Colorado Springs areas. So it was an eye opening journey and truly an adventure of an experience when I traveled to Colorado without any family in 2017. 

The drive alone through Colorado is breathtaking so obviously that's an experience of its own, but driving through the high peak areas or more specifically local country roads that are used for locals day to day traveling (instead of your typical highways) now that's one hell of a memorable view and moment. I wouldn't have even known about some of the places I will be mentioning if it wasn't at someone else's suggestion to go to the sites and locations I did. I will say that there's nothing wrong with adventuring alone but I think it best to at least go with someone who has been on the terrain and visited the sites first hand, makes things easier to navigate for sure.

A city to explore, visit, and enjoy is Telluride; a city in which looks to be the pit of an area surrounded my mountains. Such a quaint city with everything you need and so many things to enjoy and experience-mountain biking, hiking, rock climbing, skiing (when it's the snowy winter season), canoeing, fishing, beautiful walking trails, flavors of hole in the wall restaurants, bakeries, off roading routes, and some cute little churches. This image below was walking alongside the riverbank that flows through Telluride.

It's a city that a car not what you'll need the entire time BUT, I suggest and feel that to truly enjoy the town you need to stay in the Telluride Mountain Village, that's where I stayed. It's a place at the top of the mountain ridge with its own town entry (like that of Telluride-see the entrance sign in my pic below). It's the equivalent of Frisco to Plano, or Highland Park to Dallas, or Woodlands to Houston, or Newark to Manhattan. 

The best part of this town is how it connects to Telluride. When you drive into the city you don't realize or notice where Telluride actually is. You'll see the various gondola's in transit throughout the air as you travel to either your rental home or hotel (that you've made reservations at) and just a very peaceful town. At the main entry to the "Village" is the fire department and police station, along with the main grocery store or market. The part I loved the most is that you didn't need a car at all to travel around unless you were traveling to one of the sites near to Telluride. Where we stayed at was not just a form of a ski resort, but an independent stay/company that had a few floors of the "hotel" for residential rentals and the remainder floors or "rooms" as part of the hotel accommodations. I'll have to write another post on the stay there because it's worth not only staying at but for any occasion you may have throughout the year out there. Valeting the vehicle, it wasn't taken out again until adventures to the near by sites occurred which was a blessing in disguise (especially if its your first time there) because you can literally just walk everywhere in this village and easily take the village gondola transportation to other areas of the village; example being, if you're needing to get something from their market/grocery store there's no need to take your vehicle, just board the gondola and easily bring back any groceries that you've purchased. The hotel though I think was in such a prime location because you felt a little secluded from the main traffic of the town natives and travelers, yet had a great distance from the main plaza where of course my handy Starbucks was located. However, in that altitude and in that state there's no way that Starbucks does any coffee or hot chocolate justice, you have to try the local stuff or find yourself a quaint little coffee shop (actually now that I think about it while I write, the hotel coffee was delicious and great during the morning breakfast).

When you walked from the hotel to the plaza, you pass a few restaurants but there's one specific Thai spot I absolutely fell in love with! As you enter the main plaza or court area you see this quaint architectural design of walkways and structures, with some more local restaurants and pubs, dessert and other food shops in addition to your shopping boutiques or clothing stores. The plaza area also leads to the other side of the village where the actual ski resorts and golf course are located; again, beautiful walk and just a calming path to venture on but there's also some rental residences and "hotels" within the plaza. Towards the outskirt of the plaza is one of the main gondola stations. I say one of the main ones because there are a total of four; they are all four connected on the main track so the plaza station is the second to last stop coming from Telluride, with the market being the last stop (again coming from Telluride) then the primary station is located in Telluride at the bottom of the base of the mountains. The  middle station is at the top of the mountain ridge where you have the choice to either get off for some beautiful trails or visit the mountain side restaurant otherwise you stay on and head down the mountain ridge to finally make your way to the city of Telluride, where you can immerse yourself in the town. 

In case you're wondering, some of the nearby cities (and I'll be writing some other posts on them) for some of the fun, historical, and adventurous sites are via a main highway or the locals country road pass; you have both Silverton and Durango.

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman 

Alabama and Florida - Family Life/General

I will admit that what I'm about to state in this post is based off of my personal experience from years ago, so I suppose that I'll have to plan another trip out to these locations to truly see if what I mention is still factual :) Oh the sacrifice I will have to make in order to keep my posts factual :p 

A girlfriend of mine back in 2018 was having a destination wedding out in Orange Beach, Alabama. I for one when I heard and saw the location thought, "really Alabama and a beach in Alabama." Well long story short I was imagining hick like beach front properties and not the beautiful costal front I've been to or experienced on previous personal and family trips. So I was refreshingly shocked and taken back when I came to the area that we would be staying in. The area wasn't to vast in size so I appreciated that many things could be in walking distance. The best part I thought was surprisingly how clean and soft the sands were. There wasn't a lot of seaweed areas or areas filled with hard and unclean sand. Where I stayed at (even if on the more budgeted side of things as opposed to the bridal party and my girlfriends resort stay) was truly a lovely entry to the beach and had what felt like an all inclusive resort package. The spot for my hotel was further away from the resort crowd and more on the local side of the city so I liked it. 

After actually visiting my girlfriend at her resort (where she was also to be having her wedding) I was more impressed at my stay than the the resort she was staying at. All her guests, family, and bridal party were staying at the Perdido Beach Resort. I'm going to break down why I would never recommend this place to anyone I know! First off the entrance to the beach was not as pretty as there was more beach shrubs and greenery so you didn't really get a full fledged feel of "beach front property/wedding". Secondly, then the area of the beach from their resort was sadly not tidy and actually polluted with debris and trash; whether from their drunken guests at the resort or just in general the breeze from their cossack location along the beach, I can't say for sure but that's what I can speculate. 

Thirdly, inside was outdated and muggy in a "I hope algae isn't growing on the walls with how it feels in here." I've been blessed to have stayed in resorts and some high end 5-star resorts/hotels and even the honeymoon suite or whatever upscale room they had was not very impressive. Big in the sense of a family being able to stay but that's about it. The carpeting would make you feel as if you were visiting your great great grandparents home out in the boonies somewhere. I remember vividly hiding a cringe from my face when I saw some family members barefoot on the carpet. Fourth, I would NOT recommend having a wedding there because the location for the ceremony area was pitiful! Might as well have just gone across the stateliness and found a resort on the Florida side with prettier destination wedding locations. Lastly, I'm not sure who the wedding coordinator is now but at least back in 2018 she was incompetent, rude, disorganized, and unprofessional. I had to literally take over and start barking orders to their staff and her especially! Anyway, I digress...back to the post.

The coolest part was that crossing a highway overpass across the water, you were already on the Florida state side with an easy commute into Pensacola and near Perdido Beach and Keys. 

Quaint little drive, although I have to say careful where you drive because there are some seriously trashy areas you can easily come across or drive through which makes for an unpleasant view for "beach like" cities. The weather seemed to behave during the duration of my stay and especially for my girlfriends wedding but even with the one day of rain, I was able to enjoy the Florida side at an impressive Naval Museum. 

The National Naval Aviation Museum (NAS) in Pensacola, Florida was a nice drive on the rainy day (going and coming) and the facility was inside the gates of the Naval base which was awesome to see! I highly recommend this museum for families and anyone with a facination of museums, especially that of aviation! Super clean, interesting history and areas to explore - meaning its not just one building- so there lots of areas to walk, enjoy and also user friendly (whether in a wheelchair, stroller, and walker). Fun experience and a must see! These are photos I took during my tour inside the museum, so yes I am also the owner of these photos!

So all in all, if you're looking for an affordable beach getaway and perhaps even a test run with your little ones before some of those larger bigger beach locations, this city I think is one that you can enjoy. I know I did and so did my oldest at the time. 

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman 

Breastfeeding Your Baby (it’s not easy) - Family Life

I had originally written this post a few years back when I had just had my second daughter, so I had to do some revisions as well as adding more to the original post. This post started about three weeks after having my second daughter. The original post will be centered where the additional information will be shown as left aligned. I hope you like this one because it was written with the emotions I had then (in that moment) with a little more emotions now in reminiscing…

The nights seem to be shorter than ever; I wouldn't say its necessarily because its more tiring but it really oddly does feel like the days have seemed to be dragging out a lot now. I guess I shouldn’t complain though since it gives me so much daylight with both my girls. The youngest is growing expeditiously, it seems almost impossible to tell that she's still a newborn baby meanwhile my oldest daughter is trying to cope with the new changes going on in her life. Specifically being that Mommy is resting a lot and not doing as many things with her throughout the day as before; I've forced myself to be moving around probably more than I should because I know my oldest needs me. Breast feeding has been going well and the little one’s appetite continues to grow every day. She’s really been working herself a little more here and there to her feeding needing to transition into milk that’s more substantial. It's amazing to notice all of the changes in my girls and within myself, but more importantly the changes from being a mom the first get go to being a mom the second time around. What do I mean? 

So the nights during my first daughter’s new life was a lot more exhausting, for lack of a better way to explain it. I'm going to deduce that the reason for that during my first daughter’s feeding was more because of the stress I was under and also the overall recovery from the surgery itself. Therefore nightly feedings then were more groggy and tended to entail more sleep throughout the night. I vividly remember always needing help; whether it was my mother getting the milk ready or doing the feeding herself while I was the one doing the milk prepping. Other nights I couldn't do either because I might've pushed myself harder through the day and I was just too exhausted at night; that's when my mom would do everything for the feeding time herself. See it was a little bit after arriving home from the hospital that I got to really begin breast feeding my oldest; sadly though because of the delivery I didn’t have the most memorable of feedings since it involved a rented out breast pump and I was nowhere near to producing the breast milk my baby needed. Formula was going to have to be used early on for her…

You see, the day I was to be discharged from the hospital they told me, that because of the magnesium that was used during my emergency c-section, the milk production wasn’t going to be the same or as usual for me and my daughter-but for me to not worry that babies thrive without concern even if little to no breastmilk is provided to them. That every drop I would give my daughter was necessary and vital for her growth, immunity, and for my continual milk production. For my health and well being I needed to get all the milk I would produce out as well, otherwise I could risk some health concerns in my breasts if I didn't. I don’t know how many reading are moms who have had a similar occurrence or have been told worse; perhaps know someone who’s gone through that but even after all the emotional roll-a-coaster I had nothing could keep my heart from dropping all over again. I felt a little bit like a zombie as everything was being explained to me. I mean what else could I do right?…I remember the moment the lactation nurse left, my tears I held in check finally fell down my cheeks. I had already gone through so much emotionally with the birth and the both of our physical healing post-partum, why couldn't it get a little easier now that the worst was over for both of us...I went into the bathroom in the hospital recovery room to gather myself because I know that my little one would be arriving and my family would be soon in my room too. To ensure that I would do as instructed I ended up renting a breast pump machine to take home. No matter the stories of all the women before you (of for those of you who bothered reading any of those maternity books because I definitely didn't), nothing and no one prepares you for the heart wrenching feeling you have as a new mom who can't feed her baby...I used to have countless feeding times or the times on the breast pump where I would cry in silence because I felt like I was only providing, not even half, of what my baby really needed from me. My oldest, to young and too soon got accustomed to baby formula. It wasn't until her three month check up that the pediatrician really explained to me how vital a mother's breast milk was to the newborn regardless of it's quantity, as long as it was directly coming from me. 

This time around I guess you could say that I'm actually enjoying the afterglow of pregnancy and post delivery. Yes I'm exhausted but I'm also euphoric because this time around I'm partaking in more things that unfortunately I wasn't able to fully enjoy or appreciate until it was already too late with my oldest, post delivery. Night feedings with my oldest didn't last long because she would be more full due to the formula milk so that in turn put her into a steady schedule for sleeping through the night from a month on. Granted this time around I don't get to sleep as much during the night because my youngest is always hungry and my milk production continues for her. But whether my youngest or oldest, I have to say there is something truly enchanting when you see this new baby's eyes looking up at you around 2am in the morning...Her trusting eyes look at me knowing that there's some kind of time difference for her compared to the day, but there's so much unknown trust and love for you as she's looking at you. No one can can begin to fathom unless or until they have their child in their arms. There were minimal or more like close to no "hard nights" as many other women say or tell. I was blessed with the wisdom my mother and grandmother gave me, so both my daughters have been sleeping beautifully through the night. Although, I can probably count on one hand the difficult nights that I had with both of them. That's when it hit me, to write about one of the few occurrences where it was both hard and emotional for me...

One night (about a month and a half after my youngest's birth) it was the feeding time for my youngest. My mother had already helped so much and I frankly didn't feel like waking up ex husband (now anyway because we were married at that time) because I didn't feel like dealing with his half efforts. If you're thinking or asking, yes he was helpful to a very small extent; he would do something than either go back to sleep or he would be half asleep doing something that I needed done five minutes ago (men when they try, they just need to frankly try harder-no offense guys). My newest little one was wailing her head off she was  so hungry, so I tried to make sure that she wasn't waking anyone up...My little one apparently woke up with a tummy who was starving! So I wasn't able to pump the milk in advance as I was usually doing, so out came out the breast and I began to breast fed her straight. I automatically knew in that moment that it wasn't going to be an easy feeding time for her and that I would have to war up a formula milk to "top her off". However, that didn't help in my already over stressed like feeling from earlier that week. I was so stressed that week so my milk production wasn't that high as normal. The moment I was adjusting myself in the sitting position, her little mouth on my breast was dislodged from it's location; so the moment I took baby girl away from my breast she started to cry. I quickly made sure that all doors were closed and that the people I didn't want to wake up wouldn't be awoken by her cry's. I started to warm up the milk and my baby kept wailing out loud, everything that would help her for a bit didn't help. 

She was inconsolable even the moment that the milk bottle was ready. I had to try to calm her before even giving her the bottle so that she would take it. I remember that I started to tear up, that I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks as I watched her finally suckling on the bottle nipple. I began to cry harder as I caressed the right side of her face while she ate. I started imagining the moms with no help or assistance from anyone/family...I started thinking about the women who were as surprised as I was when I was first pregnant - you don't really know what to do...How they must feel in their desperation to console and provide for the baby but feel has if they have nothing to offer due to the circumstances. 

I hope that someone gives them the support they need. That someone can give them hope. That someone can tell them, it's ok. It's hard but it's ok. You're doing the best that you could be doing and don't think that it isn't enough! I couldn't help but cry more on thinking how difficult it could or must feel for a mom who can't produce breast milk and instead spends so much money on formula. I hope and pray for the women, who doesn't get to feel the most intimate of moments with your baby as you breast feed them-it's ok if you didn't or don't-it doesn't make you less of a mom and your baby knows you love them. I pray for the moms who do it alone-that they can find hope and know their rainbows will come and the hard days will walk hand in hand with the good. I hope that the moms who've loved and lost their little ones-without experiencing the full extents of motherhood-know that you're baby is in a beautiful place and there's nothing wrong with still remembering them, it wasn't anything that you did wrong...for the moms who see no hope in conception, there's always adoption-so many children who have always wished for the warm embrace of a loving parent, they may be the perfect fit for you. In general, moms need hope, love, support, and a caring touch too...

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman

Art and Crafts Outside - Family Life

This post is meant to correlate to a previous post I wrote, regarding gardening ideas. I mean what better way to spend quality time with your kids while it’s also an educational piece, if not when gardening. 

I don’t think I’ve met a child under the age of 10 who doesn’t like playing with dirt - oh who are we kidding I don’t believe any of us ever get tired of playing with dirt! With that being said why not spend some time with your kids outdoors by having them help you garden. Teach them about the plants that you’re planting, have them help you in fixing the planters and placing the plants in each planter, to fill them with water after putting the necessary plant feed, then fixing their location where they are to grow. Kids are hungry for attention but they’re hungrier for the compliments/satisfactory praise from their parents especially knowing that they’ve accomplished something and have it to show for. You can even make it into a multiple part activity, like I did for my daughters.

Part one was to literally have a shopping trip with my daughters to gather all of the supplies with some brainstorming creative ideas for the planters and future gardening expansion. Part two involved picking an afternoon with nice weather to be able to spend the afternoon with the tasks. Made sure my daughters were in comfy and athletic clothes without concern of getting dirty or messed up (while still looking cute of course :p ). I was happy that I managed to pick the perfect day to plant and be outside with them and the entire time it was smiles, laughing, and playing with dirt! Although I’ll admit that I didn’t think the entire arts and crafts portion, this part make sure you do before the planting of your plants :) Our part three entailed the official arts and crafts time and it was on a separate day. Even if they weren’t as actively participating in this part as they were in part two, they still did some painting, drawing,  and spent more time outdoors with mommy. 

So always remember that even the smallest of moments with your kiddos making them laugh and smile will be their memories for a lifetime… 

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman

Family and You - Family Life/Relationships

Have you ever bothered to ask someone if they’re family oriented or if they’re close to their family? It’s always interesting for me to hear their explanation and also notice when their verbal claim contradicts their actions in life. Its something interesting to find in passing with friendships but I find it extremely fascinating to observe when the answers provided are by those you’re dating/becoming seriously involved with. If you haven’t, then just broach this conversation with someone and see where it leads…

Now for the purpose of this post :) For starters are you a “Family Oriented” person or are you a person that was brought up in a “close knit family like upbringing” or are you “dedicated to family.” I know what you’re thinking, is there a difference and why so many options; probably didn’t even think that there was more than two options. In case you’re wondering what the difference is, allow me to elaborate a little by how I personally define the differences and how google defines it. Actually, we shall begin with how Google defines “close knit family” - bound together by intimate social or cultural ties or by close economic or political ties. My definition goes like this - a family that congregates (whether by blood relation or extended family) on major holidays, family as well as life emergencies, social events, and that have a close or semi close relation in communication daily or at least weekly/monthly depending on personal lives. Where there may be gaps in the timeframe of communication but you can easily just pick up where you last left off. Google defines “family oriented” as - the family that you were born into and/or someone who has their family at the heart of all that they do and all the decisions that they make. My definition goes like this - the family your born into by blood/adoption who you communicate with either once a week (as a minimum) or possibly daily as a (maximum); that you don’t just see them for major holidays and family functions/events but for every birthday/anniversary and family gathering. Google defines “dedicated to family” as - committing yourself to family and everything your family entails, where you’re meaning of life and purpose, is to surround yourself with family. My definition goes a little like this - where you main purpose and way of life is specifically surrounded around the family and all that it entails, even if it puts your own social/personal life on hold or at risk, because the individual is more committed to the family ties then to create new “family ties” of their own, outside of their family unit. 

So why, you may ask, am I even writing about this? Well, a few weeks ago (as well as about a few months back in another occurrence) there was a conversation at the dinner table amongst family members (I know the irony) about how the family unit in society today has changed from what it once was, when my uncles and parents were younger. Obviously, as the years pass so do the fads and phases of social teachings but what typically remains key to progress and adults in the world is their upbringing or the kind of exposure they have with/to their family. Pretty much up until my sister and I, some ways of life have changed amongst our family. For example, my parents and their siblings didn’t go out of their state and/or city for their college/university education per say - during their times their parents deemed that to be unnecessary regardless of the many benefits/scholarships and advantageous possibilities for their own futures; simply just unheard of in addition to life circumstances to not having the financial possibility. Well what about scholarships and student loans, you may ask, yes even regardless of two of my uncles having full rides for their academic careers there was more concern for external variables and them being away from home than their future careers. Which brings us to the example of my cousins currently, where my dad’s brother’s kids all stayed local except for one (the oldest) and my mom’s sisters children are definitely doing outside our family norm because not only are they both going out of town for their schooling, they’re staying/have stayed in the dorms along with the oldest not even living in the same state for his master’s degree; he’s literally across the nation! Another example towards the content of the conversation had at the dinner table was about dating and when you’re involved in a serious relationship. Obviously circumstantial variables play into these next few statements like single parents/parenting, perhaps you’re the caretaker of your elderly parents, etc - those are the circumstantial variables I’m referring to, which are all understandable variables as well.

If you’re dating someone yet you’re making your family more important than the person you’re trying to get serious with, then what gives that person you’re seeing the notion or hope that they will ever become just as important to you as your family. There’s a difference between being brought into someone’s circle and being hopeful that you’ll be creating a new circle with that person altogether. Yes love is not fragile, its understanding, and the many other wonderful virtues but to help nurture the “love” you have to give the person the “feeling” of appreciation with the hope their your time will soon be their time, not that they will always be put on the back burner-this applies to both male and females by the way. Please don’t try to dissect my statement as there is nothing hidden between the lines, just making observational statements. How can you expect someone to make you important in their lives if you don’t make the attempt to make them feel important in your life, or at least to be considered important in your life. Yes, open communication about things that occur with family will be appreciated and go a long way but also not jumping ship on plans you’ve made with your significant other because of family (outside of family emergencies) is a little dumb-founding and questionable. Always imagine how you would feel if the tables were turned; women tend to say when annoyed, “every time mommy calls he stops what we’re doing and we have to do what his mom needs even if it’s something simple like going to the store to pick up something. It’s not like she’s needing it at that moment!” Or I’ve heard the comments made by men, “I can appreciate and value how family oriented she is but I feel like we can’t do anything together if it’s not around her family all the time. I don’t mind it sometimes but not all the time and at every occasion, how else am I supposed to learn about her personally if it’s always in a group setting and it’s not focused undivided attention.”

I personally see myself as “an evolved family oriented” person (to my sister it’s what she likes to call “Americanized Hispanic”). I thoroughly enjoy my family when we come together and at the family/social functions however, I’m of the mindset of limitations towards how much family time is involved. Birthday’s for little ones up until the 18th birthday are nice however thereafter I’m of the mindset to ask the person what they want to do for their birthday not force a full family gathering for it, every birthday automatically. The older/elderly is a nice treat for them to still have the family gathering so obviously that’s a yes for me. I do not believe in celebrating anniversaries together as a family unless it’s those major numbers unless the couple is wanting to involve the family at their discretion. A prime example for me is Christmas and New Years, where my family is used to being together almost every day from Christmas Eve until New Year’s Day. I think that’s lovely every other year or every couple of years, but literally to do that every year - yea I don’t think I can do that or at least give me the option of New Year’s Eve without family or family plan…I think I shall digress now…

I suppose, if you are to take anything away from this post it’s about some self reflection on what type of “family” person are you?

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman

Gardening Ideas or Your Outdoor Space - General

Whether you like to garden/plant on a budget or perhaps are looking for an inexpensive activity with many fruitful effects this post is for you! 

This has been something I’ve been doing since the spring of 2019 and it’s been working like a charm, not only from the perspective of my wallet but also that of “family activity time” as well as “gardening”. I remembered when I was little that my grandfather (on my moms side) had a beautiful backyard that had a wide variety of flowers and bushes. I use to think to myself, especially considering how peaceful his yard seemed, that one day I would love to create my own serene garden but hopefully also do some vegetation or herbs. In case your wondering no I don’t have some large backyard (yet) but I came to realize during the winter of 2018, that your “serene garden” isn’t limited to the square footage or space, its what you make of it. So I took the time to measure my large patio space so that I could figure out what how to make the most of the space since I had plenty of time to purchase items and really envision the space I wanted. The point I want you to understand at this point of the post, is that I was making use of the time prior to spring 2019 arriving. Take the time to envision and create your space/garden because as my grandfather used to tell me in his garden, the plants also need love and attention so if you don’t give the area love and a nurturing feeling your plants won’t thrive. Well when this commencement of thought process began for my garden, we (my daughters and I) were living in a three bedroom apartment home that had this lovely patio entrance, in addition to the main door entrance. The image below shows the main living area in front of the kitchen space, that’s where the patio entrance from the exterior was. So what I was envisioning was a space that would allow me to see/hear my children play while I was in the kitchen, a place that would be fun for my girls while being a place of relaxation for me, something outdoors that would allow delicious and soothing fragrances, a place of entertaining visitors, and most of all a place where I could possibly sit down to look/listen to the storms that rolled in (or perhaps enjoy the outdoor sounds while being inside the home.) With that mental visualization of the space, I was able to begin brainstorming on the types of plants I would be planting. Obviously being a single mom since then, budgeting is always something I’m conscientious about, so these ideas are price efficient :) In case you’re worried about that.

I had budgeted a total of $800 for my patio idea…so I began with what I thought would be the most expensive, the patio furniture (which I still have to this day and continue to re-use in this new home we’ve been in). Contrary to online furniture buying phobias many have, I was and continue to be successful in my online purchases through Amazon. I bought my patio set of two rocker chairs with a loveseat bench and all their cushions, in addition to an end table-all for $396.72 (that’s includes the shipping on Amazon Prime). In case you’re wondering there are still some good patio sets online for that price even if mine was purchased back in 2019. The apartment home did have it’s patio light but it wasn’t LED and it was an awful bright light that served it’s purposes to shed light but didn’t help in mood or just enjoying the outdoor space, so I ended up purchasing all the outdoor LED lighting (yes that I can and have re-purposed still today); pendant lights to hang (a total o four of them) and these two string lights that I ended up wrapping around the little fence area posts - all for a total cost of $89.98 (all lights were purchased from Amazon). The outdoor lighting was all wireless (battery operated and came with a remote) and considering that they weren’t plugged in and I used the lights almost every night during the nice weather and storms, battery life was considerably surprising to me. $18 a piece for the stone pieces (purchased from Home Depot) for the entrance of the gate and $10 for the door entrance mat (from Wal-Mart). $118.72 for the plants and planters, but they were from two different locations; all planters were purchased from Wal-Mart (a total of 10) along with four small cilantro plants, two rosemary plants, and four small sweet mints. The reason for the purchase of these specific small plants at Wal-Mart was because these plants thrive and grow quickly if done right so it’s not about purchasing a large plant but finding the best ones TO plant; they’re also way less expensive :) You see, the small plants can all be planted together and in doing so their roots will all expand nicely into the planters and provide you quick new “buds” or extensions of their branches, in turn giving you a very “full” or “bushy” plant in your planter. The more you cut and use them, the quicker it grows and replenishes as well. I digress and move on…Three plant food packages, two large lavender plants, two lemon-thyme plants, two lemongrass plants, a small cherry tomato plant, and a small jalapeño plant - were all purchased at Home Depot along with the one large bag of All Purpose Garden Soil. Then at Ollies, I found this great square artificial turf mat (with the idea of myself or the girls ever just wanting to sit down on the ground) that was mold resistant and could get wet and be used for outdoors.  

Why you may ask the garden soil and not the vegetation soil or whatever other special soil, I’m not sure except to answer that question with, my grandfather proved to me that special soil was never required for his plants so I continued with that belief and rule (instead of also dishing out more money for the soil) and observed how my “green thumb” would be. So this soil has been doing wonders and working quite well for me for all my plants since! And yes I still use that soil today with my plants. All that being said, the grand total of it all comes out to be $711.22. 

Also in case you were wondering why I chose those specific plants, here’s the reason why :) First off I’m sure everyone can agree to hating mosquitos or bugs of any kind entering your home, yet you’re wanting to enjoy the outdoors or the ability to have the screen door/mesh only at your entrance doors. Lavender, lemongrass, lemon-thyme, sweet mint, and rosemary are the most poignant natural mosquito repellants-so if you have those planted as closest to your entry doors you eliminate those pesky flying bugs from entering into your domain, especially if you get into the habit of slightly “petting” or rubbing on those plants every time you open the doors. I have confirmed to this day that wherever I’ve lived no annoying mosquito’s have affected the three of us! Also all the plants I’ve chosen can be used for cooking as well as creating herbal teas (whether hot or cold). 

This brings me to the right here and right now, Spring 2022 where I now do have a yard but haven’t created the backyard “paradise” that I want yet…however I have started on my plants. $63.84 got me the image you see below; four planters, two packages of plant food, one large bag of soil, three lemon thymes, one rosemary, one lavender, and three cilantro plants. It’s a start for one door entry and since those were all planted on April 9th, I’ve been able to cook and make plenty of things since with them since they’re growing like weeds. You’ll see when it comes to my next post ;) 

Once I start the backyard creation I’ll also let you know how that goes and what ways I was able to save for that!

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman

Uppababy - Family Life

Before I begin, no I’m not being paid to advertise for the Uppababy brand or products, but I do feel compelled to write about them!

First off, I’m not going to lie and tell you that the products are cheap because they are most definitely not! It is one heck of a brand and worth the investment that’s for sure, for more than one reason as well. Secondly, they have items/products for newborns to pretty good size toddlers and yes newborns even include the premises. My parent’s did help me in purchasing the stroller set in 2016 (which was close to $700+ and that wasn’t even including the tax) and at the time it was pretty expensive but now I believe it’s more. I’ll have to google and check that out by the time I finish this blog.

My ex-husband knew it was the brand I was also more comfortable with for the car seat and safety (he gave his own approval as well at the time) so we purchased the car base and car seat. The car seat works as an attachment to the actual stroller which is convenient and SO its lightweight/functional to use, not only for a first time mom but also for a mom in recovery from post-delivery. I won’t also won’t lie by saying there are no other strollers that can compare, because there are but there aren’t. It depends on the use and purpose of your baby equipment and if you’re asking yourself what I mean, allow me to explain. There are some other lightweight strollers, strollers that can be easily “folded” to accommodate a mom not being able to carry/lift heavy things outside of their baby; then there’s the strollers that are large and bulky but functional for everything to be stored in it but not small enough to fit anywhere in a vehicle. Whereas you have some interesting combo strollers that are actually part of the car seat, you just have to wait until you detach the car seat from it’s base so that it transforms into the portable stroller. The reason why I highly recommend the lighter and fully functional Uppababy stroller (because they are) is because of what I envisioned my use of it. Many of you moms or soon to be mom’s will understand what I mean when you start or have gone stroller and car seat shopping. See I found that the lighter in weight you go with a stroller you loose the solid control, functionality, and sturdiness of the stroller to be able to use it with confidence and security for the safety of your child. I knew I wanted a stroller that had a semi-universal use (aka-meaning that if I didn’t buy, more like couldn’t afford the Uppababy car seat) any car seat brand would be able to attach the (whatever brand) stroller I was/would be buying. I knew I wanted my stroller to have enough “cargo” space for anything I was carrying for the baby (future baby’s) but that I wouldn’t have to worry so much about tipping over if too heavy, or when ever I move the baby/s around. I also knew I wanted to have the possibility of a dual function stroller should there ever be twins in my future or the possibility of close aged children to where the stroller could handle and have more than one child’s seat attached. Don’t get me wrong there are some nice ones out there but the ease and functionality of the multiple seats and the use of those seat locations is wonderful on the Uppababy stroller. The stroller needed to also not be so bulky for the ease of traveling whether by care or flights, but most especially when it came to sitting in a restaurant. Have you never paid attention to how annoying some of those strollers can be when you’re having lunch/dinner in a restaurant (its even more annoying when you’re passing a large party). I also mainly wanted to ensure that the stroller purchase could be an investment to be used (if taken care of correctly) for more children in the future. 

You may be asking then why do their stroller cost so much? Simply put, because it includes more than just the stroller that’s why. It folds down to a nice size, with an attachment stroller seat, and a bassinet. Don’t worry I’ll do a break down of the items with their pros and cons, especially since I used them all for both my kids.

The car seat:

This is unfortunately not part of the stroller purchase and is a separate item. The car seat is secured into the base that has both the two latched to attach to the car seat “handles” that are usually hidden at the transition from the back of the seat to the actual seat of the back row. Then you are supposed to “snap lock” in place as well, the vehicles seat belt. The base has a special “lock” function for safety for the baby being in the car seat. It’s rear facing and has breathable (but a little warm for the TX heat) fabric lining. When you “unlock” the car seat it connects to the stroller. It’s not without some effort but because of how secure the car seat “locks” onto the stroller I was perfectly alright with a little effort being put into the placement of the car seat on the stroller. The best part was depending on the circumstance you can easily rotate the car seat to go from rear facing to forward facing on the stroller itself.

The stroller seat attachment:

AKA-this is known as the “toddler seat” for the Uppababy product line. This comes with the stroller purchase and also has the special “locking” mechanisms to secure the seat on the stroller. This item can also be forward or rear facing when attached to the stroller. There’s also a unique attachment (not included that will requires to be purchased separately to use) to adjust the “height location” of where the placement of the seat is on the stroller; another-wards, if there is a need for the seat to be higher to accommodate more cargo at the bottom of the stroller, this is one way to adjust it’s location. If you aren’t wanting to attach car seats and only use this seat on the stroller (because you can keep this seat attached on the stroller and have it still “fold” easily) then you would purchase separately the “inserts” for the premie baby and/or the newborn “insert”. One of the best parts of this piece on the stroller is that it can have the baby/toddler sitting up right with their legs at a perfect 90degree angle from their torso or they could be at almost a complete horizontal position for if the baby/toddler fell asleep. So imagine more peaceful and longer walks or adventures and outings where you wouldn’t have to concern yourself with if the baby/toddler was ok and comfortable and they rested with ease.

The bassinet attachment: 

I have to admit when my mom and sister were explaining to me that the bassinet would help, all I saw (more like foresaw) was that I was going to have double work on the exiting and entering of the vehicle with the baby. Well looking back even to this day it’s still one of the best purchases I ever made. The bassinet “locks” into the stroller just like the toddler seat ad car seat mentioned above. Also with the same capabilities of the other two attachment items, you could have the bassinet facing forward or rear-facing from where the stroller handle bar is located. Believe me, I was in a similar disbelief of how convenient and how much of a life save this little item was as a first time mother. Why do you ask? Let me see if I can paint you a picture…

Imagine that you feel confidant in the routine you and your baby have accomplished and you’re feeling a little adventurous into going out. Perhaps its a nice evening dinner with either your family or significant other/husband/fiancé/baby daddy is in order or maybe its both altogether. Anyone would simply just keep the baby in the car seat and have the car seat taking up a chair space at the table, whether by placing the car seat on the reverse end of a high chair or if the restaurant has the car seat sling or you’re simply putting the car seat on one of the table chairs and have the baby facing you. The fact remains that after a while the baby is going to get either hungry (in turn wanting to be adjusted in the seat or want out to be breastfed) or fussy because they’ve been in the car seat for too long. If you’re not wanting the baby to get used to being arm held all the time then it could cause some anxiety especially in the restaurant where all eyes and ears are at attention to your baby crying/fussing or point blank you’re wanting to just have an adult moment while having your child with you and eat in a somewhat peaceful manner. Another aspect of all this is that you can’t just lug around the car seat to change the baby’s diaper-especially when they’re deep asleep and you realize while you’re eating that they need changing! So hopefully I’ve painted somewhat of a setting and circumstantial outing. Now take all that information/scenario and incorporate the Uppababy stroller with the bassinet; here comes my personal story.

This is exactly what I would do and I enjoyed all outings, dinners, and events with my child/children in tow. I would carry over the baby into the bassinet in two different manners: 1)if it was nice weather I would simply have or have someone else already have the bassinet attached to the stroller forward facing (to make it easier to carry out of the car seat in the car to have the baby layout in the bassinet or 2)if it was cooler or cold weather/raining outside then I would ask someone to give me the bassinet, which I would then place in my lap, then transfer the baby over from the car seat to the bassinet and make sure that they were covered as well as as nice and snuggled so that the cold air wouldn’t hit them directly. Side note, the lining of the bassinet is wonderfully made to be breathable and yet especially warm for the cold temperatures. Back to my story now. Stroll into the establishment for the meal/event and if it’s a restaurant then I make sure to inform the host that they can remove one chair from the table because the stroller will take up the same amount of room that the chair they’re removing did. I remember getting so many looks of disbelief but they would still do as asked. If I entered the establishment with the bassinet opening facing the stroller handle bar then once I would be seated somewhere I would rotate (with baby still inside) the bassinet to have it forward facing. Then simply check on the baby and adjust if necessary, then push in the bassinet underneath the table (again as if it was a chair being pushed to the table). Keeping the baby around the noise of family members voices and sounds; this was especially nice when the baby was older and trying to sit up/sitting up already, because I felt secure in their area always being clean and they could easily entertain themselves with toys in their bassinet while still being a part of the table and not in those uncomfortable high chairs or having to deal with all the additional pieces of putting on the high chair for the comfort and entertainment of the baby. My favorite part (as odd as these two next parts sound) was never having to leave the table unless it was literally to use the restroom myself because yes there’s that much possible privacy in changing your baby in the bassinet as well as having them nap right after feeding! So you wouldn’t have to ruin the meal/event and feel pressured to hurry up and get out because of the baby. In turn, allowing you to still feel like a human being :p or an adult who is enjoying motherhood.  

Granted some maneuvering and getting used to the products was in order, but for me personally, after about two weeks of use it came in stride and I enjoyed every minute out when I was out. Reselling has it’s value to if you would like to know…So that’s my schpeel and hope this helps in your future children plan/budgeting.  

Sincerely,

A Distinct Female

Family History - Family Life

Family History

I see all these commercials and packages in the aisle of Walgreens or CVS that will provide you information on your blood line and the history of your ancestors…On one side of the spectrum I see that and I’m mind boggled at why this is something we can now just buy. Then there’s my fascination of how far we’ve come in modern technology/science as well as the evolving human curiosity that sparks these things you can buy to have some form of tangible conclusion, when you receive your results. So how wonderful it is that people can either find this information out and perhaps have a better understanding of their background or find out more about their past family members in general.

Although in turn this brings out my observational curiosity. What is it about the past six plus years or so that’s prompted this high rise in the fascination of someone’s lineage/family history? What’s changed in people or in society altogether to invest time and money into doing this? Why is it so important to have this information at hand? More importantly why are you resorting to these methods instead of the ole traditional method in finding out about your family tree and history? Why aren’t you asking the ones in your family that have the most information and knowledge of your family history - that’s right great grandparents (if they’re alive) and/or grandparents? With that being said (or I guess asked), I understand that’s something not always a possibility for some especially broken families or perhaps families that have disintegrated over the years or families that have just separated lives altogether. Regardless of all that, it’s really not too late to ask your own parents, grandparents, and/or great grandparents. If you haven’t done so I urge you to do it! Oh right, you’re swamped with work or so busy with the kids (believe me I can appreciate that number) or perhaps you’re workings two jobs while juggling school and barely have enough time for yourself…whatever excuse you have, the fact remains that the information is at your disposal so just either pick up the phone, drive to visit that family member or family members, or shoot get a pen and paper and write a damn letter to those older generations of wisdom who are used to written letters instead of emails. Because if you have time to swipe left/right on tinder, see what the newest video is on TikTock or whatever social media is out there, I’m pretty darn sure that you can spare the time to figure out what your family history and blood line is. 

I’ll admit that I used to be a person who didn’t care enough to ask my grandparents either, thankfully becoming a mom changed that. I actually took the time to draw out a family tree because I knew that once my daughters were older, there are going to be questions of people in pictures with them…questions about the family altogether and unfortunately many people they will have grown up with may not be here to explain it or tell them stories of the past-as I was blessed to have and perhaps on occasion even took for granted in the initial phase of adulthood. Don’t waste your time and money yet at the aisles of a convenience store, instead use that as your last resort after you’ve tried talking to your own family members. I mean what a grand thought right? To actually have a conversation with family around you - mind blowing information huh? (That was sarcasm by the way :) )

Yours Truly,

A Distinct Woman