The Old w/The Young - Family/Relationships

Before my divorce I used to keep hearing the phrase "it takes a village to raise kids/a kid" but I don't think I actually agree with that premise. I believe even more now with conviction post-divorce and also being born into a semi-large Mexican/Hispanic family. I'm sure if my family reads my blog theres a lot of things they would be shocked to have been reading or to be finding out about one of their family members, since I don't always agree or go along with their mannerisms and/or all of their traditions per say...

After not only knowing instinctually that my two kids are not the same, through the extensive observation I'm noticing and witnessing some of their newly found habits as well as what defines them individually as they continue to grow. I do feel that there basis or the foundation in character and personality stems from their own personal observation of their environment in addition to the solid parent whose been there for it all no matter what - that would be me by the way, in case you couldn't piece that together. Due to their age, I feel this is only contributing to 60% of who they are, 20% comes from their interaction with the world around them whether that be through their school, playdates, social interactions with other kids and their parents, perhaps Sunday church school, Sunday church/Mass, or perhaps directly with their friendships that they've created with other children. The remainder 20% I feel concludes with the adult role models and the adults period that they have exposure to in their outings, setting at home, as well as their social interactions outside the home/family life (whether that's extended and/or immediate and/or both). 

So what does the above paragraph all mean? That it doesn't take a village to raise a child it just helps to have a village in the caretaking of the child so the mother doesn't necessarily go insane! If done right, that is. Otherwise its possible that the "village" you've surrounded yourself in becomes the bad example or worse for your children - they'll end up picking up on really bad habits or perhaps begin reflecting awful character examples as the other adults around them. See for me I think it the oldest members of the family that dictate the vibe of the family, in turn playing an important role in the lives of the children.

By the way, yes the above images are MY personal images taken by my camera and are NOT meant for redistribution nor to be copy/pasted and used elsewhere. I will hunt your ass down if you try to save these images and pass them off as your own!...squirrel and moving on! :)

How your kids see how the oldest members are treated and the relationships that your kids have with them will be a huge contributor to their lives growing up and impact them in a manner which I feel many don't foresee or understand. I know, I know not everyone is as blessed to even have living grandparents or even to have great grandparents alive for that matter; for those that do have grandparents and great grandparents still a part of your families, relish and cherish the moments you have with them because there will come a day in which they will no longer be a part of the pictures...moving on, the kids will notice not only how these eldest members of the family are cared for but how they are talked to, how others in the family see them, and especially how they are all treated. Children are already very observant so them seeing how the adults in the family and how their attitudes are towards these specific family members will play a crucial role in their respect for authority as well as their own emotions towards those members. Again, at least that's what I feel...

See my kids have been very blessed with grandparents and even great grandparents on not only my side of the family but that of my ex husband. However, it is my oldest who has had the most exposure to all generations on both sides of the family, whereas my youngest has only had exposure to my side of the family with minimal to almost none with my ex husbands side of the family. I mention this particular detail because though both my kids were exposed to the wiser family members, my oldest though loving and caring towards her elders (the grandparents and great grandparents) she does only the means of etiquette in being loving, responsive, and in her interaction with her elders where my youngest goes out of her way in caring and being like a nurse/caretaker to the elders in the family, aways checking to see if they are needing or should need anything. Both kids having a healthy and loving exposure to the elders while also both having noticed/witnessed different levels of care for the elders-leading to their own evolving interactions. This I feel and believe to be the start of my kids ability in discerning how they want their relationships to be towards their grandparents and great grandparents as well as also coming to a new sense of understanding to how familial relationships are to continue. You see without this healthy exposure towards the elderly, I feel that the kids may begin or have a minimal percentage of disruption towards the family and all its family members. 

Which leads into the main focus of this post, why I believe with conviction that it does not in fact take a village to raise children/a child. I believe that bonds and healthy role models are what influence, encourage, and mold the little lives that are our children; in retrospect this also doesn't automatically mean it has to be all family members and it doesn't mean that any one specific family member is this for our kid/s. Having family whether extended and/or immediate is helpful to social interactions and balanced relationships for the growth of the child/children I feel that it serves more as a purpose to assist the parents/parent for the caretaking needs  while also assisting parents/a parent so they aren't completely burnt out (whether as a new parent/s or experienced and having their sixth child or something) or struggling with their mental health. Children are already equipped with chameleon like abilities in addition to being resilient so whether a "whole village" is there for the child/children or not they are going to continue day by day regardless of the world and circumstances-its just up to the parent/parents/guardian to ensure the right "world" surrounds them at least until their an adult in the eyes of the law because then they will begin to experience their own journey. We just hope that they allow us to be near by or maintain that open communication when they do so...

Are you close to your grandparents or great grandparents? Or who were you're role models growing up?

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman 

Fun Girls Night - General/Relationships

Looking back at my time in high school and in college I never could understand the frat house parties or the dumb clubs/organizations that would have these big throw-out parties. For anyone who knows me, I've never gotten along with my own age group. I always gravitated towards older and more mature individuals who were my age OR in general an older crowd. In addition, I also had very few friends that were girls. Call it being severe on my own sex, hating drama, or perhaps just in general didn't want to deal with immature girls that didn't know how to handle life - so my friends mostly consisted of guys. I did have a rule though, I didn't want to be friends with a guy I was attracted to-complicated things. Moving on! So where am I going with all fo this you might ask :) 

So where am I going with this little intro...brings me to the picture below of what our version (my sister and I) of a "girls night" entailed. See when you have a good group you don't need to go to any night clubs, dance clubs, bars, lounges, or anything else! I mean unless you just want to go out and try a new restaurant then sure let's go out, otherwise this what we would do. The group would have an organizer (which was typically my sister) and the items were usually divided up. Someone would bring the desserts, then it would be potluck for the food, our household provided all of the booze, the movie, regular drinks, snacks, and of course the movies and extra bedrooms for anyone who wanted to stay over :p The picture below is just one of the fun girls night we had-if I remember correctly the last person who wanted to head on out to their home left at 3am while the remainder had a sleepover in our guest bedrooms. 

So the few mutual girlfriends that my sister and I had throughout my 20s included some fun, but I've always been picky with the women I allow into my circle and so should you...you are defined by the company you keep, so if drunks and immature people are who you are always associated with, then unfortunately that may be also how someone interprets you...fruit for thought.

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman

Don't Create "Jealous" Children - General/Family

I never understood when I used to hear classmates say that they were jealous of their siblings, or when I would see how some parents would make statements like "he/she is always pulling her siblings toys or has these jealous like tantrums-they're just still adjusting to the new sibling" or the "they're just still learning each other and you know boys will be boys" or "she was used to being our only princess so we think its hard on her now with the new sister, I'm sure she'll get used to it..." There's really so many more other statements I've heard but not going to repeat them all! 

What am I getting at you may ask? Simply this, the child adjusting to the new baby is paying attention to YOUR statements and YOUR vibes...so if the siblings begin to have a "jealous streak" it's because of you, the parent! I feel that jealousy among siblings is something that transferred or created by the parent/s not necessarily because the child actually feels that emotion. I'm not saying this is a fact, it's just based off of my observation of other parents and their parenting style in addition to witnessing that of my own household with my kids. You see my oldest was still basically a baby when I was pregnant again, therefore I knew that though my oldest was used to my doting on her and also all my attention focused on her, I decided to try to make a bridge so to speak, between my kids...

I started to have my oldest partake in certain chores with me, so that I was still spending time with her but not necessarily doting time on her. This was a good way to transfer regular house chores into helping me once her sibling came into the picture. Another thing that I feel was important was the invisible bonding that I was trying to bring into play. Once the baby inside me was kicking and you could really feel it placing a hand on my tummy, I started developing these unwinding times with my oldest. Usually before nap time and always before bed, I would make myself comfortable on this one couch in my parents house and have my oldest in the v-of my legs. I would position my oldest in a manner that was comfortable to her and wouldn't put pressure on her sibling inside me! I started noticing a routine during these moments. The baby on the inside at specific moments of laughter would move inside me almost closer to her older sibling. When my oldest would move in a manner that would cause me a slight twinge of discomfort the baby inside would start to kick at the exact location where the older sibling would move her little ahead and get comfortable somewhere else. This was something that continued on until the youngest came out.

So when the baby was born she not only recognized her older siblings voice but always sensed her presence and touch. It was fascinating and spellbinding for me to witness each and every time, hell even to this moment they still do that! 

Granted the first two weeks were a slight hard on my oldest, but the adjustment phase was more due to adjusting to a crying baby when hungry and the new sleep pattern of her mommy! Otherwise the kiddos would gravitate to each other without concern and my oldest was becoming comfortable in her older sibling role! Snuggle time with my oldest she knew we still had but that other times during the day was snuggle time for the three of us. Another example of time spent together without concern would be during breast feeding. I dont know how some women can just whip out a boob and start breast feeding in front of the smaller siblings, first off if they aren't curious or dont even know what's going on with the boobs and boob milk than why the fuck would I want to bring that curiosity on now-I would rather wait until they're at the age where they are understanding better their boobs (well for females anyway). So I managed to cover up adequately during the daily feeding time of the new baby and would have my oldest, again in the v-of my legs, so I could read her books while her baby sibling ate. My oldest never was once asked what I was doing with the baby or why I was awkwardly covered, my oldest was just more excited about reading together and thought that her baby sibling was also listening to. 

I got to watch closely how my ex-husbands upbringing was with one mom, three different father figures, and two siblings from two other dads...I wouldn't say there was jealousy among the brothers but from and outsider looking in, there wasn't a truly nurturing loving bond between all three of those boys. Between watching that dynamic and my never (even to this day) and I mean never having been jealous of my sister-I vowed that I would never be the contributor to that sentiment between my kids...

So I dont know about many of you, but start small and the rewards are great at the end. Don't feed into what everyone in society claims to be "normal" because jealousy among siblings is most definitely not normal. Also make sure to include your oldest child in the chores of what you're doing for the new baby, that way they partake in the time of the parents and dont necessarily feel lonely or that time isn't being spent with them. 

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman

The Oceanaire Seafood Room - Restaurant Review/Recommend

With only ten locations across the nation, after having their service and their food, I can understand why they pride themselves on their food. Although, I have not personally had the food and service at their location in Dallas, TX (in the Galleria Mall) my uncle has and that same uncle was in attendance with me and my immediate family at the Washington, DC location. Locations & Menus | Oceanaire restaurants in the US (theoceanaire.com) 

I do know that the Galleria location in Dallas did get a facelift and my uncle states that their food was delicious however, hearing the praise my uncle gave to the seafood plates and the restaurant overall in Washington - well I had to write about it. It's not that the Dallas location doesn't have good service and food, my uncles claims that the better flavors in food have probably something to do with the fact that the Washington location is closest to the west coast - where some delicious seafood spots in the nation are located to begin with. Penn Quarter - Washington, D.C. | Hours + Location | The Oceanaire | Fine dining seafood restaurant in the US (image below from google search of Washington DC location) 

The DC location inside had both a cozy and yet a contemporary feel-it wasn't cold like some other contemporary interiors settings are. The establishment itself was very clean and the restrooms were well maintained. A few creaks to the flooring but I honestly don't know how long this location has been there, so I would say either poor install or perhaps the ground the establishment is at has moved. Their staff were all well reversed in the menu items, the hostesses were sweet and caring especially with my kids in tow. I know it may not seem like it or perhaps this restaurant doesn't advertise it (then again my kids are always well educated/behaved in restaurants compared to almost ALL other kids) but they were extremely family friendly to our needs that evening for dinner...I wasn't able to take pictures of everything that was ordered - I know probably not the best thing to say while I'm writing a recommendation but I'm sorry I was more focused on enjoying the experience and the food than worrying about pictures at that moment ;-) But what I did take pictures of are labeled below (image directly below this text is from google search, from a Facebook link)

We started with their fully loaded and large Seafood Tower (image above) which was both deliciously fresh and the seafood was very fresh and satisfying. I also had one of their Ceasar Salads as a side and then ordered their special they had for the evening. Finishing my meal with a deliciously crafted gluten free chocolate dessert.

So, if you happen to make a stop at one of their locations let me know or perhaps comment so others can get the feedback. 

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman 

Remembering those in the Armed Forces - General

I'm writing this post Veterans Day so since I didn't write anything for that day nor the two previous military associated holidays, figured why not encompass them all in this one. Memorial Day comes first in the year on May 29th, then the Armed Forces Day being on June 24th, and the more recent holiday being Veterans Day on November 11th.

So, what's the main difference between them all you might ask? Well from all the definitions out there this is the only way I can explain it; Veterans Day is special in our commemoration of those who dedicated their lives in serving in the Armed Forces. Whether it's those who retired and/or were honorably discharged whereas Memorial Day is honoring all the lives lost because of their service in the Armed Forces (no matter their cause of death). With Armed Forces Day commemorating all the lives in the Armed Forces that are actively and currently giving their lives to serve in the Armed Forces.

I've always admired the military branches and the special organizations that are within each branch, but I think I felt more emotionally empathetic towards those who serve when my family and I went to Washington DC and walked through some of the war memorials...

Even with the hordes of people walking through these military park areas and memorials, it's astonishingly eerie and peacefully quiet. Almost like a reverence people have as you come upon the specific areas. I'm not kidding you it was so-well for lack of a way to describe it so you understand-spell bounding while also sad. It's almost as if babies in their strollers also knew walking through! I know I personally teared up the moment was going through my photos taken and I noticed that my daughter's reflection was on the beautifully designed memorial wall with the names engraved in the wall. Because of their sacrifice at keeping the fight somewhere else, new lives (even the dumb, entitled, and egotistical asses that don't contribute back to a better world) like mine and that of my kids can enjoy the "freedom" we have compared to other nations. 

"The greatest sacrifice is when you sacrifice your own happiness for the sake of someone else."

So, here's a big thank you to all who currently served, who honorably served, and to those lives lost while in the Armed Forces fighting for a cause that us regular civilians perhaps don't fully comprehend or support.

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman 

Staunton, Virginia - General

If you're looking for a quaint little town with some history and some good places to eat and attend with your family, then Staunton, VA is the place for you. The little city is surrounded by beautiful lands around allowing the drive there to be peaceful; there are two main entries into the city, and both don't have the same landscape as you're driving in. (image below not mine, from google)

The town has a cute little train station that has the AMTRAK and other trains touring through. I haven't taken one of the day or weekend trips but it's definitely on my list of things to do, on top of the cross country one that starts in Staunton and goes across near California. 

The town itself has pretty architectural pieces, buildings, churches, as well as some delicious home cooking restaurants that are not your normal chain meals. Venturing into three so far and they have not disappointed! So, keep an eye out for those posts. (image below not mine, from google)

The city has easy access from highway 81 and should be on your list of stops to partake in on the east coast side. I know that my family and I have been enjoying and are continuing to explore the quaint little town...

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman

All Souls Day - Religious/General

For those of you who don't know, I AM a practicing Catholic. For all you haters on the Catholic faith, this post isn't for you and as I am respectful of all other Christian denominations (especially after dating so many outside of the Catholic Church) I kindly ask that you. respect my beliefs as I've done for all others. 

Now onto to what this post is about...You see we recently had two important celebrations this past week. All Saints Day and All Souls Day and for those of you who don't know, yes there is a difference between the two holidays. I love how simply the jesuit website puts it 

(https://www.xavier.edu/jesuitresource/resources-by-theme/all-saints-all-souls#:~:text=All%20Saints%27%20Day%20is%20celebrated,have%20passed%20within%20the%20faith.): "All Saints Day is celebrated to remember all saints and martyrs during Christian history, followed by All Souls Day to commemorate those who have passed on within the faith."

All Souls Day is a holy day set aside for honoring the dead. The day is primarily celebrated in the Catholic Church, but it is also celebrated in the Eastern Orthodox Church and a few other denominations of Christianity. The Anglican church is the largest protestant church to celebrate the holy day. Most protestant denominations do not recognize the holiday and disagree with the theology behind it. According to Catholic belief, the soul of a person who dies can go to one of three places. The first is heaven, where a person who dies in a state of perfect grace and communion with God goes. The second is hell, where those who die in a state of mortal sin are naturally condemned by their choice. The intermediate option is purgatory, which is thought to be where most people, free of mortal sin, but still in a state of lesser (venial) sin, must go. https://www.catholic.org/saints/allsouls/

This is all not to be confused or associated with Dia de los metros aka The Day of the Dead, something I think Americans have re-created into academia and the Disney movie Coco that this "holiday" originated in Mexico, something that is inaccurate - well at least somewhat. You see there are certain states in Mexico that have and celebrate this holiday but it's not something that's technically "Mexican made" so to say. Other Latin American cultures not just Mexican celebrate this holiday as well. I have a theory but considering that there are many "historians" or those who educate themselves on cultures and traditions, they could argue or refute my personal theory...but lets be frank, the fact is unless you submerge yourself into the culture and have lived it and breathed it for years or more importantly been exposed to the oldest of towns in Mexico you really won't get the facts behind which states in Mexico started celebrating the Day of the Dead, because believe me the family I still have in Mexico and even family friends from my parents that have had generations upon generations living in Mexico DO NOT celebrate nor have they ever understood how people claimed to to state that the Day of the Dead originated in Mexico.

Guess this is something I'm going to want to look into and find out more about...but hey don't take my word for it and do some digging of your own ;) 

For all my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ - hope you had a fun Halloween, a serene Saints Day, and a memorable All Souls Day.

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman