When I
had originally created this post, my goal was to share a testimony to other
ladies of how your spouse/partner shouldn’t handle things in addition to
providing enlightenment of what should NOT be tolerated. I was reflective and
striving to write something void of emotion and just telling a story AND
describing/conveying emotion. So, trying to keep the original content in
place the text that’s bolded are what I’ve now added or created.
Family Boundaries/Rules/Respect & Motherhood (October in 2017)…CONT.
Friday before the wedding and our
daughter didn't wake up until about close to lunch time (another big sign that
she wasn't feeling well or herself because that little one was always an early
riser) in a very snuggly and passive mood. My husband loaded up his truck, and
we started our drive-thankfully he was nice enough not to push our drive or
rush us into getting there. My daughter and I immediately fell asleep before we
even got out of the north DFW area. When we woke up, it was to make a brief
stop to stretch, I was able to change our daughter’s diaper and have some
Starbucks. After the pit stop our daughter settled back into her car seat and a
little bit into the drive, she fell back asleep, but I was worried with her harsh
breathing...I stayed awake this time until we got to the hotel. Late afternoon
and we checked into the hotel so we could get settled and my little one could
be comfortable. My husband took us to a seafood restaurant for dinner and we
took our time. I continued to feel miserable and even when we were eating, I
spent more time blowing my nose and dealing with a heated congestion that I
wasn't completely able to appreciate the seafood plate I had ordered. Early
evening is when we finally arrived at my husband's mother’s house (where his
mother moved into her boyfriend’s place and where the wedding was also to take
place). My husband's grandparents weren't there as they had spent most of the
day helping to set up and decorate so they had already retired to their hotel
room. With the night lights out and on, I must provide credit where it was due
and they made it a very nice area for the wedding. The interesting part was
that it was almost the same theme as my husband and our wedding, the theme and
coloring style – fruit for thoughts.
We arrived at around the timeframe that my husband's mother had mentioned to us to be at their house. The only pit stop we made was to the nearest Starbucks that was in route from the hotel to my husband's mother's finance's house. Got a breakfast sandwich and a venti coffee to satisfy my stomach for a little bit. Close to noon and the only individuals at the house were my husband's mother and her girlfriend who was prepping her to get ready for the ceremony (doing her hair and makeup), my husband's middle brother's girlfriend who was finishing some minor last touches while her boyfriend went out to get them lunch. So, my "brother-in-law" had the mindset to go get him and the woman he was with something...moving on! My husband's grandparents were still resting at the hotel and getting ready (which was definitely understandable considering that they were the bride's parents AND elderly (a courtesy mind you that was not offered to my parents-not because of the elderly situation but because of the fact that they were the bride's parents).
No one else was there...the family
members that were staying at the house on the groom's side had all ventured to
the football game that one of the groomsmen boys was playing in, in addition, my
husband's youngest brother was also in attendance, along WITH the groom. Now
see this was something I just couldn't understand...First of all, these boys are
not in the years of "commitment to the sport" - meaning they weren't
juniors or seniors that depended on these games for the future careers or even venturing
to please scouts of some kind in attendance for the start of their careers in sports or even a freakin scholarship. Considering that it
was a wedding and not just some event or special occasion I couldn't fathom or
comprehend how this was ok-especially considering that they would be arriving
from the game close to the ceremony timeframe-granted that men don't take long
to get ready; it's the principal and etiquette altogether. I remember feeling sorry for my
husband's mother regardless of everything. She was still a Bride to be, and it
was her wedding-how this was acceptable to me was not clear. That wasn't all
though-the groom's family wasn't even adequately dressed for a wedding. Wedding
guests dressed better and had more respect for the wedding event than the
groom's family members. I understand that it was his second marriage and her
third/fourth marriage but still-respect and courtesy for the day of the wedding! What I thought
was the worst part of all was after everyone got ready from coming back from
the football game, the damn television was turned on to the stupid college
football-which delayed people going outside for the ceremony to even begin; the
television was turned back on immediately after the ceremony as if the day was
just a fourth of July picnic or family reunion, instead of what it was-a
WEDDING!
I made sure to take the
"before pictures" of everything that was laid out and done, prior to
the commencement of the ceremony and wedding altogether. Everything just seemed
to be very unorganized, even on this day. I helped to layout the aisle runner
(for the ground) with my husband's grandmother's husband as the final touch
before the ceremony was about to begin. Before the ceremony was about to begin
(delaying it only briefly) my husband's mother requested for all her family to
be together in the master bedroom for a "pray over" of the bride led
by the bride's best friend's mother, right before the start of the wedding
ceremony. Also, something that was not provided for my
wedding-that I had deeply wanted. The procession line was being created in the
moment and that's how people moved forward. My husband's mother was saying for
her second's son girlfriend to join her son in the wedding line (but she was smart
enough or at least knew etiquette) that unless she's married to him or a part
of the groomsmen or bridesmaids (which neither were presented or selected); she
declined and joined the rest of the guests that were already seated. This is
where I found it confusing and upsetting for me. All of a sudden my husband's
mother wanted our daughter to be held in the youngest son's arms as part of the
procession line; I was expecting my husband to decline as we had originally
agreed that she would be nicely seated in his grandparents arms on the
bench-this way she didn't get over heated to provoke more or another high fever
and have her nicely and quietly settled. Instead, my husband handed our daughter
over to his brother since my hands were full of the camera equipment.
Fine ok, I let it slide and move
on...either she's obtuse enough in the moment because it's her wedding day or
dumb enough to ask if I'll be walking down the aisle in the procession line
with my husband. I kindly reminded her that I was going to be taking pictures
of the wedding. Then she decided to walk down the aisle on my husband's
arm...supposedly just a few weeks even days before this same woman had vocalized to her
eldest son (my husband) that she was thinking of walking down the aisle by
herself since she didn't want to have to choose between her biological father
giving her away or her current stepfather (married to her biological mother),
that it wouldn't be fair to either of them if she just chose one. My thought
process and what I even told my husband at that time was, "why doesn't she
just walk down with both." It's not a formal wedding as it's being done in
their back yard so why not have both her "fathers" walk her down the
aisle. Then about two weeks before the wedding she calls my husband yet again
still talking about who to walk her down the aisle...that she didn't want to
choose between one of her boys to walk her down the aisle because she couldn't
just pick one of the three...so of course it's baffling to me that she decides
to walk down the aisle with my husband (her oldest).
This sudden decision from the woman who hasn't once publicly posted on her social media how proud and happy she is of her eldest son (as she has done countless times with her other two boys), doesn't post pictures of her and my husband (even in past photos they've taken together) as she's done her other two sons - again COUNTLESS times; worse still, since the first time I entered her home and now her new permanent home, has she made visible or even printed herself pictures of my husband, our daughter, or the three of us as she has plastered everywhere the pictures of her soon to be husband's boys/her and her second and youngest son, of herself and her fiancé, or just the four boys in general (soon to be husband's boys and her second and youngest son.)
I recall so vividly, even now as I'm writing this entry post, how her little face kept looking for mine everywhere I was walking throughout the property and during the entire ceremony. I remember her eyes finding mine and giving me her pleading look, knowing that the same look in the picture I took of her, is the look she provides me when the trusting me to secure her/help her in whatever she was needing; although, because of her involvement and my photo taking I didn't just swoop in and grab her. No like an idiot I kept doing what I was doing so that my word could be honored for what I said I was going to commit to. Even if almost his whole family was making fun at my newfound passion for photography and to make a go of it...but that's irrelevant and perhaps another post story. Although they all liked my photos enough to ensure print outs and canvas enlargements! Anyway, moving along...
Long story short about the ceremony
portion; I took pictures throughout and kept an eye on my daughter while doing
it, because my husband sure wasn't. His grandmother was the one who caught a
glimpse of my hand signals to double check on our daughter as I noticed that
her cheeks were getting super red - something I was trying my damnedest to
avoid. A little warm was fine but it was damn hot outside that day! On top of
everything else she hadn't really had anything solid to eat and the time was
closing on her medication time...
Our daughter managed a few bites
but was super tired and thirsty; we (my daughter and I) said our goodbye's and my husband decides to join in and takes it upon himself to comment that after our daughter is rested, we would return to spend time with
the newly married couple. The silence between my husband and I as we drove to
the hotel was deafening and he made no stop to get her or any food or perhaps something better for how we were feeling...we arrived
at the hotel room, I proceeded to get our daughter situated and when I began
preparing her for her nap after her meds, my husband had the good sense to go
and get us some food. I was surprised and relieved...we ate in silence while
the hotel room television was on and our daughter slept. It was like that for a
while...until our daughter woke up. It was late by the time she woke up and
close to 8pm-the irony was that my husband's grandparents were arriving from the
reception to their hotel room and were able to pass by our room and see our
daughter freshly awake and rejuvenated from her nap. Our daughter was in a much
happier mood, and it was very noticeable! Once they left our hotel room we got
ready to go back to the newly married couple.
When we arrived at the couples house there was only a handful of people left over from the reception and I made a decision then that depending on our daughter I wouldn't rush to leave back to our hotel regardless of the time as she had a good long nap and I knew that my husband would want to spend some time with his family. At least that was my assumption but in reality, he spent more time with his youngest brother playing basketball while our daughter and I were with the handful of individuals relaxing in seats out on the couple's patio. We ended up leaving at a reasonably late hour, allowing me enough time to shower and do the nightly routine of getting the little one ready for bed. I had her situated and asleep in bed by around midnight and I was snuggled up next to her and relaxing a little after 1am. It wasn't a restful night as I stayed vigilant with our daughter in case, she had mucus and boogie problems, thankfully we had removed as much of the mucus with the nose suction prior to her falling asleep, so she fell into a deep sleep. I closed my eyes with the relief that the worst emotions of emotions were over and subsided because the day ended along with them! That was the hopeful thought process anyway, until Sunday that is...
Sincerely,
A Distinct Woman
No comments:
Post a Comment