(Originally written June of 2018-Didn't revise or edit to maintain the authenticity of when it was originally written.)
So, it’s been a few weeks now since we’ve been home from the beach and beach wedding. I’ve been starting to feel kind of...well largely pregnant even though I’m not that big yet. Stomach is definitely getting there but I’m just not in the aching and oh my goodness gets this baby out of me feeling yet. Do I feel more lethargic and tired lately, yes but that’s normal in this semester already so...I mention all that because regardless of how tired I’ve been feeling or how tired I’ve been getting I’m making sure that babygirl is continuing to have her weekday routine and time framed schedule. Every day is “planned” in the sense of what she does and has time for, then the keeping her mind active and alert-learning new things, being outside-out and about as much as I can with her before the baby comes and I’m in confinement. Babygirl and I have a special bond and mother-daughter relationship; she’s always been very intuitive/empathetic towards her mother and in general for emotions that someone is feeling. She’s doing things with hubby but she’s always looking to Mommy for permission (even the unspoken kind-that means where she turns to look at Mommy and asks with her eyes and waits for my nod or verbal confirmation that she can do whatever she is going to do with her dad.) Knowing all this, these past two months babygirl has gotten into this odd habit of coming into our bedroom to sleep in the middle of the night or towards the early morning hours (between 2am and 4am). You’ll hear her little pitter patter steps from her bedroom into our room and even half asleep she seems to absorb the layout and see who's awake. Well, she figured out right away when she was doing this that Mommy was always reliably awake or conscientious of her presence in the room and would always come over to my side of the bed, waiting for me to pick her up and lay her in between hubby and I. Considering that babygirl #2 cooking inside would always have my ass up at 6:30am like clockwork to pee and then have a breakfast smoothie or snack of some kind, I didn’t think it would be bad for the three of us, especially with the feat that she might get used to it and it cause problems when her sister arrived. I had faith and an unknown feeling/intuition that babygirl would be fine though.
Yes, I know probably not the best of parenting methods or moves BUT I also know my daughter very well. She’s not your typical child and is quick to pick up on adult decisions and ways. I know that this is just for the now because it’s almost like she knows she may or may not have moments like this, especially with Mommy. In turn I wanted to soak up and absorb my babygirl moments too since I knew that once babygirl #2 arrived my recovery time would have me on a different scale or timeframe than my special babygirl.
So here I am trying to keep baby girls' months during the pregnancy as normal as possible even in my condition, then keep up with her nights, only to be completely thrown off whack when my nights started to change in the start of the third trimester. After putting babygirl to bed upstairs I would relax on the only couch I was comfortable in downstairs, whether to eat something or unwind with a movie or show before heading myself in turn to bed. Well during those times or nights, hubby would be sometimes downstairs with me or already in bed while I was still awake. Then when I would go to bed, I would take a peek into my daughter's room and check on her.
Now that you know all of that it will make sense why this next part affected me so much when it happened. And NO, it wasn’t the pregnancy or hormones or whatever, it was the simple fact that it was my daughter, and the moment was very emotional for me.
You see one night after putting her to bed, I changed into my pajamas then went downstairs to the couch. Hubby had a movie already ready and just waiting on my word to hit “play.” Well about forty minutes into the movie we heard a noise so we paused it to hear or to wait a minute to see if it would occur again. When it didn’t happen again hubby said that the would check it out and proceeded to walk upstairs. He whispered my name and then when I didn’t answer I got a text on my phone. It was an image of our daughter-I quickly got up and walked as quickly as I could up the stairs to see for myself. Our daughter was sleeping on the floor next to my side of the bed-just there with her blanket. I started to tear up and the moment hubby was reaching down to pick her up I whispered loudly stating “no, I’ll take her to bed.” He got mildly irritated since I shouldn’t be caring her, but I had to-he saw me crying as I picked her up and took her to her room and into her bed. I laid her gently into her bed, wiped her hair away from her face, and tucked her into her bed. I kept quietly crying-how long had she been there, her trusting of Mommy and knowing that I would eventually show up or be there, the fact that she just waited there curled up on the side of the bed where I sleep...how does that not effect a mother or a human being for that matter.
Sincerely,
A Distinct Woman
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