Older Generation vs. Newer Generation - General

I look at the world around me and while shaking my head I wonder "what the hell happened to the good ole days?" When things seemed so much easier or at least more respectfully contained. Where a persons word meant something, the dealings of a handshake held firm and sometimes didn't require a legal document, the hardwork of a person was valued, the talents of an individual was actually compensated for, and the cost of what you wanted was manageable not ridiculously over priced to leave you for wanting...

I know the digital age is progressing and most definitely evolving however coming from someone who has seen it's progression as I was a part of the generation that continued to contribute and be witness to its fruitful growth - something both helpful yet also dangerous with how the world is going. Don't get me wrong, I do believe there is a need for certain things digital however, I miss what was once (well what I believe) to be a more peaceful time because there was no digital requirements/a need. By the way, the image below is just one I found after googling, "handshake image" so definitely NOT MY image.

I grew up in the late 80s but where the understanding and the appreciation for what was the 80s was still taught and applicable to me, well at least I took it in whole heartedly whereas others my age maybe not so much. Anyway! I remember seeing when men made dealings with handshakes and where a mans (or womans) word meant something. It was a universally understood gesture and sign of a person who was and did follow through without concern. Shoot I don't think that when a person even says "I give you my word" it means anything to anyone anymore, unless their literally old or were educated in their homes during the era's of this understanding. Handshakes and the manner in which you complete a handshake still carries importance-how someone shakes your hand, the strength and demeanor behind the handshake can be interpreted and concluded to mean something specifically. Perhaps it's not just how the handshake was but more importantly it's also about the manner in which you also give your word to someone. Once upon a time in certain businesses or transactions, signed contracts were basically used to reinforce the handshake or the verbal agreement...

Simply put now a days there's either minimal or close to none, regarding the sincerity of when someone says "I promise" or "I give you my word"...there's almost always a question of "ok what's your motive" or "are you trying to pull one over on me" because of course the newer age just doesn't fathom or live in this manner anymore...hmm maybe I'm wrong. All I know is that as a mom, this is something I'm wanting to instill in the education and upbringing of my children. That they understand what they say is valid and important because its a reflection of also their character when they've made a decision and have told someone "yes I will do this" or "I will make sure to do this". The understanding of accountability before adulthood so that they bring integrity to their word of mouth.

Are you a person of your word? Can someone look at you and just know that they would never have to question when you've given your word on something?

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman 

The Old w/The Young - Family/Relationships

Before my divorce I used to keep hearing the phrase "it takes a village to raise kids/a kid" but I don't think I actually agree with that premise. I believe even more now with conviction post-divorce and also being born into a semi-large Mexican/Hispanic family. I'm sure if my family reads my blog theres a lot of things they would be shocked to have been reading or to be finding out about one of their family members, since I don't always agree or go along with their mannerisms and/or all of their traditions per say...

After not only knowing instinctually that my two kids are not the same, through the extensive observation I'm noticing and witnessing some of their newly found habits as well as what defines them individually as they continue to grow. I do feel that there basis or the foundation in character and personality stems from their own personal observation of their environment in addition to the solid parent whose been there for it all no matter what - that would be me by the way, in case you couldn't piece that together. Due to their age, I feel this is only contributing to 60% of who they are, 20% comes from their interaction with the world around them whether that be through their school, playdates, social interactions with other kids and their parents, perhaps Sunday church school, Sunday church/Mass, or perhaps directly with their friendships that they've created with other children. The remainder 20% I feel concludes with the adult role models and the adults period that they have exposure to in their outings, setting at home, as well as their social interactions outside the home/family life (whether that's extended and/or immediate and/or both). 

So what does the above paragraph all mean? That it doesn't take a village to raise a child it just helps to have a village in the caretaking of the child so the mother doesn't necessarily go insane! If done right, that is. Otherwise its possible that the "village" you've surrounded yourself in becomes the bad example or worse for your children - they'll end up picking up on really bad habits or perhaps begin reflecting awful character examples as the other adults around them. See for me I think it the oldest members of the family that dictate the vibe of the family, in turn playing an important role in the lives of the children.

By the way, yes the above images are MY personal images taken by my camera and are NOT meant for redistribution nor to be copy/pasted and used elsewhere. I will hunt your ass down if you try to save these images and pass them off as your own!...squirrel and moving on! :)

How your kids see how the oldest members are treated and the relationships that your kids have with them will be a huge contributor to their lives growing up and impact them in a manner which I feel many don't foresee or understand. I know, I know not everyone is as blessed to even have living grandparents or even to have great grandparents alive for that matter; for those that do have grandparents and great grandparents still a part of your families, relish and cherish the moments you have with them because there will come a day in which they will no longer be a part of the pictures...moving on, the kids will notice not only how these eldest members of the family are cared for but how they are talked to, how others in the family see them, and especially how they are all treated. Children are already very observant so them seeing how the adults in the family and how their attitudes are towards these specific family members will play a crucial role in their respect for authority as well as their own emotions towards those members. Again, at least that's what I feel...

See my kids have been very blessed with grandparents and even great grandparents on not only my side of the family but that of my ex husband. However, it is my oldest who has had the most exposure to all generations on both sides of the family, whereas my youngest has only had exposure to my side of the family with minimal to almost none with my ex husbands side of the family. I mention this particular detail because though both my kids were exposed to the wiser family members, my oldest though loving and caring towards her elders (the grandparents and great grandparents) she does only the means of etiquette in being loving, responsive, and in her interaction with her elders where my youngest goes out of her way in caring and being like a nurse/caretaker to the elders in the family, aways checking to see if they are needing or should need anything. Both kids having a healthy and loving exposure to the elders while also both having noticed/witnessed different levels of care for the elders-leading to their own evolving interactions. This I feel and believe to be the start of my kids ability in discerning how they want their relationships to be towards their grandparents and great grandparents as well as also coming to a new sense of understanding to how familial relationships are to continue. You see without this healthy exposure towards the elderly, I feel that the kids may begin or have a minimal percentage of disruption towards the family and all its family members. 

Which leads into the main focus of this post, why I believe with conviction that it does not in fact take a village to raise children/a child. I believe that bonds and healthy role models are what influence, encourage, and mold the little lives that are our children; in retrospect this also doesn't automatically mean it has to be all family members and it doesn't mean that any one specific family member is this for our kid/s. Having family whether extended and/or immediate is helpful to social interactions and balanced relationships for the growth of the child/children I feel that it serves more as a purpose to assist the parents/parent for the caretaking needs  while also assisting parents/a parent so they aren't completely burnt out (whether as a new parent/s or experienced and having their sixth child or something) or struggling with their mental health. Children are already equipped with chameleon like abilities in addition to being resilient so whether a "whole village" is there for the child/children or not they are going to continue day by day regardless of the world and circumstances-its just up to the parent/parents/guardian to ensure the right "world" surrounds them at least until their an adult in the eyes of the law because then they will begin to experience their own journey. We just hope that they allow us to be near by or maintain that open communication when they do so...

Are you close to your grandparents or great grandparents? Or who were you're role models growing up?

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman 

Fun Girls Night - General/Relationships

Looking back at my time in high school and in college I never could understand the frat house parties or the dumb clubs/organizations that would have these big throw-out parties. For anyone who knows me, I've never gotten along with my own age group. I always gravitated towards older and more mature individuals who were my age OR in general an older crowd. In addition, I also had very few friends that were girls. Call it being severe on my own sex, hating drama, or perhaps just in general didn't want to deal with immature girls that didn't know how to handle life - so my friends mostly consisted of guys. I did have a rule though, I didn't want to be friends with a guy I was attracted to-complicated things. Moving on! So where am I going with all fo this you might ask :) 

So where am I going with this little intro...brings me to the picture below of what our version (my sister and I) of a "girls night" entailed. See when you have a good group you don't need to go to any night clubs, dance clubs, bars, lounges, or anything else! I mean unless you just want to go out and try a new restaurant then sure let's go out, otherwise this what we would do. The group would have an organizer (which was typically my sister) and the items were usually divided up. Someone would bring the desserts, then it would be potluck for the food, our household provided all of the booze, the movie, regular drinks, snacks, and of course the movies and extra bedrooms for anyone who wanted to stay over :p The picture below is just one of the fun girls night we had-if I remember correctly the last person who wanted to head on out to their home left at 3am while the remainder had a sleepover in our guest bedrooms. 

So the few mutual girlfriends that my sister and I had throughout my 20s included some fun, but I've always been picky with the women I allow into my circle and so should you...you are defined by the company you keep, so if drunks and immature people are who you are always associated with, then unfortunately that may be also how someone interprets you...fruit for thought.

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman