So, I'm going to give fair warning to all my readers on this one, because it's a topic I feel very strongly about. I'm sure you all have your own opinion and what you feel is logical reasoning behind whether you're a "pro-date in high school" or a "don't date in high school".
As I write and you read I would like to point out that you need to also bear in mind, this strong opinion with conviction and religious belief intertwined is not only how I feel currently (especially as a mother of daughters) but it's actually also how I
felt back when I was IN high school, I just
have the ability to articulate and provide resources that I wasn't able to back then.
The society states that dating in high school provides emotional support when they’re away
from home, companionship, and improved social skills (and dumb parents eat into this concept-yes you heard me parents who allow their immature adolescent children to date in high school are dumb) it brings more drama, intense
emotional stress, and distractions from academics and life/career preparation.
For emotional support a high schooler has already their parents (even if again SOCIETY pushes that parents won't understand or be able to align with what a teen is going through), siblings, and whomever they consider to be their best friends. So, is a boyfriend/girlfriend even really necessary? For companionship you have again best friends or fellow fun group/individual classmates, siblings (like how my daughters say they’re each other’s best friends), or
shoot even pets! Is a boyfriend/girlfriend again, needed? Now for the societal "improved social skills" I really have to laugh at parents who are stupid enough to believe this because guess what they’re doing practically (or should be unless their schooling is that lazy, they're on electronics only) ALL day for social skills at school? SOCIALIZING! They're amongst the student body, their high school counselors, coaches, trainers, general and all miscellaneous school staff (cafeteria staff or volunteers); but a boyfriend/girlfriend is important for their development in high school...YEA - okay! (insert sarcasm here please) If you're a concerned parent with your teenagers' level of social skills than take them out to public events or better yet, a controlled environment like those of volunteer work where they can be among their own age group as well as with both younger and older individuals. Now THAT'S true development or shoot, make your kids get an actual job. And NO, I'm not talking about some lame in family babysitting where you basically already babysit your younger siblings or cousins at family functions and holidays already. A boyfriend/girlfriend is NOT teaching anything outside of curiosity of things the teenager would probably be too embarrassed about to converse with parents to begin with! Parents should hopefully be competent or at least knowledgeable observant enough to know when their child is mature enough for certain conversations, so instead of leaving it for the school systems to explain to your kids about their bodies, do the explaining and reinforce that certain things are severely not okay and neither is the attempts to fulfill curiosity because the effects or repercussions are non-reversible. If you're a parent with morals and that has taught as well as practiced a faith life home, then it's actually easier to be able to do this and to have the teenagers explore what they can't understand yet. Now this next part might sound bad, but the statistics and data are intriguingly alarming...for homes with no morals or faith life balance having the kids already thinking of sex and masturbation and physical exploration with the opposite sex is far higher than those who have a moral understanding to not offend/anger God. Don't start harping on the "anger God" if you're a Bible only reading, honk if you love Jesus' individual because there's another post I'm dedicating to that alone so keep let's just put a pin there for another day ;)
Now don’t get me
wrong, do I believe in couples being high school sweethearts and then lasting
into old age-heck yes! Both as a romantic at heart and knowing that there are
exceptions to even my convictions with the will of God - BUT what everyone fails to realize is that
THOSE couples who are high school sweethearts (which is a less than a 2% ratio)
have what key ingredients in their personality/character for their high school
relationship to be successful and then flourish?...they both individually have
stern boundaries and personal convictions that are then shared because they
both realized they have the same view on it (family life and social circles),
deep shared history of faith, sharing and being both emotional mature, MATURITY altogether, AND
their individually discovered but jointly shared views on working hard with a
future together NO MATTER WHAT. Is it wrong
to date in high school, no but there is only so much caution you can do before
you're sucked into the idea because you could find yourself relating your worth to
whether or not someone wants to date you or worse that your happiness
during high school hinders on
whether or not you even have a boyfriend/girlfriend...So here are now my five reasons I believe it IS
NOT a good idea.
2.) Unnecessary
stress and drama for sure! Sweet lord I remembered my freshman year and how quickly news
got around about someone's break up if it was over the weekend, come
Monday morning and then if the couple broke up at school in the morning,
then by lunch the entire school knew! I was relived and it affirmed for me that while
they were too busy working about stupid crap like that I got the
option of choosing my favorite pair of shoes to buy, or new outfit, or getting
my nails done, or sometimes my dad would let one of us choose the weekend
splurge restaurant whether fancy or not so I had the whole week to decide and I was always excited for soccer weekends! I was focused more on the aspect of what I heard at freshman
orientation - fix your schedules right and your programs then junior and
senior year you could technically only be at school for half the day - DONE! That was the only incentive I needed and shoot I loved school (still do! Love to learn.) Then I remember sometimes seeing these group of girls helping whoever got
dumped or did the dumping being a little emotional and they would
block her to cover up her tears - great female support group BUT the
heartache and emotional battle could've been avoided altogether! By
something as easy as not dating...how embarrassing too that whoever you dated was news to everyone and then would circulate to the next "catch of the week" or month I suppose.
3.) Relationship
and Personal Standards - No self-reflection on romantic relationship expectations and
conversations. I knew I was mature for my age even when I was 8 but I wasn’t
going to go pretending that I was emotionally mature for dating in
high school! Dating involves emotions and I already knew emotions took a toll
on a person and the body. If my own parents didn’t meet and date and
get married until their early 20’s what made me realistically think that I
would find my high school sweetheart and be done. Besides how could I
know what I wanted in a boyfriend if I didn’t even know what my likes and
dislikes were or how I felt regarding certain pressure points of having a
relationship (family, sex, faith, academics, and future life). I
could safely and securely observe both the relationships of the family, those
of the teachers I respected, and especially of all the classmates who I thought
were idiots in dating so soon and changing boyfriends/girlfriends out like if it
was candy sale at the grocery/department store! As open as my parents were
about relationships to their extent and upbringing, they knew that I would
ask specifically people outside of them (2 specific adults at school who
they knew, my uncles, and also my sister). I knew I needed to take the time to
focus on what my non-negotiables were and what I would never allow from a
boy...
4.) Emotional
Maturity is not even fully developed. Like I mentioned above I knew that though I was always
mature for my age that I would or could risk having my emotional bank used up
and/or dried up. I mean the ties to what I was witnessing was girls willing
to change their wardrobes and hair color and piercings (or attempt to) and
likes/dislikes, friends, etc. I knew it was wrong back then but not until NOW
did I realize how wrong. Then their eating habits which turned into
eating disorders and then drama and stress turning into mood swings and
medications and depression...lordy that was all too much and all because they
could’ve been happy campers by themselves like I was. As is in
freshman year I was blessed to learn about the stages of life and
characteristics because it only reinforced how my
parents were raising me and what my belief was; adolescence is from 10 years old to literally 24! So, I figured I wouldn’t attempt to date until I matured more emotionally (coping mechanisms and emotional regulations) and probably look at senior year or preferably until I was actually in college to actually spend thoughts or time on dating. I mean come on, boys already are slow at maturity, but parents are willing to bank the kids' futures on NO emotional maturity too! Like I mentioned already once before, are there exceptions to this thought process, hell yes there is BUT I'm almost positive that ended before this year's senior class is graduating! (Should this be read months or years later, this post is on May of 2026.)
parents were raising me and what my belief was; adolescence is from 10 years old to literally 24! So, I figured I wouldn’t attempt to date until I matured more emotionally (coping mechanisms and emotional regulations) and probably look at senior year or preferably until I was actually in college to actually spend thoughts or time on dating. I mean come on, boys already are slow at maturity, but parents are willing to bank the kids' futures on NO emotional maturity too! Like I mentioned already once before, are there exceptions to this thought process, hell yes there is BUT I'm almost positive that ended before this year's senior class is graduating! (Should this be read months or years later, this post is on May of 2026.)
5.) Physical
pressures of relationships even in high school. I knew that if I wanted what my parents had and
actually the couple I romanticized more about was that of my mom's parents'
marriage, then I was aware of something special and I had to understand what that meant.
I didn’t want to risk trying things even just kissing with some idiot
boy who didn’t know the difference between planning an actual date and
not just “hanging out”. I already hated men doing this in my adulthood but yes, I had already disliked it back witnessing and hearing the "dates" back in
high school too. If you want to hang out with someone you don't need a boyfriend/girlfriend for that, why the hell do you have friends then! Whether they're of the same sex or not! I didn’t want to risk my kisses or body (any of it) on some
boy who couldn’t even keep up with his own hygiene and acne or a boy who wouldn’t even try to stand out
from the high school typical mold. If I knew I wanted to be a different
niche from the high school norm than my boyfriend had to be too. What that means is that I already knew I wanted
to and was set on my experiences either being with my boyfriend who was or would also be my
best friend, that would move into being my fiancé, to then be my husband.
The timeline didn’t matter as long as we were sure and committed to it! (Too bad I thought to compromise later in college...but that's neither here nor there and definitely different post topic altogether.)
Perhaps the real question for you
should be do YOU know the difference between dating someone you like and
actually dating your best friend. The intent/meaning behind dating is to
one day marry so one would want to and strive to date and marry their best
friend. Or better yet do YOU really even know what your non-negotiables are
and what the actual expectations of a relationships are?...if you're a parent reading this and you don't know where your kids stand-hell that says something about your parenting and NOT in a good way. If your teens reading this post because you like to pretend you're an adult and bypassed the 18+ years entry to my blog I have, and you don't know how to answer these questions, then my dear adolescent child-YOU should NOT be dating or thinking of dating...
Here below are a few resources I thought would be good reads, so enjoy!
"The teens who don’t date in high
school have proven to have an overall better life as well as a more successful
future outcome."
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/201910/teens-who-don-t-date-socially-behind-or-socially-skilled
The pros and cons of dating while
in high school.
https://lionstale.org/11800/opinion/pro-con-high-school-relationships/
Sincerely,
A Distinct Woman
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/201910/teens-who-don-t-date-socially-behind-or-socially-skilled
https://lionstale.org/11800/opinion/pro-con-high-school-relationships/
A Distinct Woman
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