What's Your Love Language - Relationships

Whether it's a romantic or platonic relationship, we all have specific needs and methods in which we communicate. It's not always easy to be able to decipher how to communicate with individuals especially in the workplace, at home, and/or with love interests. So here I go writing a post about what I consider to be one of the top three things someone should know before not only entering into a romantic relationship but also maintaining the familial/friendship relationships we have through life. Here we go!

First off, how can you know what to ask for from your partner/friend if you in turn don't even know what it is your wanting from that someone. Although communication is key, I feel that figuring out and knowing what your love language is ranks as one of the top three things to understand and accept before having any of your relationships come into fruition. What do I mean you ask or why is this so important? Well knowing, understanding, and accepting what you love language is with assist in sometimes the arguments/discussions had or perhaps allow you to explain to others how they can best know and love you or even assist someone in understanding where your point of view comes from - all because of your love language. I will say though that this specific post will be expanding more on the romantic relationship base. 

We all receive and provide love in different ways and according to Dr. Gray Chapman it's in five specific ways. Below is a snapshot from the special website on love languages and you can click on the image to peruse more. 

So, what are the five different ways? You have "words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch." If you're too lazy to google more on the love languages, don't worry because we're delving into each of them for you.

1. Words of Affirmation
1. This love language feeds off of someones words building them up, where it's the spoken words of affection (whether through praise, compliments, encouragement, empowerment, etc.) Words of hate or words that are harsh can effect you for a long time.
2. Acts of Service
1. Someone who has this as their love language experiences and feels love through the selfless actions and willingness of their partners, through acts of kindness and more importantly of making their partners lives easier/less of a struggle by taking away some of their burdens. A prime example would be someone who works a long shift, but their partner knowing this, would perhaps make dinner and have the kitchen clean so when their partner arrives from their long day they are surprised by what they find, and all without having been asked/told how they could make their day easier or better. If their partner is lazy or giving broken promises, they can easily be made to feel unloved or not important.
3. Receiving Gifts
1. One must take note that this particular love language has no exact association to materialistic things or more precisely doesn't always relate to tangible objects all the time. It's more a defined gift that specifically makes the person happy, perhaps by someone providing their favorite drink just because or sending someone a song to let them know it reminds them of their partner. It's not about gaudy jewelry or extravagant gifts...it's about the significance behind the gift given to that person. Generic gifts or forgotten special/significant events are NOT ideal for someone with this love language. 
4. Quality Time
1. The easiest way to describe this love language would be...the person who has this has their love language doesn't feel loved when someone can't be actively listening or that has had  long periods or timeframes without some one-on-one time with their partner. The best thing for a partner to do for this person who experiences this love language is to always be actively present with them, not staring at their phones or distracted by anything and everything, it's a focused attention on their time together, undivided attention to them as a couple and the other as a person.
5. Physical Touch
1. I feel like this one is self explanatory :) BUT if you still need it written out here goes...kissing, hugs, holding hands, etc Any and all forms of physical contact are the basis of this love language for someone. Touches convey safety, love, warmth, cherished, coddled, protected, etc. When the person who has this love language experiences physical neglect, a barrier or wedge will shortly follow if not immediate.

The biggest mistake and error I believe that anyone can do when their interested in someone, dating, or freshly into a new relationship is NOT entrust/let the other person know what their love language is. i feel that it would assist in leveling the "playing field" for expectations on how the couple can nurture and express themselves to each other. So don't wait until it's too late and you're wondering whether your significant other or spouse still loves you or let those negative thoughts enter your mind with doubts about things that your assuming, all because you never relayed to the person you love/your love interest what your love language is. I mean quite frankly unless this is openly and freely divulged into the other, the other person won't take notice in how to "love you" unless you actually tell them!

For those of you who have expressed your love language and already have issues with your significant other or spouse...that means yours is a special specific situation that goes past love languages...

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman 

Summer Sun and Treating Sunburns - General/Family Life

It's still full on summer season, if you're on my blog page you may have also noticed that I've changed the theme to correlate to the summer feel and colors too! :) I know korny but I like to keep the flow and colors with the season or whatever I'm doing. That's besides the point of course - squirrel!

So as I was saying, it's still summer and I realized that I should have posted this at the start of summer. Hopefully this helps many of you and especially others moms! Obviously there will be varied results because everyone's skin type is different and treatments may not work as fast or the best as what I write on here-just for your FYI. 

For starters, I hate using the Banana Boat brand not only on my kids but for myself. It leaves this awful oily sensation after spraying or rubbing it into your skin and the worst part is the sticky sensation as well! Then lets not forget about the fact that I have sensitive skin on my face (and yes that's not me just self diagnosing as many people do, I went to a specialist Dermatalogist to have that determined) and I noticed that using Banana Boat would have my breaking out after literally every use! It didn't matter whether it was a spray on or a rub in or whatever versions they have and it also didn't matter if I wiped it off right away or left it on as long as the directions instructed. So in my book this brand will always be a NAY. I'm not going to be going into every brand used as sunscreen but I started with this one at least because it's the most commonly used and I know it's purchased/sold literally EVERYWHERE.

So which one do I use you may ask and its one that I advocate for anyone (especially for your kids)...

I use and advocate using the Neutrogena brand and the image above shows the exact ones I use routinely and for the occasion, they are also approved by my doctor and have done really well for my kids and I; so much so that even my mom and sister like using it as well and they each have different types of skin types. Yes before any of you decide to point out, on my snapshot there's a CVS one and NO I DO NOT use that one but I didn't feel like cropping that one out to just copy and paste :p I found that the "roller" ones (the ones that look like deodorant sticks) are convenient and so easy use. I have one literally at home, in my vehicle, and I carry one around in my purse just in case! The specific ones I routinely purchase is the "Sheer Zinc" one that I use on my kids and the one I tend to carry around in my purse and vehicle is the "Mineral Ultra Sheer". The ones I purchase are the ones I also make sure that have for "face and body" in addition to making sure that they are waterproof. My kids and I tend to sweat a lot when it's super hot out so I found that the ones that have "waterproof" labeled helps and still works well when you're sweating in the sun!

The best part you don't have to worry about some oily feeling or sticky and the wait time for your activity after "rolling" it on your skin is pretty instant, so you can feel secure in being protected right after having put it on! I have also found that you don't have to worry about if it was evenly sprayed on or evenly spread by your hands because it's almost like you're "drawing" lines along your skin with the deodorant like stick design so you have an even coverage throughout!

NOW, we come to the treatment of sunburns! It's common knowledge and advertised to use aloe vera for sunburns I know, but I also know that a lot of those products can be expensive and/or are sometimes hard to find when you need them. SO I'm all about alternatives when I need it and being prepared; that means I've also done the trial and error (especially before I write a post about it). With that being said, I'm going to use a most recent event of sun exposure to exemplify my healing methods. I personally don't get red when I've had an extensive amount of sun exposure, on the contrary I bronze/tan after the sun exposure no matter what I'm doing, BUT some specific areas of my body will have this "red lining" mixed into the tanned area or I'll have what looks like a bruising design but slightly dark red coloring if it was an area that got the burn. So below is the example of what I'm talking about...

So the same day of the sun exposure I get home and shower, without scrubbing the skin at all though! I simply use the dove sensitive skin bar soap and rub in with my fingers. The reason why I don't scrub is because I don't want to irritate the skin especially not really knowing yet what area got more "burned" than others. Since I want to make sure that I'm still clean and that I get off all of the sunscreen layer, that's why I rub in the bar of soap and "scrub" with just my fingertips to clean up. I DO NOT use hot water not warm water; I use a slightly cooler water temperature than a "warm" temp; to help refreshen the skin and body heat so that I don't feel like I'm continuing to boil even after the sun exposure. When you finish in the shower and are trying to dry off, BE GENTLE when towel drying-a simply hard pat down is more than enough to absorb the water/moisture and be dry before you lather up the lotion. YUP you read right, now ititss time for the lathering up part of the sunburn healing process! These are the specific lotions that I stand by and advocate for anyone, to help with the burn! 

So as I mentioned this is the day of after the sunburn and I'm already towel dried. So for immediate use I use the Jergen's Ultra Healing lotion and I use a simple suggested amount on my palm to lotion up the whole body for that first layer. Then I follow-up with a generous amount in my hands to lather only the areas touched/burned by the sun. You will almost feel like "sucking" feeling from your skin if you pay attention and the areas that are either tender or that you feel to be slightly sensitive from after the sun exposure are now being soothed by the cold feeling of the lotion. I don't rub in this generous amount (second layer) of lotion but I rub it around enough so I don't look white. I'll make sure I have and only using cotton clothing and its clothing that I won't care if it sticks or has the excess lotion on it. If you don't want to feel a sticking sensation of your clothing then I don't recommend this for you BUT it does work so don't knock it till you try it! ;) So now I'm all comfortable and healing...if you're immediately going to bed than I suggest drinking at least 30mL of water before bed to take care of the hydration portion of the sun exposure you had your body go through. Because it's no joke when they tell you to stay hydrated and drink lots of water after you got your sunburn! It really goes a long way! NOW if you're like me when I have the sun exposure events, there's at least a few hours before bed SO I have plenty of time to drink at least 40 to 50mL of water, then right before bed I'll simply check the sunburnt area and if it doesn't feel as slick as then I lathered that excess lotion layer (the second layer) than I use the CeraVe lotion and lightly rub some of that lotion in for the night...by the next morning none of the burnt/tanned areas are sensitive or hurt and I don't have to worry as much for the types of clothing I use or the rubbing of clothing and anyone touching the areas of my body that were exposed to the sun. Of course I continue to drink plenty of fluids as well! 

So there ya go that's it in a nutshell! Usually by the next day I'm ready for some more sun but the max timeframe that it takes me to heal from a full fledge body exposure is about 2 days...

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman

Mochio Donuts - Recommend

If you're in Texas and happen to be in the DFW area, with a craving or hankering for something sweet and delicious I have a suggestion/recommendation for you! I know you're probably wondering "why would donuts be so special". Well first off, there's another "donut" post coming BUT this one is more north. 

I don't know about you but donuts are usually (for me) super sweet, sugary, and can "feel" on the dough end of things. Sometimes I've had donuts that leave this awful oily feeling too on my tongue or at the roof of my mouth. The oily donut places I definitely never go back to, actually that goes for bakeries in general with their cakes, etc. Sorry squirrel moment-back to the donuts! 

This place is relatively new with the owners being humble, kind, passionate about their establishment as well as passionate about their delicious items they serve. They like to expand their flavors, they deliver freshness, and their ingredients that include a flourless base (as they're made with almond flour). They are conscientious and educated in their kitchen as well to be up front in stating that they are gluten free but are not Celiac Disease friendly so they don't advise for those with Celiac's Disease to eat their donuts. 

So when you're in the mood for a guilty pleasure without the awful feelings of a full-filling donut, stop at their location for some light, airy, fluffy donuts (which you wouldn't have probably tasted the difference if I hadn't mentioned it) almond flour delicious donuts made daily until they run out. With the convenience of their location even opening early for your delicious morning craving if you need it! By the way the best part or what I think to be the best part is their playful design of the donut that leaves also kids to have fun eating their delicious donut! But don't take my word for it and try it for yourself! 

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman 

Kids are NOT Messy - Family

Let's just begin with, this post isn't meant to be offensive to other parents its simply to provide an opinion based off of personal experience AND no one can refute my experiences as well as my proof :) So I don't wanna hear from the nay sayers or unbelievers, because we all know as parents the first thing that comes to mind is "you haven't had kids you don't know" or my favorite "its easier for you because of how your kids are." So here we go!

The other day my family and I were sitting at a table in a well known chain restaurant and while my kids were sitting down and coloring their kids menus I looked around the seating area and here's what I noticed...One table was a young couple with two little ones (probably no more than 5 years each) and low and behold they had the tablets in their special kid rubber cases and while the parents were glued to their little phone screen the children were glued to the tablets while also making a huge mess of food not only on the table but leaving a trail of a mess on the floor! There was another large party table that seemed to be celebrating something and to my dismay the children of that particular table were allowed to run around the table WHILE they were eating, almost bumping into the wait staff and the children never even put attention to the parents who would call out saying, "come here right now, I'm talking to you, listen to your father, what did I just say..." with so many statements that followed, but those kids had no fearful respect for those parents and those parents were probably of the mindset to NOT punish their kids and NOT discipline their children in a forceful way either. In the other direction of my eyesight was another young couple with a newborn (probably around 5 to 6 months because the little cutie was sitting up right in the highchair) but sadly the couple was so glued to their own cell phones that they only placed attention to the baby when the wait staff appeared at the table or when the baby would whine or cry out; in turn that baby was trying to eat but instead ended up playing with their food in a artistic display of squished and soggy items all over the table and all over the floor. Then the last table was an older couple with three children and they were seated nicely in their chairs like my kids were, but when the oldest tried acting out the father's (or what I presume to be anyway, since he had that stance and also kissed the woman intimately on their departure) tone changed drastically to a firm and deep tone while also displaying a firm look; the child instantly reacted and didn't think to attempt a naughty task at the table.

After describing the surrounding families aside from noticing a lot of no no's for starters! The biggest thing that popped out to me was that ALL of the children no matter their age from baby to ten years old, were messy! I was baffled and looked to my kids as they began cutting their grilled chicken breasts and eating from their plates. When I went back home that evening, I started looking through my digital albums of my kids and noticed the same thing, something that both my sister and I would do as well...we were never messy! So for evidentiary reasons the above video is of my oldest daughter at around 7months. 

So incase you didn't know, I'm posting about how the adults are the ones screwing up the kids! When my grandmother's would tell stories about how they raised their children I found the stories comical and entertaining. Then once I got pregnant her stories became wisdom only to then be reinforced in their ability to work because my own mother disclosed the fact that they worked on us, therefore after more than three generations in I at least am of the belief that they will continue to work, maybe also with my little twist to it. This is where I differ from the rest of society in their "they'll have emotional damage" and "you shouldn't punished your children" crap. If the methods worked before then why the hell would anyone change them?! So one of the generational motherhood statements is, "no matter what anyone tells you especially doctors or books or even 'specialists' in children tell you, babies are very smart and they're learning since birth what they can get away with. They'll learn your habits and methods from breast feeding to the time they walk and then even after that they become the biggest sponge especially to bad habits! Don't let them get away with anything and discipline them from the beginning otherwise they'll walk all over you and worse won't be able to function properly in the world for the gifts that they can offer the community." Being excited for motherhood I didn't want to risk screwing it up because as my grandmother says, "don't read those stupid books because there's nothing written in stone when it comes to being a mother; every child is different and never has more than one of the same thing (quality, characteristic, personality, etc) and the experiences or questions you might have can't be found in a book but in the more pronounced intuition you have as a mother and also learning from the same experiences (new or otherwise)." 

Having friends with kids and even seeing how so many parenting styles there were, I thought to myself how the heck should I do this?...I listened and actively did what my grandmother and mother told me. I put effort into deciphering my child AND listening to my intuition as a new mother. I have to skip the breast feeding part because it wasn't typical with my first born, so let's fast forward to starting solids. I would place her in her highchair, place her simple cloth bib around her neck, and feed her the smashed solid food while using a Walmart brand baby spoon purchased from the baby isle. I would feed her the food and when they were was even slightly more than anticipated on the spoon that would leave a remainder on her lip and the end of her mouth, I would use the same spoon to swipe at the remainder food so they would practically be "scooped" back up and fed it into her mouth. This simple act continued over and over again was necessary to teach her the eating ritual as well as educate her into how she should eat right. Well it soon became more than that...with the more food smashed and then incorporating organic baby food, along with homemade items before true solids were introduced, the lesson was to know that she would always have and maintain a clean mouth. I can count on one hand how many times she tried the cute baby, baby food bubble blowing technique, that usually lands with baby food spread out on the highchair tray and on your clothes or whatever have you. So her first attempt I couldn't help myself I chuckled and smiled and said "no" but I even knew it was without authority or conviction. Her little eyes acknowledged my reaction and she did her little baby smile and continued eating normally after I wiped her, the area, and myself clean. Another day, another time, and another meal later my daughter attempts this again! Her little eyes immediately targeted my face and my reaction and thankfully I did not smile nor laugh and I firmly said "no" to her as I wiped the area and her clean. The third time was more interesting because not only did my daughter try to do the same "test" but she added on by trying to create a mess with her hands on the highchair table top as well. Oh hell no I was not having that! It was a firm no in an authoritative tone and a minor finger slap to her little hand that tried creating the mess. Kind of like the same way you would try to shoo away a fly from your plate, without the sting or full on "slap" sensation. 

I know, some of you reading might be saying how cruel or why would you do that or my favorite, "she's just a little baby let her be a kid, she doesn't know any better." However, for you real parents who actually pay attention to your kids from birth, you know exactly what I'm talking about because guess what...after those little tests my daughter decided to do with me and my reactions/responses to those "tests" by the time the real solid foods came around she may have used to her little hands to pick up the solid foods to get used to the items and before the introduction to the utensils came into play, but she never had a mess on her highchair table top, on the floor, and the bib was more for her drinking habits than really keeping her clean. My daughter's eyes were always trained on me whenever she would do a task (whether new or old) and then the time came to using utensils. The "introductory" portion didn't last long, as you can tell from her video above, she was in solid use of her spoon and fork after the about a month and a half after the very first introduction to the utensils. When we would go out her eating habits carried over to a public setting, but don't think she didn't try testing me the first four restaurant adventures out. My daughter tried throwing some small pieces of bread/rolls on the floor - AND only because she saw at another table another child doing so! Well the same way I handled the baby food before is how I handled the eating habits in public - directly and head one in the moment. 

My immediate rectification of her "tests" didn't diminish or hinder or cause emotional damage to her bubbly and energetic personality and happiness, on the contrary she bloomed and even implied by pointing her adventurous side in trying new foods as well. I used the same technique on all my children and to this day, no mess on the tables and no messed on the floors...This went for all areas of food, restaurants (and yes I've taken and took my children to fancy restaurants without concern, slight worry but no real concern) and family members houses. Yes if you're wondering, my children never had those cupcake smeared all over face and clothes moments nor the smooshed cake/s all over the highchair table tops and on their hands/arms - maybe cute to some families but not sure why. Suppose to each their own but I could more easily excuse my kids playing in the dirt than having food/cake smeared everywhere as if they're animals or don't have I don't know PARENTS to help them actually enjoy the food item that they're eating. 

So the next time someone says "the little kid doesn't know any better" or "oh just let them be messy or a kid while it lasts" don't listen to them because you'll be doing your children an actual favor by making them well rounded individuals to bring into the world. I have TONS and I mean tons of videos and moments of solid experiences/proof that go against how society and the new parenting styles are nowadays...it worked for our parents and their parents before them so why the fuck is anyone "corrupting" good parenting styles. I preferred the world back in 2016 and heck even 2017 as opposed to now...but guess to each their own right?...

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman