Let's just begin with, this post isn't meant to be offensive to other parents its simply to provide an opinion based off of personal experience AND no one can refute my experiences as well as my proof :) So I don't wanna hear from the nay sayers or unbelievers, because we all know as parents the first thing that comes to mind is "you haven't had kids you don't know" or my favorite "its easier for you because of how your kids are." So here we go!
The other day my family and I were sitting at a table in a well known chain restaurant and while my kids were sitting down and coloring their kids menus I looked around the seating area and here's what I noticed...One table was a young couple with two little ones (probably no more than 5 years each) and low and behold they had the tablets in their special kid rubber cases and while the parents were glued to their little phone screen the children were glued to the tablets while also making a huge mess of food not only on the table but leaving a trail of a mess on the floor! There was another large party table that seemed to be celebrating something and to my dismay the children of that particular table were allowed to run around the table WHILE they were eating, almost bumping into the wait staff and the children never even put attention to the parents who would call out saying, "come here right now, I'm talking to you, listen to your father, what did I just say..." with so many statements that followed, but those kids had no fearful respect for those parents and those parents were probably of the mindset to NOT punish their kids and NOT discipline their children in a forceful way either. In the other direction of my eyesight was another young couple with a newborn (probably around 5 to 6 months because the little cutie was sitting up right in the highchair) but sadly the couple was so glued to their own cell phones that they only placed attention to the baby when the wait staff appeared at the table or when the baby would whine or cry out; in turn that baby was trying to eat but instead ended up playing with their food in a artistic display of squished and soggy items all over the table and all over the floor. Then the last table was an older couple with three children and they were seated nicely in their chairs like my kids were, but when the oldest tried acting out the father's (or what I presume to be anyway, since he had that stance and also kissed the woman intimately on their departure) tone changed drastically to a firm and deep tone while also displaying a firm look; the child instantly reacted and didn't think to attempt a naughty task at the table.After describing the surrounding families aside from noticing a lot of no no's for starters! The biggest thing that popped out to me was that ALL of the children no matter their age from baby to ten years old, were messy! I was baffled and looked to my kids as they began cutting their grilled chicken breasts and eating from their plates. When I went back home that evening, I started looking through my digital albums of my kids and noticed the same thing, something that both my sister and I would do as well...we were never messy! So for evidentiary reasons the above video is of my oldest daughter at around 7months.
So incase you didn't know, I'm posting about how the adults are the ones screwing up the kids! When my grandmother's would tell stories about how they raised their children I found the stories comical and entertaining. Then once I got pregnant her stories became wisdom only to then be reinforced in their ability to work because my own mother disclosed the fact that they worked on us, therefore after more than three generations in I at least am of the belief that they will continue to work, maybe also with my little twist to it. This is where I differ from the rest of society in their "they'll have emotional damage" and "you shouldn't punished your children" crap. If the methods worked before then why the hell would anyone change them?! So one of the generational motherhood statements is, "no matter what anyone tells you especially doctors or books or even 'specialists' in children tell you, babies are very smart and they're learning since birth what they can get away with. They'll learn your habits and methods from breast feeding to the time they walk and then even after that they become the biggest sponge especially to bad habits! Don't let them get away with anything and discipline them from the beginning otherwise they'll walk all over you and worse won't be able to function properly in the world for the gifts that they can offer the community." Being excited for motherhood I didn't want to risk screwing it up because as my grandmother says, "don't read those stupid books because there's nothing written in stone when it comes to being a mother; every child is different and never has more than one of the same thing (quality, characteristic, personality, etc) and the experiences or questions you might have can't be found in a book but in the more pronounced intuition you have as a mother and also learning from the same experiences (new or otherwise)."
Having friends with kids and even seeing how so many parenting styles there were, I thought to myself how the heck should I do this?...I listened and actively did what my grandmother and mother told me. I put effort into deciphering my child AND listening to my intuition as a new mother. I have to skip the breast feeding part because it wasn't typical with my first born, so let's fast forward to starting solids. I would place her in her highchair, place her simple cloth bib around her neck, and feed her the smashed solid food while using a Walmart brand baby spoon purchased from the baby isle. I would feed her the food and when they were was even slightly more than anticipated on the spoon that would leave a remainder on her lip and the end of her mouth, I would use the same spoon to swipe at the remainder food so they would practically be "scooped" back up and fed it into her mouth. This simple act continued over and over again was necessary to teach her the eating ritual as well as educate her into how she should eat right. Well it soon became more than that...with the more food smashed and then incorporating organic baby food, along with homemade items before true solids were introduced, the lesson was to know that she would always have and maintain a clean mouth. I can count on one hand how many times she tried the cute baby, baby food bubble blowing technique, that usually lands with baby food spread out on the highchair tray and on your clothes or whatever have you. So her first attempt I couldn't help myself I chuckled and smiled and said "no" but I even knew it was without authority or conviction. Her little eyes acknowledged my reaction and she did her little baby smile and continued eating normally after I wiped her, the area, and myself clean. Another day, another time, and another meal later my daughter attempts this again! Her little eyes immediately targeted my face and my reaction and thankfully I did not smile nor laugh and I firmly said "no" to her as I wiped the area and her clean. The third time was more interesting because not only did my daughter try to do the same "test" but she added on by trying to create a mess with her hands on the highchair table top as well. Oh hell no I was not having that! It was a firm no in an authoritative tone and a minor finger slap to her little hand that tried creating the mess. Kind of like the same way you would try to shoo away a fly from your plate, without the sting or full on "slap" sensation.
I know, some of you reading might be saying how cruel or why would you do that or my favorite, "she's just a little baby let her be a kid, she doesn't know any better." However, for you real parents who actually pay attention to your kids from birth, you know exactly what I'm talking about because guess what...after those little tests my daughter decided to do with me and my reactions/responses to those "tests" by the time the real solid foods came around she may have used to her little hands to pick up the solid foods to get used to the items and before the introduction to the utensils came into play, but she never had a mess on her highchair table top, on the floor, and the bib was more for her drinking habits than really keeping her clean. My daughter's eyes were always trained on me whenever she would do a task (whether new or old) and then the time came to using utensils. The "introductory" portion didn't last long, as you can tell from her video above, she was in solid use of her spoon and fork after the about a month and a half after the very first introduction to the utensils. When we would go out her eating habits carried over to a public setting, but don't think she didn't try testing me the first four restaurant adventures out. My daughter tried throwing some small pieces of bread/rolls on the floor - AND only because she saw at another table another child doing so! Well the same way I handled the baby food before is how I handled the eating habits in public - directly and head one in the moment.
My immediate rectification of her "tests" didn't diminish or hinder or cause emotional damage to her bubbly and energetic personality and happiness, on the contrary she bloomed and even implied by pointing her adventurous side in trying new foods as well. I used the same technique on all my children and to this day, no mess on the tables and no messed on the floors...This went for all areas of food, restaurants (and yes I've taken and took my children to fancy restaurants without concern, slight worry but no real concern) and family members houses. Yes if you're wondering, my children never had those cupcake smeared all over face and clothes moments nor the smooshed cake/s all over the highchair table tops and on their hands/arms - maybe cute to some families but not sure why. Suppose to each their own but I could more easily excuse my kids playing in the dirt than having food/cake smeared everywhere as if they're animals or don't have I don't know PARENTS to help them actually enjoy the food item that they're eating.
So the next time someone says "the little kid doesn't know any better" or "oh just let them be messy or a kid while it lasts" don't listen to them because you'll be doing your children an actual favor by making them well rounded individuals to bring into the world. I have TONS and I mean tons of videos and moments of solid experiences/proof that go against how society and the new parenting styles are nowadays...it worked for our parents and their parents before them so why the fuck is anyone "corrupting" good parenting styles. I preferred the world back in 2016 and heck even 2017 as opposed to now...but guess to each their own right?...
Sincerely,
A Distinct Woman
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