Etiquette
Do you think that only a person who is from a top tier education or who has had an education at all is the only one who has “Etiquette”. This is not to be confused with “Common Courtesy” by the way, although they both tend to overlap or to have common ground. Webster’s Dictionary defines etiquette as, “the conduct or procedure required by good breeding or prescribed by authority to be observed in social or official life” and Google defines it as “the customary code of polite behavior in society or among members of a particular profession or group.” Both of those named websites defined “common courtesy” as, “the customary code of polite behavior in society or among members of a particular profession or group” and “politeness that people can usually be expected to show.”
So after reading those definitions I decided to process them and reflect on them...the common ground for both words is that it’s something observed, seen, or even expected to be demonstrated among society or the open public. While etiquette may require or perhaps have resources of a class like form/level of enhancing qualities for a person, the common courtesy seems to be something that’s almost “understood” on both words. So if there’s common ground among both words and they may tend to overlap, in addition to there’s is a level of human expectation for these words to be put into action among society or in the public eye...then why the hell is no one doing it!
I don’t mean for this to be an insult to one specific individual or individuals but it’s absolutely mind boggling to me in witnessing how degraded or how overlooked human courtesy is now a days. And please, spare me the excuse of COVID for some of the example I’m about to give and harp on because there was a down spiraling level of inadequacy towards how people’s levels of common decency towards one another was always in a decline. Some of you reading this may think I’m on a soap box of some kind, perhaps your right, or perhaps just be open minded and start reflecting or remembering on some of your moments in life whether it was you doing it towards another or perhaps someone else doing it towards you-whether you acknowledged it or disregarded it, I can’t speak on your behalf but still just think about it. I know there’s always going to be that someone that says something like, “oh that was back in the day, why do I need a man to do that-I can’t open the door myself just fine” or whatever else level of bullshit excuse to quantify the person not doing or not caring enough to change the small habit the world continues to allow. I think we’re all smart (on some level) human beings so don’t be too hasty on your judgement about what I’m about to type, or feel it an attack on you, instead just pay attention to these example the next time you’re out and about and really pay attention to your own response or how you react when this is done towards someone else. I won’t expand on them all but on the ones I have personally found to really have a domino effect.
- Opening the Door - Why is this one SO HARD for people. You’re walking into a restaurant/store or place of business and you see/notice someone either hot on your heels or a few steps behind you...why is it such a hardship for you to simply keep the door open longer for your passing and the person behind you. Or even on the occurrences that someone is exiting the building/facility, why can’t you just open the door to let them pass first since you’re obviously on your way in? I’ve sadly seen where some punkass teenager knowingly see’s an elderly couple behind them and decides to open the door minimally so that it closes on them purposely. I’ve seen where some douche of a guy opens the door for himself and knows a mother with three is coming up behind him but makes no effort to prolong the door staying open and one of the kids faces hits the door in the process. I know perhaps comical to an outsider but the mother is already dealing with the three kids and now there’s a crying child in the mix. So someone please explain to me, what is the hardship of opening the door for someone else or keeping it open a little longer? What do you lose out of those additional seconds when you’re already going in the same direction as another person?...
- Saying Please/Thank You - This really irks me to no end! Whether in public or in a private setting. Why is it so hard for people to use an extra breath in saying please or thank you? Fine you’re a hard ass and you just don’t want to say it directly to the person, than saying indirectly by not visually acknowledging the person and say it to the air around you. But this common respectful action is what makes us connect with one another on minimal and small tokens of the day. You’re a waitress and you here this small level of human courtesy, you feel appreciated in your work shift on that table because they aren’t just treating you as a “hired help” per say or that they expect service period. I’ve seen a table at a restaurant with some very attractive males but yet they had no etiquette at the table nor did you witness a simply level of courtesy towards the wait staff period-their attractiveness went down about 60% and they became douches or a-holes (for lack of a better term). Yet one of the men decided to still stand out and you could hear him saying thank you and please at the moments you would expect for those two phrases to be used. He acknowledged every person even the rest of his a-hole buddies. I feel like bashing a door in a persons face when you hold the door for them and they simply breeze on by without even saying Thank you in the process! Um excuse me, the world doesn’t revolve around you and you shouldn’t expect for someone to always open your door BUT when someone does the least you can do to show appreciation (even if you aren’t looking that person in the eyes) is say freaking Thank You!
- Saying excuse me - This is one that bothers me on a multitude of levels. Human decency among others, respect to boundaries and someone’s space, and knowing that you aren’t the only on in the room! First off, if you don’t use this phrase enough and still expect people to move than that’s your error, because staying quiet (for example) in the grocery store and someone is purposely in your way but you need to get by and you’re just standing there waiting, well that person isn’t going to know you need to pass by if you’re just standing there with a sour facial expression and you haven’t made the effort to let the other individual know that you need to pass by! And you can’t get all pissy because they didn’t move when you wanted them to! There are so many instances where this can and should be used and people just don’t effin care.
- Being mindful of kids in an area
- Parents being mindful of the public area - this one is a continual challenge for me because I am a mother and know I’ve teaching my kids this, so no one can argue with me say something like “oh well you don’t have kids so you don’t know what it’s like...yea bullshit! I’m working on it now and my kids are doing a lot of the above and what I’m about to expand on. First off, parent’s if you think you can “train” or “teach” your kids courtesy and etiquette until they’re older-HA-yea good luck with that! It starts when their young and it’s engraved in their heads when they’re young. You bitch and complain that your teenager isn’t saying thank you or please, well did you even educate them to do that as they were growing up or did you make life easy for them because you didn’t think it was important then? Hey this isn’t a bash towards parents, but we as parents also have to admit when we’ve done our errors and what we need to do to improve the situation. First off the respect for the public needs to be there, the fact that some kids are running around stores and restaurants...yea I’m sorry I would hate to be at your house during family meals and holidays because how they’re acting in the restaurant or store is a reflection of how they most likely are in their home. Last I checked there are restaurants that have playgrounds, so if you want your kids to be running around wild and without respect to the rest of the public in the establishment, take you’re kids to those places and let the rest of the civilized world enjoy their meal in peace. Just because you’re a parent doesn’t mean you get any other specific treatment than the rest of society. Granted there are cases where you can or perhaps the family oriented establishment tries to accommodate the family/kids side of things; parents however should not assume or take the liberty in thinking that because they have kids everyone else needs to adjust to your needs. Yeah, I’m sorry in what world are you living in and if you teach your kids that by not educating them in the typical human courtesies, you’re setting them up for failure in the world when they aren’t around you.
- Looking someone in the eye when you’re conversing with them
- Not being on your phone while at the table for a meal-This one is not only entertaining for me to observe among couples but is also annoying for me to witness. Hey I get it, in the privacy of your own home do as you please, but I’m expanding on what I’ve seen in public on this one. Family meal at a restaurant and the kids are either doing their best to get the parent/s attention but the parent/s are too busy on their phones. Whether it’s business or not I don’t care, but you obviously have to eat so is it really going to kill you to NOT be on your phone until you and your family are done eating. Because this becomes a domino effect in your child won’t give a damn about you when they’re older and you’re actually wanting to have a conversation with him. Again it starts when they’re younger-good luck to you when they’re older...And oh my Atlanta when it comes to people on dates and they’ve spent almost their entire meal on their phones instead of conversing or getting to know one another. Good luck with that long lasting relationship you think you have when you’re only on your phones and don’t even spend the time to get to know each other. OH, is it because you think you’ve been together for a year or even 40 years that you still aren’t learning or getting to know you’re partner? Like I said, good luck with your long lasting relationship...
- Letting elderly go by first
- Allowing someone to assist you
- Men offering females a seat
If these are hardships for you to do on any given day than perhaps you should re-evaluate your way of life because courtesy to someone else could literally make their day; whether religious or not doing good provides good karma, what goes around comes around, and treat others the way you want to be treated. So the next time you’re out in public and parents regardless of your children’s age, demonstrate and teach different levels of etiquette and common courtesy, because if we can’t even do that among society, I’m sorry we’re no better involved than caveman (outside of technological advancements). Because at the end of the day you remember quality of service, how someone treated you (wait staff, host, etc), the experience overall you tend to lose the details of the technology and the money you spent as time goes by and you get older...Fruit for thoughts! :)
Sincerely,
A Distinctive Woman
