Everywhere you turn there is a child sitting upright (baby, toddler, middle schooler, teen, and yes even adults now) with a smart phone/tablet or electronic in hand - especially at mealtimes or at tables in general.
I remember when I was first pregnant that I started witnessing families around me become more, well digitalized. Hell my own ex-husband was always damn glued to his phone even when our kids were babies, couldn't even get him to enjoy just feeding the babies without whipping out his phone to play or scroll social media...but that's neither here nor there. I was observing this change in society and would see many other mothers my age (and older) beginning to entertain their children with electronics. I wanted to make a promise to my unborn child that I was going to strive my best to have electronics always be our last resort. I needed and wanted to figure out what that looked like or needed to be...
I began to circle back to my childhood and upbringing and also that of the stories I heard from my relatives and their upbringing in the older generations. One thing always stood out at me, that when a family had more adults than children there was always going to be boring moments for the little ones so imagination and creative needed to be something that began with a seed; another wards teach my child and any future children for that matter that their imagination and creativity would benefit many future events and circumstances that they find themselves in.
I felt compelled to create an environment that would grow the seed for adventure, exploration, observation, and appreciation of the simplest of things so that yes, in the boring of moments whether at formal or familial gatherings they could fall back on their little imaginations to entertain themselves with. Granted I would also sneak in my books to read so I could whip it out at long meal times or at events, heck even my sketchbook and pencil once I was done eating.
I needed and wanted to have my kids appreciate and understand the importance of using first their minds and what was on the table/at the restaurant before electronics came into the picture. An example would be the creamers or jelly packs at cafes or breakfast/brunch locations. We would create our games such as the memory game with the various types of jellies, or create structures out of both the creamers and jelly packs, then use straws or wrappers of straws to create little characters (even our own fingers sometimes were the little characters walking through our structures). Then once the meal arrived we would have everything picked up and resort to something different post the meal. sometimes adult conversations were had so yes NOW the electronics would come out (this is usually towards the end of the meal or more specifically around ordering dessert or waiting to finish paying the check) or the option of pulling the electronics out. Granted I wasn't stupid enough to purchase my kids a tablet! Kid's Amazon, nor mini iPad, nor a Samsung one either! I had only three apps that either of them could use (since they were at the earlier stages of learning-between six years and younger): ABC Disney, a kids puzzle game with SO many levels it was ridiculous but it would keep them occupied, and a coloring/drawing app - especially if they had already used up the paper at a restaurant or didn't have any coloring options at someone else's house.
These three specific apps were nicely created to be used without minimal to no supervision so it was great on the peace of mind for ads as well as the information/material they were looking at. The nice part as well was that any adult sitting next to my children could play along in between conversations or follow along with them while carrying on the conversations. There was still a balance.
Another important factor I had to consider and I advise all parents to really pay attention to is, our kids live by witnessing their parents behavior. If the parents are always on their phones and never providing that personal relationship, THEN you go and provide them the electronics-don't go bitching and complaining that you don't have a relationship with you kids, or that they are so moody and you don't know why (start with how much intentional and dedicated time did you actually spend), or they don't seem to want a relationship with you. Yeah the problem is the parent/s...
With what I had started, I did begin to notice that my children were feeding something wonderful in their minds. Passing age four I began exploring these cool items (like the ones in the pictures) that were travel friendly so that they could be used in the car, visiting a relative, and even better at the table post them completing their meals. What's meant to be fun and something to immerse themselves into "fun time" ended up becoming something that was already serving as a form of education of them as well. These would help and still do today that my kids don't search or need electronics.
I never put into my head that because of either their height or age they would have constraints to being capable of completing tasks, so staying busy and keeping busy (in a good way) was of my upmost importance. How can I provide decent human beings into the world, or good partners should God call them to be married, or live in the world without me if learning everything and anything wasn't on the table for them. If I was in the kitchen than I would have my kids either "playing kitchen" as well or at least listening as well as being able to see what I was doing while they played something else in the living room adjacent to the kitchen in the open floor plan. It always seemed to stem their curiosity from time to time to look at what I was doing-which then later fed into learning to cook, bake, and yes even know how to clean the kitchen. Same thing with chores and working in the garage and yes even detailing and cleaning out my vehicles I owned! I wasn't going to always just have them playing because that's not reality, but a good mix of play and understanding life - that's key! Again it's not about being some drill sergeant, it's about exposing the kids to something that will benefit their livelihood and in turn providing them their human dignity (as is something tied into our faith life) and then making it fun or eventful in some ways. For my daughters and I it was including music they loved, or being outside, or after our task we would be able to play and enjoy the rest of our day.
To this day for long drives or roadtrips the electronics are one used during the night time when they can't do other things in the light or when they aren't able to look out the window. OR if they've been good all week and we're driving somewhere a little bit of a ways away, then the tables are a award; thankfully though the norm is always having the electronics as a last resort...
Please do your kids (at any age of their lives) a favor an HAVE a connection with them, make time with/for them, and more importantly ensure that they are seen by you even if their being stubborn about it. There's going to be many instances in life that they will need to look back on memories to recall better times; the fact that they won't have those memories or moments in their upbringing to help them get through some hardships...well that falls on you the parents- it will be your fault as the parent/s.
Sincerely,
A Distinct Woman
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