Fair warning to any expectant mothers/mothers in general that read this and get offended. First off its not my intention to offend anyone HOWEVER, I could care less if you are offended with this post or any of my posts for that matter. Everything is not only open to interpretation BUT I literally have no control over someone else's emotions therefore anyone's emotions are valid, but they are only valid to the person who experiences the emotion-this does not mean I have to personally cater to or minimize my beliefs or curtail my own reactions. I've said it many other times before, my blog posts are my opinions and thoughts unless I've specified them to be created from research I've done, otherwise your thoughts/beliefs/convictions are your own. I'm just simply writing mine :) Now moving on!
So about two weeks ago on Instagram I saw that there was a highlight on an essay or article published in the New York Times. What's the relevancy of the article published you might ask? Well for starters it's what prompted me to write this post. Second, without having even read the article there's a few things that I read that ironically, I already do as a mother towards my kids and not because someone told me to or I read about it, but because my mother raised me a certain way and therefore, I used from that upbringing to mold what I wanted to do with my kids. Why change what isn't broke ya know. I turned out to be just fine and the older generations methods of parenting sure as hell work better than the current techniques in play in society now! We have a bunch of entitled shitheads, scared of the world and getting their feelings hurt individuals, pansies, emotionally immature people who are more coddled than taught to create and manage coping mechanisms when circumstances or moments get difficult. Crap I took a squirrel moment, sorry about that! Anyway, moving on!
I for one do not believe in paying your kids for doing chores. I think that's the stupidest idea because why am I going to teach my kids that they are going to get paid for doing something that should already be automatic or that chores are what they should be doing and will be doing daily when they grow into adults...chores are what they need to learn to survive and take care of themselves whereas getting paid to work is because of your job or hopefully doing something you love and creating a career out of it. The rewarding system can work on some kids I know, but unless parents actually take the time to observe/understand/really read their kids rewarding kids for chores can go south pretty quick. Yea there are some parents who like using the mantra "oh their just kids" or "oh let them be kids, kids will be kids." Like that's supposed to justify a parent slacking in turn not doing your kids any favors for their future. It's really all about balance I feel because you don't want to create some kid boot camp and always be serious, but you have to give your kids the sense and knowledge to determine which chores/items are serious and where others aren't.
See in the picture above my oldest is relaxing while "waiting for mommy" to finish picking up the bathroom area, but what happened to lead to this little pose was her waking up, then going poddy, fixing her bed herself, and then helping me to pick out her clothes for the day. Every morning when she would finish tidying her bed, she would always look to me and wait for my approval smile or my big bear hug for her. I tried (and still try) to create joy, smiles, love, and sometimes even fun into the mundane daily chores. My second daughter was and is the same way, though a little more active in her house chores than my oldest ever has been and was.
The video below is when my oldest and I would have some "art" time outside, so when she selected the chalk colors (when given three options to choose from), I would then tell her to grab her stuff to carry outside. The first few times she would try to get me to do it for her, but I would always make sure I was carrying something myself for us like snacks, drinks, or whatever else that we would be using with whatever she chose to do. Thereafter, she never asked me or tried to get me to carry her stuff, she would happily do it herself and with a huge smug smile that showed "I'm doing this myself." Something so simple as grabbing and carrying the chalk colors for art class, then setting the colors up herself and my only slightly assisting, had her nicely settled content in her own handiwork not only from her artwork but in that she did it all herself. Her picking up and putting everything away was the same.
To this day the joy that shines in the little eyes staring back at me have a special twinkle and their whole demeanor itself is illuminating in their sense of accomplishment and success - or shoot even failure because they say out loud themselves "at least we tried so that's good. We will just get better." My kiddos have no self-doubt and their already settled into this level of self-awareness and have conviction already in their statements/belief. You can't teach that to someone no matter their age, it's something that becomes the person...I'm a little proud of that blossoming acceptance and growth they continue to have...
So please! I beg of you do our future and the world a favor and really discern/look at your parenting methods and techniques. I really don't want some of these dumb ass kids to be the ones ruling our nation or worse being the ones taking care of me...hopefully I would have taught and shown my kids all the love they need so that they feel as loving in return when I'm old! :) More importantly do right by your kids and make sure they are prepared in the best ways possible for life. Yes, don't make them grow up too fast but also make sure YOU aren't the ones holding them back from their characters, personality, and learning experiences! No matter our age, humans thrive on experiences especially ones that are both memorable and successful. Then even the failures are great learning curves and the responsibilities of some of the tasks we entrust them to do, will help mold and prepare who they are to become...Give you kids responsibilities and chores and activities that take them outside the norm-besides you'll be with them the whole step of the way, especially if they're underage.
Sincerely,
A Distinct Woman
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