Labor and Delivery “Again” - Family Life/Relationships

"Mother's don't have the luxury of falling apart in front of their children, even when they are afraid, and more specifically even with their children are adults."

Yup that's right, I was blessed with a new healthy and whole baby girl, delivered by the same doctors that took care of me with my first daughter. Except this time around definitely different-in a good way. I wasn't allowed to deliver the baby vaginally as I had intended and wanted to, for health risks regarding a "uterine rupture". Yes it is a thing. Apparently it's a pretty serious thing and I was prepped for a C-section (again)-you know the funny thing is, to this day I have yet to look up what that means and the risks of it. I'll have to do that later after I finish this post...anyway, moving on!

Finally after the whole ordeal of dealing with a doctor I quite frankly didn't trust and didn't want even within one feet of me, let alone in the same room as me, I had my actual doctor back with me. She saw my during her rounds as she was back on shift and informed me I was ready to have the baby. The baby looked great and ready, where I also too was ready (aside from the blood pressure). If only everyone would understand that if I wasn't in the current stressed predicament of finances along with dealing with the unimaginable situations of my husband (now ex-husband), then my blood pressure would've been fine that day. No joke, in his absence I had better levels...but not getting into that.

So I was able to prepare a lot better for this C-section that was to take place, both physically and mentally. I have to admit though that for whatever reason, I was actually freaking out more! But at least I was a lot more prepared for what was to come and what was in store for me before, during, and post delivery. As well as could be prepared anyway. My husband was helping to gather things in place and we were taken to the room where I would officially prep for the O-R (operation room) and be in after the O-R for recovery, before being transferred to our official room before discharge. The nurse helped us loading everything onto a cart for a smoother transition, but my husbands mood hadn't improved, especially not from the day prior...we're set up in the O-R and my official nurse for only the pre and post delivery is taking care of me, I'm being explained what's going to physically happen to me and what I'm going to be going through, along with what the doctors are going to be doing. My blood pressure at this point was again spiking some, even with my most recent and last dosage of the blood pressure medication (orally taken). I was starting to feel cold of fright and nerves, I knew this was something that was done daily and to so many woman but still, what if God (or "luck" for the non believers) thought to turn the tables and make me or worse my daughter one of the few that didn't have everything alright after this...I knew then that I shouldn't even have had those thoughts but they were rearing their ugly head. Oddest of thoughts like "what if I die, who will really take care of my girls...will my husband even allow my mother to follow my living will wishes with the girls...etc." I kept looking at my husband who was almost 24-7 always on his phone anytime a nurse, doctor, or hospital staff was in the room and I began to cry. He offered no words of comfort or ease, he probably thought (especially after all of the words we exchanged) that I was strong and didn't need him or need comfort of anykind...I wasn't upset at that moment with him or at the situations in general, I just wanted some loving ease; instead I was getting ease from my family (mother, father, sister, and my two uncles specifically) and his grandparents locally in the metroplex as well as his biological dads mother. Don't even get me started about his mom...

I was nervous for the operation in general because even with the drugs with my first daughter - I could still feel what was happening and it was oddly terrifying, even in my calm semi coherent state. The time was fast approaching and now my phone had to be taken away...words of comfort and ease were nowhere to be found and too late to have. I felt myself getting colder, my hands began to shake, my throat was beyond dry, and I knew so much was out of my hands now. My nurse informed us we were being delayed because there was an emergency O-R surgery that needed to take place prior to mine so I would be wheeled out a little later than anticipated. It was the last time I knew for a little bit that my husband and I would be alone...I remember asking him if he was ready for this-he arrogantly but happily replied "I've been ready for her to come out for a while now." Unfortunately, I couldn't feel or believe in his response and I guess it must have showed on my face, because he asked me what was wrong. So I vocalized my fears and he FINALLY calmed me down and decided to converse with me. He was trying to make me laugh with taking a goofy photo of himself in the scrubs! I was excited and so anxious to see my new baby girl...so many things went through my mind as the nurse finally wheeled me out to the room used as a transitional room that led to the actual O-R. It was all a bunch of nurses or assisting nurses and one doctor, who was the anesthesiologist about to start the epidural. This would be the only time my husband wasn't allowed with me and that they would be calling him back in a few, once I was situated.

I began to go numb (where I'm supposed to) and my nurse helped me to the surgery table, well more like literal bed this time around. Through the reflection of the steel and mirrors I saw that they were prepping all of the surgical tools while I was being placed into an almost crucifixion like position, where my arms are both stretched out in the opposite directions and my body all laid down horizontally with my legs closed together and very directly facing in the opposite direction of the room. Time seemed to be going by very slowly and what seemed like hours was only in reality minutes...I heard one doctor enter the room who was the surgeons and felt more relieved at the whole scenario. I then heard my husband's voice as he entered the room with his scrubs and face mask on. My arms were tingling and my legs had the oddest feeling of feeling so heavy but yet not there-I guess the medicine was doing it's job. I was a little sketchy about the numbing and tingly sensation in my arms so after I kept pressing concerns my husband inquired on my behalf; after the doctor responded then my OBGYN entered the room and the "show" was about to begin-the curtain was already up separating the view of the surgical area and myself. My husband seemed to get over his squeamish nature of the blood and surgery altogether because I was happy to find later he not only took photos (like I had asked) but also I was surprised to find that he took a really good video of the birth of our second daughter...I knew the moment she was outside of my body before I heard her little cry, because I felt a sudden emptying of body, an emptying from the "fullness" in my midsection, then immediately afterwards I heard her adorable little cry. Little it might have been but weak my new baby girl was most certainly NOT. My husband left my side to go see our daughter as she was being wrapped up real quick after being weighed and quickly looked over. Then I finally got to see and feel my new baby girl against me. While the doctors were closing me up my husband was holding our new baby girl close to me-the moment they brought our daughter to me she stopped her whaling and was soothed. I remember, looking at her little face and just like with my first daughter they snuggled into my neck area and their crying halted. It's truly one of the most bittersweet of moments that I don't think anyone except a woman who appreciates the gift she's given (that of motherhood) can fully comprehend...and now I was able to feel it twice.

Once I was sown up I had to be transferred over to my hospital bed and then rolled back to the post op room we were in prior to surgery. Baby girl was in tow behind me along with my husband, so I was calmly relieved that this whole delivery was 100% better than my first one and that my baby girl was going to be able to stay with me until we left home...I was surprised to see some new things inside the room. Apparently one of my uncles had gotten a few little gifts for us-us meaning for the newborn and for my oldest daughters-in honor of having a new baby sister. Although he wasn't able to give the gifts in person since he had to go back to work. My sister brought a beautifully handmade door reef for labeling the room for our daughter and she had made sure to take a half day of work the moment she knew I was going to have the baby. So once the baby and I were settled in the post op room waiting for our official room, I was given new baby girl to have some skin on skin time and see if she would start to attach to the breast...this was also the time where I was able to really see my eldest daughters reaction to her having a baby sister as she herself was still technically a baby.

I was so relieved-I saw so many emotions cross her face but in her eyes I saw joy, acceptance, curiosity, happiness, but above all love at this something new she didn't quite understand or know yet...

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman

Jack Reacher (Amazon Prime) - Recommend

I'm sure most of you are aware but Netflix isn't the only streaming "channel" or application that creates their own movies or TV show series. Granted I'm sure that they're the most popular one or higher rated one for their TV show series and movie creations however Amazon has some really good ones that they've created... 

I should warn that if you're not a fan of movie or tv shows created from an actual book that was written, then not only is this post not for you but the recommendation I'm providing in this post, is also not for you. If you haven't seen this particular series, it's a must see! The show is not like the movies played by Tom Cruise. No this TV series is bringing the book series by Lee Child to a wonderfully created production with the actors really embodying the characters written for them. 

This video series was truly addicting to me, not only because of the characters written but the manner in which the actors acted. Then the way each episode ends was more tastefully done to entice you for the next episode. This series has a minor military essence, but a true sense of justice, chivalry, and heroism is exemplified in the main protagonist. The dry humor and sarcasm along with the witty banter is entertaining throughout and leaves you smiling even when you least expect it. Truly a must see, I have continued to re-watch the whole series at least a dozen times since spring of this year. I know you're thinking "how sad" but if you actually watched the show you may be hooked on it too just as I am. Besides the main protagonist is a delicious male specimen (for the women viewers) and has an admirable physique (for the male viewers) so many could easily develop a crush or male crush! I can't wait for Season 2!!

Don't take my word for it though ;) check it out for yourself!

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman

The Terminal List (Amazon Prime) - Recommend

Interestingly wow...that's literally the statement that comes to mind regarding this Amazon Prime Video series. Chris Pratt truly takes this role to a whole new level. To the writers of this series, kudos to them especially for their efforts in exposing something so relevantly important to what happens to the men and women in the military, displaying the overall mental health in combination to the plotline of the series that has some good action. The trauma and neurological aspect to the series, was a nice touch.  

It's an overall good story, I wouldn't say I was as addicted as the Jack Reacher series however it had me captured enough to finish the series in three days because I thought it was good. Don't take my word for it, take a peak at it yourself just don't give up on it until you've finished at least episode three; I say that because like most new movies or new series there has to be an "explanation period" to introduce characters and where the plot stems from. The video series is actually based off of the novel by Jack Carr.

If it helps to entice you, not only is Chris Pratt in it but this involves the Navy Seals and has a military essence to it!

Sincerely,

A Distinct Woman